Like the ashy galinette, there is the good cyclist and the bad cyclist. The good cyclist is someone who respects other users, who adapts his speed and stops when asked. The bad cyclist is a ravaged pedal who burns the zebra crossings. Here is his portrait.
1. You run all the red lights
From the moment you saw the small signs that allow the bike to pass or turn in some cases despite the light, you applied this rule for ALL red lights. It’s up to the other vehicles to adapt to your pace. No time to follow the rules. Carpe Diem.
2. You ride with a helmet
But not a helmet to protect you in the event of an accident, an audio helmet in which you swing sound up to 200 decibels in each ear.
3. You write to anyone on your phone while riding
You’re still not going to waste time stopping to write a message. And even less wait to have arrived at destination to answer. No no. As long as you can hold your bike with one hand, it would be stupid not to use the second for other things like using your phone or juggling.
4. If you have to go through a one-way road, you don’t care
At worst you are driving on the sidewalk. The concept of distance as the crow flies is not a metaphor for your journeys.
5. You slalom between the cars
You have a bike path for you but frankly the laziness to go ride with all these idiots on two wheels. You what you want is life in the open air, your nose to the ass of the exhaust pipes, that’s true freedom.
6. You cross a Y-junction on your rear wheel
It takes less space though, just hope that no other stupid cyclist passes you when you fold your front wheel on the asphalt.
7. You accelerate at pedestrian crossings
Because pedestrians are the real public dangers in fact. The other day I still saw a stupid pedestrian with his phone who wasn’t looking at the road, well I ran over him I can tell you that served him well as a lesson. Well OK it was a baby in a stroller, but still.
8. You drop unexpected U-turns regardless of the road
Cyclists don’t have time to reconsider a new route when they get stuck.
9. People insult you and fuck you all day long
You concentrate the hatred of all road users, motorists, pedestrians, cyclists, scooter riders. Even the zeppelin pilots put a contract on your face.
10. Have you ever been caught speeding?
Have you tampered with your electric bike? Yes.
11. You bought a real horn
You make as much noise as an SUV on the road. Besides, you plan to put an exhaust pipe in the ass of the bike to reproduce the real love of riding.
12. You drive drunk at night without lights
Your friends would be more reassured to see you come home driving a bus than on a bike, so much so that you no longer even master the concept of balance.
13. You have been removed from all bike rental platforms
I didn’t even know that was possible. They had to change the law just for you, you shot too many bikes mate.
14. You brake with your foot
And you ride in flip flops.
15. You have more brakes
The gum has simply been eroded as has my patience with your inadmissible behavior.
16. Have you ever been stopped on the ring road?
But the hell, what the hell were you doing there Bernard?
17. You chase other cyclists at a red light to run errands
And you make a very annoying noise with your mouth, imitating the sound of a big car. When it’s 8:30 a.m. and people are going to work or taking their children to school.
18. You always have a crowbar in your bag
Because you always lose your padlock keys and it’s easier to cut it in half.
19. You negotiate turns without hands
And by closing your eyes because your imagination lets you glimpse more beautiful landscapes than the sad grayness of the city.
20. When you arrive at your destination you do a controlled skid for 20 meters
And if possible you slide to the side passing under the wheels of a 12 ton.