We all have more or less important complexes with our body. It’s human, it happens to all of us, and the various perfect silhouettes flooding the canvas don’t help much. We’re no one to tell you to skip it, but on the other hand, we can assure you that some special diet inventions are crap. Especially these strange and harmful vintage products! Going on a diet is ok. But doing anything to lose weight in record time and without effort… It smells like a scam, and it can even become dangerous!
1. La-Mar soap, fat reducing soap
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The bigger it is, the better it will pass cream (or washing cream, even) with customers. This is more or less what the members of the laboratory said to each other during their brainsto. Sold as “a fat-reducing soap, bringing quick and amazing results, able to act in a targeted way on any part of the body, and all that without sport or diet”, it was simply a huge bullshit. A word of advice to avoid being fooled: any advertisement using the expressions “amazing results”, “you will be surprised” or “it will surprise you” is fake. We are trying to scam you. Search. Quick. But stay a little longer with us, point 3 of this top should surprise you!
2. Vibrating belts
Eh yes ! Reality TV celebrities didn’t invent anything. Vibrating belts were already used and presented as slimming allies in the 1930s. On paper, it’s interesting. Losing fat without doing anything, if not being shaken in all directions by a machine that tones our body under the impulse of vibrations, it’s tempting. Sorry to all those who spent 50 bucks, using the promo code JESUISUNCRÉTIN30, to acquire this kind of device (yes, because it still exists, huh), but it’s shit. You will just pass for a happy fool, a bit gullible and lazy. With 50 balls, you could have bought yourself a two-month subscription to the gym, or bought a pair of running shoes on vinted. It’s more useful, I assure you.
3. Sauna pants or portable sauna
Let me guess… Seeing this photo, you have a slight desire to laugh. You chuckle, saying to yourself, “rollalala, but you really have to be stupid to put this thing on and hope to lose fat in your thighs”. You start to really laugh, share the picture with your friends, and then suddenly… You remember the 45 bucks you spent on leggings/sweat belts. Do you see where I’m coming from, or not?
Here, an advertisement from 1929 where one can read “to stay slender, choose a Lucky rather than a candy”. Nice. In the 20th century, the “stay thin” argument was one of the most used sales arguments. Go hop, thin waist and lil cancer, let’s go on the kiff highway in fact.
It’s no secret that for a long time, many women wore corsets under their dresses to “reduce their waists”. Even today, some use this instrument of torture, sending your stomach straight into your spine, to get a “wasp waist”. Stop it, it’s dangerous AND excruciatingly painful. Same goes for “waist trainers”.
6. The “Hawaii Flesh”
That’s a great idea! Basically, it’s a kind of motorized computer chair, the seat of which moves in all directions, supposedly to help you have rock solid abs. In reality, it just pisses you off, while making you look like an idiot. Very good investment.
7. The appetite suppressant playlist
The idea was to offer you a compilation of music/sounds capable of cutting your appetite. Honestly, no need to pay for that! Just go to Youtube and look for sound effects of farts, shit or vomit, and you will see, it will be just as appetite suppressant. In any case, the principle of not eating and becoming disgusted with food is the worst idea. You have to eat healthy, but eat anyway! At each meal !
8. Molby spinning hammock
On the publicity poster, one can read that this thing of the hells “restores health and vitality, allows to have a beautiful chest and a thin size, increases the life expectancy and puts back the straight spine”. You will tell me so much, look! This mobile hammock has just ruined the backs of its users, without ever changing their morphology. Still had to be naive to believe that such an instrument of horror could make breasts grow.
9. The slimming massage machine
In the 1940s, some people went to “slimming salons”. They sat down on a creepy chair, and let sort of rolls worthy of the worst horror movies run through their bodies. The opportunity to mix gossip between cops and great physical suffering, for very little results. Happiness and very modern mentality.