Parisians are a special category of people in the world and on earth more generally. And as Alexandre Dumas Fils said “God invented the Parisian so that foreigners could not understand anything about the French”. But we are not here to criticize the Parisians. We are above all there to know how in 4 words to touch their Achilles heel. Take note.
And we admit, to find our proud and valiant arguments, we relied in part on this tweet because the answers made us laugh.
1. “I have an F6 for the price of your studio”
It’s just mean to say that. Bad.
2. “Following a technical/traveller incident…”
The words that announce the end of your life when you travel by metro or RER.
3. “We are going to buy in Asnières”
Kill yourself then.
4. “You have to take line 13”
It’s a legal no-go. And why not take the RER A too? Haha. You are dumb.
5. “Sorry I reserved this scooter.”
6. “Still not an owner?”
In Paris, the concept of property does not exist. Except when you are already the owner at birth. For the others, go fuck yourself.
7. “Why aren’t you buying?”
CF. previous point.
8. “No place in nursery”
Even for a Parisian who has no children, it’s a trying sentence that can make us sink into depression.
9. “Happy hour is over”
Haha OK well hello.
10. “Blanche Gardin sucks”
May whoever dares to throw this statement in my face burn in hell. Or in Cholet.
11. “Are we having a movie at Les Halles?”
OK but in this case we just go into the room. We’re not going to see a movie. We know that this activity is incompatible with this zone of lawlessness. Overall, to get a Parisian drunk, just put the word “halles” in the sentence.
12. “This beer is not craft”
But while you’re at it, don’t make IPA too! bunch of degenerates!
13. “We don’t take credit cards”
Variant: we do not take the credit card below 27 euros.
14. “Have you booked?
No. We are not in Paris. There’s one restaurant per square meter, we won’t bother booking.
15. “More space on the terrace”
But do you have a rope left to hang me?
16. “Traffic is momentarily interrupted”
In general, everything related to public transport is a rather sensitive subject.
17. “The neighborhood AMAP is complete”
AH BAH GREAT ONCE AGAIN THE CLICHE OF BOBO ECOLO PARISIANS WHO EAT GLUTEN IN AMAP.
Yes and so ? It’s good to be green, isn’t it? It’s good to eat organic, isn’t it? It’s better to go to an Amap rather than Carrouf, isn’t it? Parisians ailments, assume, and live fulfilled with your Amap.
18. “Next metro in 4 minutes”
Is there a strike or what?
19. “We’ve run out of red.”
Well, it’s not just for Parisians. This sentence can create intense anguish in any normally constituted person. Strictly speaking, we can talk about biodynamic wine for Parisians, but that’s all.
20. “Don’t you have a bathtub?”
So already no because I live in an 8 m². But besides, I don’t know if you’re current, but the baths are over now, we stop wasting water, my guy. Motherfucker ! You just have to shit on the planet too!
To the attention of our entire community: you often tell us that we are stupid Parisians, and if you are absolutely right about the fact that we are stupid, know that 98% of the Topiteurs that we are do not come not, but then not at all from Paris. So yes we live in Paris, yes we don’t give a damn about Paris and Parisians but yes we also don’t give a damn about people who don’t give a damn about Paris. That way, nobody is jealous.
And if you have any doubts about your identity, you can find our little signs that you are Parisian.
As a Parisian proverb said: .