Top 9 proofs that the playground is the worst place in the world, hell on earth

Governed by laws from another time, ancestral traditions, the playground is an obligatory passage in the life of every human being. There, only the strong escape unscathed. The weak ones make themselves small and spend these hours of “rest” in a corner hoping that it will end quickly. Yes, there are not so many differences between the courtyard of a provincial elementary school and that of the prison of Alcatraz.

1. Racketeering is permanent

If you come with a banana full of marbles, you are almost sure to find it empty in the evening. You will be forced to “play” your balls in front of the biggest of CM2 who will not hesitate to use the most deceitful techniques to extort your property: “genette”, “stroller”, “bull’s eye” these thugs do not shrink from nothing.

2. Violence is a reality

A joke too many, a smile a little too insistent and it is immediately the sanction. The group throws itself on the weak and beats him up: Indian burn, smear in the hair. You will need, as in prison, to ally yourself very quickly with a group of strong to defend you (we advise you the soccer players, the big ones who do jump rope, and above all avoid the “supervisors” they will never be there to save your ass during the important moments).

Top 9 proofs that the playground is the worst place in the world, hell on earth
Picture credits: Topito

3. Drugs are everywhere

We often come in clean and come out junkie. At first we just sniff a little UHU glue to do like our friends, then it’s climbing: we put ax in a cloth to put it on our mouths, we chain the “burnt heads” to give ourselves a reputation. Look at the kids when they come out of CM2, most of them already have their faces tired and weathered by excess.

4. Young people’s sexuality is exposed

How many parts of doctors behind the bushes? How many games of the bottle that give rise to orgies of smacks, and sometimes even (it happened to CĂ©line from CM2) of kisses with the tongue. Stupor and fornication are legion behind these pews.

Top 9 proofs that the playground is the worst place in the world, hell on earth

5. The law of the strongest reigns

The CPs do what the CE2s say, who themselves are the little crooks of the CM2s, these are controlled by the supervisors, who are martyred by the teachers, teachers who are afraid of the director, who is himself terrified by the rector. And we go up this hierarchy to the President of the Republic.

6. Clandestine shows are everywhere

Against the promise of a nice nest egg (chewing gum, foam ball, marbles) some children are ready to drink the glass that contains all the waste from the canteen table. Of course, once the poor man has accomplished his mission in front of an audience of unhealthy and voyeuristic onlookers, he will be a laughing stock, and his meager loot will not restore his reputation.

7. There are “no-go zones” controlled by cartels

Don’t even try to do a handball on the football field, you won’t survive the attack from the CM2 footballers (one of them even repeated). The courtyard is controlled by the girls of CM1. The sandbox is the turf of kindergartens. In short, you are in theory free to walk around wherever you want, but we strongly advise against it.

8. It goes too fast

We barely have time to understand the rules, to make allies to start fully enjoying it, and it’s already over. Place in college and with it the responsibilities: change of schoolbag, Pythagorean theorem, learning to make blowpipes with an eraser, etc. Yes, the primary and its playground are part of a cruel world, but we all had a great time there and sometimes we would like to go back, even for a day.

9. We catch the Covid all the time

It’s clearly a miasma bath. Do you want my opinion ? If the pandemic is still active in the world it is because of the playgrounds.

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