Kikouu the IPCC has released a new report and like each new report it puts us a little more in the red. Normal since between each report not much happens.
As a reminder: who is the IPCC? One group of expert scientists (in biology, climate, economy) from 196 countries who (volunteer) work on reporting on global warming and its consequences. Their reports are purely scientific and are intended to be objective. There are several versions, including a summary of about twenty pages intended for statesmen and women. The IPCC has notably demonstrated the anthropogenic origin of global warming (= cé our ke cé the fault).
The latest report to date tells us, among other things, thatwe have 3 years left to drastically change our lifestyles before falling into an unbreathable planet in a few years. A shocking announcement which is only in line with the latest ever more alarming reports. Normiche, given that things don’t change (at least not enough).
We need a global lockdown to stop flying, we need a war in Ukraine to limit our car trips because of the price of oil… But what do we have to do to really listen? IPCC reports?
1. That Will Smith, expert in climatology, gives a thumbs up to Chris Rock, expert in underwater biology
If the IPCC had benefited from 1% of the fame of this event, we would surely have already reduced global warming to zero compared to the pre-industrial era. It’s stupid, Will Smith and Chris Rock would have been useful as IPCC scientists for their sense of happening.
2. Make it an album of songs for Orelsan
“Fuck your sea and suck its permafrost, when you turn me on, I really want to kick you in the face” lalala tidoudou. In short, I don’t know anything about song lyrics, I got 2/20 at the rap baccalaureate.
3. Have them validated by M’Bappé at a press conference
Oh yeah and if suddenly the France team could avoid traveling only by private jet to kick a ball, that would be nice. I say that I say nothing huh, but if you are so sporty, you have to go there by running rather guys.
4. Paying a lot of influencers in Dubai to promote it between two sponsors for Louis Vuitton
We laugh, we laugh, but if Nabilla speaks one day IPCC, we may be saved.
5. Have them performed on stage by Fabrice Luchini
OK in terms of impact it may seem less strong but the thing is that Luchini’s audience being mainly made up of old rich people (the segment of the population that pollutes the most), it’s good to target them in particular.
6. Print the IPCC report on household products in the bathroom
But if it’s a great idea like that when you’re in the toilet and you’re bored and you want to read the ingredients of these household products, BAM actually reads the IPCC report. Frankly my idea is so ingenious that I deserve to work for McKinsey.
7. Ask McKinsey to develop impactful PowerPoints on this subject
For all the problems in the world, McKinsey has a solution. Moreover, we should ask them to find solutions for global warming, as they receive much more money than the IPCC (which, I remind you, is only funded to the tune of 6 million euros per year, a frankly ridiculous sum and which explains why the contributors work voluntarily).
8. Fuck people naked
After a while I don’t know why we are talking about something else. To make something interesting, just get people naked on it and it will work for sure. It’s still not fucking complicated.
9. Release a film that explains how much we really don’t give a fuck about the warning cries of scientists
But otherwise in real life it’s not that complicated guys, we can still rectify the situation by reducing our use of fossil fuels by 70% (well just oil and gas, coal, we simply stop). How? ‘Or’ What ? we stop taking the plane, we heat less, we insulate better, we eat less meat, we take the car only when it is essential, we travel by bicycle. Well here it is already if we do that it’s cool. There’s still worse.