Top 22 things to remember from the presidential debate, a great time

Et voilà… five years later, finds himself in the same grub. Few changes except that the large table has given way to two offices separated by 2m50. Oh yeah and they swapped places too. Incredible isn’t it? In short, we typed this unexciting debate with despair and sadness, but fortunately we have concocted a summary that smells like fox tail.

1. Marine le pen is interrupted by DJIRECT

It therefore starts with three seconds less. Well yeah but it’s stupid when you chat with the opponent while the scary music is playing, you have to expect to be shut down by a very softly aggressive Gilles Bouleau.

2. Le Pen realized that it was not very wise to come back with 17 kilos of files on the table

It must be said that she had 5 years to think about a hard-hitting tactic: replacing the files with printed tweets. SMART.

3. “I will be the president of justice” MDRRRRRR

Girl. Marine. Marino. You are literally in criminal proceedings.

4. Gilles Bouleau put on his invisibility cloak

Tone on tone with the blue background: why?

Top 22 things to remember from the presidential debate, a great time

If I don’t move, maybe they’ll forget me quietly and in 10 minutes wallah I’m in trouble

5. Wars of the Pins: Macron 1 – 0 Le Pen

The ball in the center.

6. Macron shows off his wide range of acting skills

I remind you that he did the Cours Florent.

Top 22 things to remember from the presidential debate, a great time

Absolutely nothing to square with what she says the boloss

7. Macron burned Le Pen with the napalm of contempt

“You haven’t answered any of my questions, you probably don’t have the answers”.

Even I didn’t feel well.

8. The Russian loan sequence was not stung by beetles

“You talk about your banker when you talk about Russia”. BAAAAM. The story of the Russian loan contracted by the FN in the face of Le Pen was a blow to the brick wall of his disappointed face. All that for her to attempt a pathetic “We are a poor party”. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I laugh.

9. Big moment of discomfort with this terrible tweet… printed

In 2022. Marine Le Pen pulls out of her hat a tweet from 2015 printed on an A4 sheet and folded in 4. We are there. Poor thing, she didn’t know she would open up a highway of hijackings and wriggling memes.

10. Marine Le Pen’s vocabulary is quite limited

FAKE.

IT’S WRONG.

FAKE.

FAKE.

NO IT IS WRONG.

Please, find a synonym I’m overdosing on the term.

11. Macron drew a lot

Proof that he has a very creative mind.

Unless he made a shopping list?

12. Macron pulled expressions out of his ass again

No but frankly. “Ripolishing the facade”? Really?

13. Léa Salamé and Gilles Bouleau have mussels and fries authority

I’m not totally sure of this expression but in my opinion mussels and fries have little authority so I assume that it works. In short, they are nice, eh, but they are clearly bullied by the two candidates. Guys are less respected than a wet bathroom rug. Frankly go home, send Anne-Sophie Lapix.

Top 22 things to remember from the presidential debate, a great time

14. The translators still left totally in yuks

We love them. They do a wonderful job.

15. Macron likes to say “I assume”

Which gives him a place of choice in the next season of the Angels of reality TV because “in fact, he is too much of a person who assumes his actions so vouala koua”.

16. At one point we didn’t understand what happened… what’s this story about Brazilian chickens?

A few seconds of inattention and we find ourselves with a subject completely out of nowhere. What do Brazilian chickens have? Are they drunk on caipirinha?

17. Invention of a new word: climato-hypocrite

In the meantime, ecology will have been a subject of two minutes per candidate. Great. Reassuring. Awesome.

On the other hand, yes, let’s talk about creating a French Google, that’s really the urgency: “Why was Steve Jobs American and not French? These are some good questions that deserve to be asked.

18. The McKinsey case comes strangely late in the debate

Even Macron is surprised “I was expecting this one, you took the time”.

https://twitter.com/DephaseuR/status/1516892548563935234

19. We can’t wait to discover the cyber patrol boats Macron is selling us

The guy thought we were in Blade Runner. It smokes me. In addition, we loved that he evokes without trembling the lip the training of the police in taking complaints for feminicides while having erected a Darmanin as Minister of the Interior. Hat.

20. YOUHOU, we will finally have had our sequence veil/security/clandestine/prison/Islam/they are everywhere

We were expecting the good old Navy. So don’t worry, in case you had any doubts, she’s still very racist and Islamophobic and thinks we’re siphoning off cars at all costs. We take 2 minutes to go puking and we come back.

21. 11:46 p.m .: will this debate never stop?

Like the five-year period to come, this debate is long. Very long. Too long. Personally, I forgot what the faces of other humans looked like on earth apart from Macron, Le Pen, Bouleau, and Salamé.

22. Well definitely, this evening will have been long and hard for Gilles Bouleau…

Did you know that Gilles Birch was not just a tree? He is also a tight-lipped journalist.

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