Children, we were already not a fan in life, but then in confinement it becomes another pair of sleeves. These guys NEVER quit. So it’s nice to say that “Children are wonderful” and all the stuff, but that’s a lie. If we knew the truth, no one would have children anymore. Anybody. It’s expensive and, moreover, it’s ungrateful. And then let’s be honest, even if it happens, sometimes, that we love our children, we always hate those of others. Why ? Because all children are RELOU, but you just learn over time to support your own.
1. It screams, and the screams of children are the most annoying noise in the world after the screeching of chalk on a blackboard
2. It doesn’t smell good
3. We have to take it on vacation
5. It’s super expensive
6. The design is nice but after that it twists your body for nine months and it tears your vagina out when it comes out, thanks but NO THANKS
9. They have a shitty sense of humor: “poo poo” is their favorite joke.
Watch the level of kindergarten jokes a bit, it’s hot.
11. He doesn’t put his toys away and then you step on a LEGO
12. They eat their poo
13. They don’t know first aid
14. They can’t even read these jerks. And you have to teach them everything.
15. Their purpose in life is to come and piss you off at every moment of peace.
You want to go to the bathroom and… “MOM, WHERE IS MY CUDDLY”.
16. They stick their boogers under the furniture.
18. While we know deep down that these mothers are on the verge of depression
19. They have more clothes than you
20. Babies are ugly and wrinkled
21. In fact, they are ALL ugly (yes sorry, but it had to come out)
And unlike your mother-in-law’s closet, it can’t be stored in the basement.
22. It’s always scared of something so it sleeps with you.
23. So inevitably… it prevents you from having a sex life (goodbye to your couple).
24. They can pop up anywhere, anytime yelling “MAMAAAAN” “PAPAAAAAAA”.
They are vicious and Machiavellian beings ready to do anything to destroy your privacy.
25. They mark their territory with all kinds of gross bodily substances: poo, vomit, pee…it’s filthy.
26. In addition to drawing very badly, they take themselves for Picasso
They don’t understand why you’re sulking when they just decided to do a beautiful mural to brighten up the living room.
27. It always needs attention
When no one has paid any attention to you for two years.
28. I have known much nicer furniture
29. They dress anyhow
30. They have no taste, their favorite dish is pasta with ham
31. You gotta wipe their butts when they pooped
32. They hold alcohol very badly
33. We saw it in horror movies, they have a not very clear relationship with Satan
34. They are unable to use a subjunctive correctly, their language is screaming and crying
Even if between us… we are seriously campaigning to remove the subjunctive, so that we make more mistakes.
35. Lots of big jerks were children: Stalin, Mussolini…
36. They can’t be trusted.
37. They call cows “meuh-meuh”, bunch of teubés
38. It puts its hands everywhere and then it wants hugs.
So, already they are all dirty, in addition, they come to dirty you too. Well done, great mentality. Not very coronavirus-friendly this story.
39. It asks a lot of questions
40. It does not help you at all to pick up on Tinder
41. It’s worse than a prime rib
42. They have no sense of repartee.
“You suck” response: “gna gna gna mirror”.