It’s commonly accepted that trust is one of the most important things in successful relationships. Without it, you’re pretty much destined for failure.
That said, are there reasonable instances in which jealousy is warranted? Is it ever ok to voice opposition to who your partner spends time with?
This OP is wondering exactly that after his wife began working out with a divorced fitness instructor in the basement of his house.
My (m44) wife (f43) has a colleague from work “Joe”, and Joe split from his wife a year ago. Joe also runs a home based business as a fitness instructor.
The way I understand it, he has his basement and backyard full of equipment and people pay him in either groups or as individuals for training in his basement.
Thus far she has only exercised in a group setting, but while doing so learned in an awkward way that another of their colleagues (newly separated) was sleeping with the fitness instructor.
OP extrapolated that the affair definitely could have been going on before her separation, and maybe even the cause of it.
My wife took part as part of a group this summer, the sessions were at 7:30 am, and she told me one day that as she was arriving, a different colleague of hers (female, middle-aged, also a client of his) came walking out of his Kitchen having a coffee, clearly having spent the night.
The thing is, this woman just split with her husband 4 weeks earlier. Now I don’t have evidence, but it seems to me that due to only 4 weeks passing and she is already announcing to colleagues that they are sleeping together, they very likely had something before she split with her husband and it very likely was a contributing factor in her split from her family (hence the term homewrecker).
Now, his wife and a couple of friends want to work out in the basement a few nights a week.
After some consideration, OP told his wife he wasn’t comfortable with it, but she went ahead anyway.
Fast forward 4 weeks, my wife tells me she wants to go with a friend 2 evenings per week to this guys place to work out with him in his basement.
At first I said that I was not going to say no, but after thinking about it for a couple days I told my wife I didn’t like it and I wasn’t comfortable with it.
Well she goes ahead and signs up anyway (after I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it), she doesn’t tell me until an hour before the first session.
They had a fight about it and she canceled, but has been distant since.
When he asked how she would feel about it if the roles were reversed she didn’t have an answer for him.
Well I was quite pissed and we had a fight. She ended up canceling the workout sessions but only did it because I basically told her to. She doesn’t think anything is wrong with it and thinks I’m wrong here. It’s been 2 weeks and we have been cold and distant ever since.
I asked my wife if she thinks the guy was moving on the woman while she was still married and she agrees its likely.
I also asked my wife if the roles were reversed and I was working out with a female colleague, in her basement and it was assumed she slept with a married guy at my work contributing to a divorce if she would be comfortable with it, and she wouldn’t say either way.
OP claims he’s not jealous but he doesn’t trust the instructor or the situation.
Again, while I understand it doesn’t come off that way, I trust my wife, I don’t trust the guy and just didn’t like the situation.
Does Reddit think OP is out of line? Are they ok with his voicing his discomfort? Let’s find out!
The top comment thinks there’s definitely a reason his wife didn’t want to discuss a role reversal.
Most people thought it was all a bit skeevy…at best.
A few people, like this person, wondered whether or not his wife might be having some untoward thoughts of her own.
After all, there are definitely more trainers in the world…
Everyone seems more than a little concerned for OP.
Jealousy is one thing, but laying out facts and having your partner ignore them is something else.
Would you have said something in this situation? Would you feel comfortable working out there? Let’s chat about it in the comments!