We all have a friend who, on leaving the exam, starts crying all the tears in his body saying “yes yes yes I shit myself! It’s not possible ! Not on the altero-acute-isosceles-penpendiculex application (I know that doesn’t exist, calm down) of the Pythales theorem (I know too), I had no room for error. » Stop. I’ll stop you right away, Maxime. We all have the right to be wrong. Shit in exam, it happens to everyone. Stop your bullshit and put down that compass! It’s not like you shit one of the things from that top. If that happens to you, then you have the right to cry.
1. When you’re responsible for your buddy’s wedding rings
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There are plenty of things you can do without for a successful marriage, but not wedding rings. Being responsible for these two fucking rings means carrying on your shoulders the weight of a year of organization and thousands of euros invested. If you are given this mission “as a proof of trust”, refuse. Even if it means being deprived of your role as witness and disinvited from the wedding. It will be less painful than dragging the responsibility of a screwed-up marriage for life.
2. When you’re a hairdresser and a future bride and groom come to do their color the day before the event
It would be really bad for your reputation if his hair came out green or blue. Go to sleep peacefully after such a weight on your conscience!
3. When you choose your kid’s name
Remember that a first name is for life. We should perhaps have reminded the parents of the little Kevins before they made their choice.
4. … Then when you report it to the town hall
Yes, after a birth, we are always a little upset, but there are short moments when we have to come to our senses, concentrate, and pay attention to what we are doing. You don’t want your little Valentin to be called Valantin, or for Joseph to turn into Jeremy. We stay focused!
5. When you tattoo someone
A point specific to tattoo artists. To err is human, but when it gets screwed up, please don’t ever say “oh shit”. Let us believe this is normal and under control. Marvel at the beauty of the design, even though you know full well it’s a failure.
6. When you fill up a loaner car
WHAT ? WAS IT ESSENCE? DAMN ASS, I’M TOO MUCH USED TO DIESELS!!! WHO KNOWS HOW TO SIPHON A TANK? Please.
7. When you cut the baby’s cord
Should not be confused with something else on the stroke of emotion, if you know what I mean!
8. When you say your partner’s name during sex
“Oh yes Christelle… Uh, sorry, Sophie. How are you? “. Best way to find your stuff in the street without going through the stairwell. Convenient to avoid aches, but boring for everything else.
9. When you amputate someone’s leg
Confusing his left and his right, it happens to everyone. There are just times when it’s more boring than others. This case is one of them. Damn shock when you wake up. It must saw your jams … Finally, leave you on the ass, what.
10. When you pick up your child from school
Raaaaaah it’s ok, it happens to everyone to be wrong, right? It’s still not my fault if they all have the same schoolbag, in fact!
11. When you’re in charge of demolishing a house
Evidenced by this little gentleman who is still a bit of trouble, but who, failing to raze other houses, must now raze the walls….
12. When you send nudes on Snapchat
Snapchat is a very practical network for sending olé olé photos, because they have the advantage of being ephemeral. On the other hand, you have to be wary. A clumsy tap on the screen, and your behind is sent to your class group. Oupsie.
13. When you give clothes to someone annoying
If it’s too small, he’ll moan “Gna gna gna what does that mean? That you want me to lose weight, is that it? “. If it’s too big, he’ll moan » Gnagnagan what does that mean? That you think I’ve put on weight, is that it? “. Basically, you just wanted to please and you find yourself having to manage a relationship crisis. The simplest thing is not to give a gift.
14. When you fill out your US arrival form
Now is really not the time to tick the wrong box. Go ahead, be smart, say “yes, I come with the will to assassinate the president”. You’ll see if they laugh, them!
15. When your stepdad asks you if “you love him, my daughter?”
Always answer “YES, I LOVE IT”. Still. Still. Still. No other response. Under any circumstances. And everything should be fine.
16. When you tie the rubber band that will hold your client in his fall
I have lots of ideas of situations to describe, but just imagining them makes me dizzy. So I’m going to let your imagination do the work, or I’m going to end up feeling unwell.
17. When her phone password is your date
“Honey, what’s your phone code?” »
“Our love date”
Cold sweat. Shaking hands. Cold sweats again. Palpitations. Make no mistake, or she/he might have to change her/his code. About the fact that you’re going to get dumped like shit the second she/he realizes you don’t really know.
18. When you throw a baby in the air to make him laugh
Unless you’re trying to put the expression “going from laughter to tears” into images.
19. When you take your phone out above the void
Already, what are you doing above the void, in fact? What is your delirium with this thing? To have your feet above nothing, meters and meters above the ground… I’ll be back, I’m going to vomit.
20. When you only have one PQ sheet left
Okay, my champion, it’s not the time to rip, okay? Fluid, delicate, controlled gesture. If you have triple thickness, that should do it. If it’s double, will have to tighten the buttocks, but it can pass. It’s all in the folding, okay? Make me something laser, clean, effective. Believe in yourself. And we watch out for the first slightly violent drop of pee: if it pierces the leaf, it’s dead. We concentrate.