As far as beauty is concerned, we’re used to it. From expressions of rednecks to redneck jokes through redneck accessories without forgetting our legendary quiz: are you redneck?, there is enough to put under the canine. Today we explore the sulphurous world of hiking, a world without faith or law, which smells of sweat. And when it smells of sweat, it smells redneck.
The pick-up lines heavier than a cinder block
1. “So how are we climbing?”
Answer that, jackal.
In this regard, I refer you to this video of Gérard le beauf on a hike, which quite simply inspired us with this healthy top. Overall, go follow Sarah Treille-Stefani and especially go listen to her Frootch podcast which is one of the most beautiful things that humanity has ever invented just after Samuel Etienne.
2. “A lot of nice plants around here I think”
Seduced ? Without a doubt.
3. “Say, nature is well done”
4. “Not bad that throat”
Troubled ? Certainly.
5. “This mountain is like a woman, you have to tame it”
People who say these kinds of sentences, they fuck the female dog.
6. “You’ll see, on arrival you’ll be amazed!”
With the possibility of adding “doll” at the end. Because we always need a little “doll” to feel beautiful in life.
Phrases of encouragement that make you want to eat crushed glass
7. “Oh hoist the sausage, the first to arrive will be entitled to a Pastis”
Small variant to encourage hikers who are more sensitive to beautiful things.
8. “Go all together, a kilometer on foot wears out, it wears out, a kilometer on foot wears out your shoes”
And shit, that’s it, I have it in my head.
9. “It’s crazy how much we breathe anyway, eh? It’s a change from all this pollution, huh? Oh, it’s far from the metro/work/sleep, huh?”
Remember to insist on the “eh” so as to always validate your useful observation with your captivated audience.
The sentences of people who make fun of you because you’re too slow when you’re actually just a little tired but you’re still super dignified
10. “So, how do we get yogurt in our calves?”
Yogurt can be replaced by any type of soft food: aligot, hummus, tarama, Laurent Delahousse…
11. “Say, I didn’t think we grew tomatoes in the area”
Report to the fact that you are bright red and that denotes a little with the greenery of the landscape.
12. “The slower you walk, the more you get tired”
13. “My water bottle is empty, and I’m not talking about you MDR”
Hin hin hin hin hin hin.
The shitty quotes that people always pull out while you’re slathering on your ass
14. “Hey you know what Hitchcock said, ‘Life isn’t just about breathing, it’s about gasping for breath’, so you don’t have to pause to catch your breath.”
GO heart attack.
15. “As Lao Machin used to say, ‘A journey of a thousand miles always began with a first step’. So move your ass”
A blow to Lao-my-ass-on-the-dresser.
16. “Buddha he said, ‘You can’t travel a path without being the path yourself’ and that wasn’t half a fool.”
Calm down man, we’re just hiking in Fontainebleau.
17. “The slope is steep but the struggle is short”
It’s a person quote. But it could be from someone.
The sentences of big lazy people
18. “We would still have gone faster in the car. I say that I say nothing.”
While on an electric scooter, not at all.
19. “We walked, what? 15 kilometers already there, right? Shall we take a break?”
Fake. We walked 300 meters and took a break 10 minutes ago.
20. “So Deliveroo doesn’t work here?”
Burn in hell, henchman of Satan.
As Enrico Macias said “Hike, hike, hike-give, hike, hike me, hike, hike, hike-give, God will reward you”.