Paris, what a beautiful city with its good croissants, its pretty monuments and its Parisians who are in a hurry. Foreign tourists often have an idealized vision of the City of Light and are overwhelmed when they discover the haughty waiters and people pushing in the metro. So they tweet to laugh it off with us.
1. I’m in Paris, I ordered an oat milk latte and the waiter said no
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2. Having dinner at a restaurant in Le Marais and our waiter told me no, I can’t have a Spritz with my snails because it’s an appetizer, it’s not appropriate. That’s it, I finally feel in Paris
3. Give a mouse a cake and you’ll feed it for a day… Teach it to cook and it’ll cook in a 5-star restaurant in Paris, including an excellent ratatouille (and that’s ok because he washes his little rat hands)
4. “Why French men are so weird and French women are so beautiful”
5. We hate finishing our sentences, it’s a tradition
6. 11am in a café in Paris and a woman with a beautiful Vuitton bag sat down to order a glass of white…it’s hard to see other people living your dream
7. To be honest, Paris croissants really look like the ones they sell at Costco
8. Once, I invited my mother to a 3-star restaurant in Paris, there were like 30 tiny dishes in a row and my mother said “wow the French are really strong. How is it possible to do so much? dishes that are all bad”. I still laugh about it every day
9. I’m just a guy…sitting in a bookstore cafe in Paris…waiting for the fucking Bereal notification
10. In a café in Paris in 2000, a colleague wanted to order a “la mode” dessert. The waiter, with a perfectly French sneer, asked, “A fashionable dessert?”
(In the United States, the expression “à la mode” means “with a scoop of ice cream”)
11. France: We are classy people. Our national dish and a grilled ham sandwich. And his wife, it’s a grilled ham sandwich with an egg on it
12. One day, I had my wallet stolen on the metro in Paris and I saw the guy with the wallet in his hand turning around. I said to him “Dude, I’m only here for two days, there’s no money in it, can you give it back to me?”. The guy looked into it, shrugged and handed it back to me. A nice guy.
13. I swear, I just asked a Paris taxi “Can you take me to the Eiffel Tower?” and he looked at me blankly saying “Which trick?”
Americans need to work on their accent a bit
14. Why do the French look so depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is England.
15. I was once upgraded on an Air France flight and when I told them I was a vegetarian, they said “Oh, we don’t do that here”
16. In a French bakery, I asked, “Can I have the Montagnard without butter?” and the manager replied “You can, but I feel sorry for it”
17. Once in Paris, I bought a small souvenir at Notre-Dame. They gave me a plastic bag and to try to be green, I gave it back. I got a typical French “pffff” and he threw the bag on the floor.
18. In France, my mother-in-law asked for a coffee with her meal and the waiter replied “I imagine you mean after the meal”
19. Our flight got canceled so Tom asked the Uber driver if he could take us to London from Paris
20. The taxi driver just said a bad word in French and said “Excuse my French”. I love Paris too much.
(Anglophones use the expression “Excuse my french” to apologize for their vulgarity)
If they are not happy, they just have to go on vacation at home (typical Parisian reaction).