There is no need to have noticed all the hidden details in the Harry Potter films to say that the saga is clearly overrated, but above all the fans of the saga do ten times too much. More than 20 years after the release of the first film, we had the time to witness their moral and physical harassment many times for us to appreciate this series and frankly, it just made us want to cross them off our list. of friends. So there are plenty of good reasons to do it for real this time. Avadacadavra!
1. They popularized Quidditch, aka the world’s worst sport
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Already, it takes an hour to explain the rules that three quarters of people will not understand in the end. And above all, this game is far too tiring in addition to being humiliating: have you ever tried to run a 500 meter with a ball between your legs? Well, I don’t recommend you if you do less than 17 hours of sport per week.
2. They base their entire personality on their Hogwarts house.
No, it’s not because they’re Slytherins that they criticize their friends when their backs are turned, it’s just because they’re bad people.
3. They put first-degree socks on Dobby’s grave and it’s a problem for the environment
Yep, the National Trust still had to ask Harry Potter fans to stop leaving socks at the grave of the elf Dobby on the beach in Freshwater West, UK, because they’re destroying local wildlife with their shit. All that for a character THAT DOESN’T EVEN EXIST!
4. They all have an argument for saying that their house is the best
Especially the Hufflepuffs, when everyone knows it’s busted.
5. They force us to watch the movies every Christmas, fuck off the fuck
For 11 years we’ve been watching the entire saga once a week between December and January, WE CAN’T HOLD IT ANYMORE! Better watch 10,000 times the same TV movie about Sandy the New Yorker who moves to a small town in the mountains than to relive it.
6. They can’t stand that someone hasn’t seen all the movies: “BUT WHAT IS IT NOT POSSIBLEUUUH”
And if you’ve seen the movies, but you haven’t read the books, they tell you “BUT WHAT IS IT NOT POSSIBLEUUUH”
7. They’ve only read 7 books in their lifetime (we’ll let you guess which ones)
Obviously, they’re the same people who brag about having read English books at the age of 12 when you didn’t give a damn about finishing the paperback novel you bought last summer. Nothing to be proud of actually.
8. They all get the same tattoo
In case you haven’t seen it, we’ll say it again: the Deathly Hallows sign on the wrist is not something original, just a tattoo worn by idiots. Don’t be shocked, I’m just telling the truth.
9. When you show them an inconsistency in the books, they take 30 minutes to explain to you why you’re wrong.
As if they were the ones who had written these books and more, you have to come down, it was just to provoke them a little.
10. They slap tens of dollars for sticks that don’t even cast spells
And when they don’t have money, they use the smallest piece of wood lying around to make a stick. It turns into an obsession, it’s almost worrying.
11. They try to make you think a big bastard like Snape is a good guy.
While everyone, except them, understood very well that this guy was a beautiful scumbag. There’s no way my kids will ever hang out with Harry Potter fans, I don’t want to take any chances.
12. They can’t help but shove “Harry Potter” themes all over the place.
“Harry Potter wedding”, “Harry Potter birthday”, “Hogwarts evening”, “Harry Potter cremation”… Imagine two minutes if we did the same with High School Musical in fact.
13. They dream that their guidance counselor is a hat.
Personally, I preferred when it was Madame Bernard who told me to become a bus driver because it was a job with a future. She was not mistaken, it’s really recruiting at the moment.
14. They compare their patronus to find out who is the most stylish
“What are you? A dab? Too stylish for me, it’s a tapeworm! We are really lucky”
15. They spin around like idiots trying to Apparate
There are things we can’t tolerate, I’m sorry, I have my limits.
16. They’re Dumbledore fans even though the guy is a crazy freak who sends kids to hell.
Afterwards, don’t come and complain if the entertainers forget your kids at the beach in camp, you will have looked for it.
17. They give their children horrible names like Severus, Ronald or Dobby.
And we shouldn’t be surprised to have Hermione and Firenze in the primary classes?? Sorry but I place that on the same level as Clitorine and Gwenaël personally.
18. They take you back on the pronunciations “uuuuh it’s HHHHarry, with an aspirated “H”, by Arri, in fact”.
Ok, so explain to me why you say Air-mi-one instead of Air-maï-o-ni to talk about Ron’s girl, huh??? EH ????
19. They use ridiculous slurs, like “old muggles” or “you mudblood.”
And above all, they allow themselves to call people muggles when they have approximately zero power, IT MAKES NO FUCK SENSE, why are you doing this????
20. They carry around ugly burgundy and yellow striped sweaters and Gryffindor scarves whenever it’s below 15 degrees.
If it’s to chain fashion missteps all winter long, thank you but no thank you!
21. They get drunk with their plan to travel to Scotland
All that to peel your ass for 3 hours, waiting for a train to pass over a bridge. Remind me never to go on vacation with members of this community, otherwise you have the right to throw pebbles at me.
22. They are capable of gutting an entire evening to find out which is the best movie and they are not damned to agree
Worse still, they have the gift of encrusting all the debates on the best sagas while Harry Potter has no chance of winning against the Lord of the Rings.
23. They can’t go a day without doing 15 refs to movies or they die
And of course, they are offended if you don’t immediately pick up the reference. I’m sorry, but no one ever understands my references to the Infernal Montparnasse Tower and I don’t make a big deal out of it. So stop or I’ll shoot you in the head!
24. They literally dream of adopting an owl.
We are still talking about a bird that produces kilos of excrement a day and that can do a 360° with its head while pecking your eyes. I’ve had a friendlier pet, like a royal python.
25. They release the lines during the film before the character himself
An action that gives basic desire for murder. People who do that should be banned from watching movies for 35 years, especially Potterheads.
26. They actually throw themselves against platform 9 3/4 to see if they will end up at Hogwarts
No, no, but let them fall on the TER line towards Morlaix, that’s all they deserve.
27. They’re defending Fantastic Beasts when it really sucks
Sorry for the vulgarity, but we have to say the terms: we haven’t done more bad since (while plenty of films with Christian Clavier have been released anyway).
28. They always have to bring it back saying that butterbeer isn’t so disgusting.
87% of the world’s population has vomited three times in their mouths while tasting butterbeer. The 13% have never tested because of their emetophobia.
29. They love dog food surprise candies without lying
And above all, they don’t hesitate to bring it back to any events like a New Year’s Eve or a starting drink, thinking that it’s really a great idea to make everyone taste booger-flavored candies.
30. They put all the brooms they find between their legs
That’s enough now, you drop that leaf rake and let me finish cleaning my driveway, damn it in the end!