The only thing in the world that I love even more than Squeezie horror threads is REAL horror movies, but not the big turnips where we already know the fall, I’m talking about the 10 best horror movies . But, the problem is that strangely, the characters of horror films are all linked by a common denominator: stupidity. Unable to think for themselves, they like to do super stupid stuff for which you want to shout in front of the screen “What the hell are you doing, you village idiot, you’re going to die stupidly be amazed you big stupid shit, you are responsible for all my misfortunes, my guy who left me it’s your fault!!!!! Anyway, I do that. And to be able to spit out my hatred, I decided to list them and insult them all at the same time.
1. Move into a house where there have already been 12 murders
– Hello, in this house there were 3 kids who ripped off their parents’ ears, a woman who burned her husband’s penis and 4 ghosts who settled in full time, you don’t mind I hope ?
– Not at all, let’s go!
2. Run in the forest towards shady noises
“Oh, it’s 5 a.m., I live alone in a cabin with no other human 10km around, and I just heard the sound of a pig being slaughtered, and if I went into the woods to see what ‘it happens ???????? »
3. Scream when they see a killer with a bloodstained machete
Already, it’s shooting up our eardrums, frankly, there’s nothing pleasant about it, and besides, believe me guys, that’s not going to save you.
4. Ignore dogs barking very strangely at 4 a.m.
“Ahah, they must have seen a cat go by, I’m going to go back to sleep quietly on my two ears”
5. Walk around the whole house and in the basement without turning on a single light
“What’s the point of turning on the light?” I love being in the dark, it’s not like a serial killer could attack me ahahaha”
6. Break up the group so that everyone goes their own way
They are in a group of 8, they can seriously survive the super dangerous serial killer by staying united. But no, they all prefer to separate and go everywhere to see why there are suspicious noises in the house. And afterwards they are surprised to die stupidly, these idiots.
7. Finding the drawing of the family kid’s imaginary friend “too cute”
Except that the kid is 7 years old, his imaginary friend is called “Valak” and looks like that, but calm, it shocks no one.
8. Staying in the house even when shady things have been going on for 4 nights
But what exactly are you waiting for, to be killed? Take your favorite panties and get out of there cousin, go sleep on the street if you have to but get out!
9. Coming out of his very good hiding place while the killer is still in the woods
It’s still dark, you still hear noises that couldn’t really be called “ASMR noises” but you still say to yourself “Hmmm here, what if I came out of my hiding place to show the killer that I’m still there and that I’m super dumb and easy to catch? No Jonathan, you’re doing it on purpose.
10. Having an unbelieving guy in the band telling all his friends they’re crazy.
“But guys, who cares that Brad got both his arms ripped off, I swear you’re just paranoid this house is definitely not haunted” But really never have that buddy huh, me a buddy like that I kill myself so much it pisses me off.
11. Realizing they’re screwed ONLY when the dog disappears
Really, there may be 30 humans who die or mysteriously disappear, but the family man will only start to worry when he no longer sees his dog Nesquick. It might be time to wake up before, don’t you think sir?
12. Saying they have no choice but to move and have to stay there
Because each time, they are in this house because the father of the family has lost his job and has invested all his savings in a house whose work costs more than if he had bought a new house. Super smart, well done.
13. Not telling anyone when they go chasing after a ghost
The guy goes into the forest at 3 a.m., without a weapon, and chasing after a demonic spirit, but he doesn’t even say to himself “hey, it might be a little fair to tell someone that I’m leaving, we never know in case something happens to me”. But frankly guys you will just run to your loss it’s not possible, it’s a suicidal act there.
14. Never check that their phone has network
As luck would have it, all horror movie characters, as soon as something dark happens to them and they want to call the emergency services, they run out of battery and they’re screwed. Because of course, they all have iPhones, as if they weren’t aware that with that their chances of dying are multiplied by 4.
15. Never believe someone who has 25 proven proofs of a supernatural presence in the house
And pass him off as the big hyper paranoid jerk when he’s the only one who will survive, bunch of cretins.
16. Find a super creepy doll and decide to adopt her
“Oh look at that doll, she’s beautiful, she must be from your grandmother’s time!” You should sleep with it. No, nobody does that, we throw it away or at the limit we sell it on Vinted, but we don’t fucking adopt it, it’s still the behavior of a guy who wants to die stupidly.
17. Hear noise and ask if anyone is there
But tell the police Jennifer, what are you waiting for?????
18. Have a female character who freaks out completely
“AAH!! How are we going to do this ??? I’m going to die, help, what do we do now? Have you ever seen a girl who had no idea how to handle herself during a crisis situation?
19. Not watching enough horror movies to know when it’s going to get messy.
Because I swear to you that me, seeing how I saw everything, at the slightest noise in my apartment I pull myself out and I bequeath the apartment to the killer, I don’t care, I’m too scared.
20. Never think of reasoning with the killer by explaining to him that killing people is rude and that he should find a less hostile hobby, advise him to go see a psychiatrist because all that is certainly linked to childhood traumas
It is an option still unexplored by the characters of horror films but which is tried.