Top 8 weird animals found in the Seine, we have to start from there now

Just this week we found a beluga in the Seine, a sort of aquatic pokemon without powers but with a funny head, two particularities that also perfectly describe Vincent Lagaf. Anyway, it’s not the first time that a rather unusual animal has found itself in this French river, extremely famous for the quality of its water, which can give you Mexican shit if you drink it, and we decided to do a small list of lost creatures that have been there.

1. A beluga

If you read the intro of this top you didn’t miss the reference to this noble animal, otherwise you really don’t respect anything. Anyway, a beluga got stuck in the Seine and at the moment we still don’t know if we’ll be able to help him. What the hell is he doing in the Seine? No idea, but he doesn’t ask you what you’re going to do on vacation in Corsica, so respect him.

2. An orc (but not from Lord of the Rings lol)

Remember, it was not so long ago, an orca in rather poor health had found himself trapped in the Seine, before dying from his injuries despite the efforts of medical teams. She had died of starvation, a lack of food since she could only find plastic to eat, and that, my friends, is our fault.

3. A 40-kilogram, three-meter python

In 2012 we had fished out a 40-kilo python on the outskirts of Paris, the animal had died and was probably that of someone who had got rid of it because it had become too big. Afterwards, we don’t know, he may have died of old age after a long and happy life, so don’t always see everything as a negative.

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4. The crocodile from the sewers of Paris

Discovered under the Pont-Neuf in 1974, this female Nile crocodile was subsequently transferred to an aquarium in Morbihan for several years before dying in “La ferme aux crocodiles” in the Drôme, probably killed by a male. Yet another proof that nothing good ever happens in the Drôme, as the famous saying goes “nothing good ever happens in the Drôme”.

? Did you know that a crocodile lived in the sewers of Paris? 6 secrets about the underground network!? Info and reservations: https://musee-egouts.paris.fr/

Posted by City of Paris on Monday, October 25, 2021

5. An alligator turtle

It was in 2009 that an alligator turtle was discovered in the Seine. We think she was abandoned by some asshole who didn’t realize it was growing after buying her illegally. This species is not found in the United States in its natural environment and its round and resistant carapace is often used as a spare tire by the courageous drivers of Kentucky.

6. A pacu (testicle-eating piranha)

This cousin of the piranha is renowned in South America for chewing up the yuks of distracted swimmers (that’s real info). Why a fisherman found one at the end of his fishing rod in Paris remains a mystery but it is not impossible that it was a super ingenious attempt at revenge stopped at the last moment.

7. A bearded seal

Seen several times during his French journey, a bearded seal was finally arrested by the river brigade of the Seine in 2006 because he did not have his papers (Sarkozy was Minister of the Interior at the time and he was zealous). We don’t really know how the animal ended up there, but it eventually fled and probably returned home. A nice story. Well, I don’t know, I don’t know the end.

8. Florida turtles

Without being pros of geography, we are not going to lie to each other, Florida is not the first port that we cross while sailing on the Seine. Usually these animals are brought back from travels or sold by people of dubious morals and end up abandoned when the buyers realize that they can live up to 35 years. The problem is that Florida turtles are not at all useful animals for the Seine ecosystem because they eat fish, chicks and can even chew a duck’s leg.

9. Bonus: A bear, but actually no

The story I’m about to tell you is chilling, it happened a few months ago when Patrick Balkany was sentenced to prison. Disguised as a bear, he had swum up the Seine starting from Levallois and hoping to reach the free coasts of the new world: Le Touquet. Unfortunately, a bear in the Seine is quite conspicuous, but the costume rental company no longer had the sea bream costume in stock that he had loved to wear to the Levallois town hall Christmas party. Caught by the police, he first spent two weeks at the Beauval zoo before we realized that he was not from the Ursidae family. A news item which, as the commissioner in charge of the case reminded us, “happens far too often”.

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