There are plenty of illegal things you do without knowing it like feeding pigeons or dressing up as a firefighter, but there are also completely legal things that no one ever does. Sometimes, because we are too ashamed or afraid to pass for a strange guy. Often it’s just because it wouldn’t cross anyone’s mind. Anyway, here is a compilation of actions that no one ever does when we have every right, be damn free!
1. Walk down the street with a glass of water from home
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Nobody’s stopping you from walking around with your glass, but it’s still weird. What to do with the glass once you’ve finished drinking the water? Won’t it break if you put it in your bag? Still, if everyone did that, there would still be less waste.
2. Standing with your back to the door in an elevator
Imagine an unglazed elevator without a mirror. The doors open, you were going to go inside but there’s a guy behind you looking at the wall. It’s weird and scary.
3. Sing while walking without listening to music
Singing in the street while listening to music through headphones is okay as long as it’s at a reasonable volume. Singing without music and dancing alone is inconceivable. It’s a shame, but that’s the way it is.
4. Peel an orange to bite into
An orange is eaten in quarters. If the inventors of oranges, Mr. and Mrs. Aurange, had wanted it to be eaten like an apple, then they would not have created the orange with pre-drawn segments. That’s how it is, that’s all.
5. Hold the bathroom door open for the next one
We do it with the front door, with the elevator door and even with the swing door of the subway but certainly not with the bathroom door in a public toilet. Why ? It’s probably too intimate. Yet everyone knows what you’re going to do in there.
6. Bite into a Kit-Kat without separating the pieces
The Kit-Kat, like the Paille d’Or, also have pre-drawn parts. Failure to respect this separation is an insult to all biscuit producers in the world. You don’t bite into a Kit-Kat without separating the bars, period.
7. Leaving a restaurant because the menu doesn’t inspire you
Imagine sitting in a restaurant. The waiter sets the table, you take off your coat, sit down and look at the menu. When ordering, the waiter asks you what would make you happy and you answer “In fact there is nothing that tempts me, I will go thank you”. Nobody does that, it’s absolutely inconceivable.
8. Rent a porn movie
Porn, you can pay for it if you’re a beautiful person or watch it in streaming if you don’t assume. If we choose to pay, we obviously pay a subscription. No one buys porn DVDs or individual movies yet because it’s not 1998 anymore. Worse still: renting a porn movie in a video store in 2020. It’s unthinkable.
9. Request a refund for an item you just bought
When you buy an item in store, you usually have a limited time to be able to get a refund. How would merchants react if a refund was requested 5 minutes after purchasing an item? It makes no sense, but it’s not illegal.
10. Bring your own plate to the restaurant
Bringing your plate to the restaurant is even weirder than coming to a party with your own PQ. When you pay for the restaurant, the dishes are obviously included in the price of the meal. Nevertheless, it is in no way forbidden to come with your own dishes and ask for them to be used.
11. Go to a school fair without knowing any children
A fair is convivial and everyone is welcome. Everyone, except this guy who doesn’t know anyone and who comes just for the beauty of the CE2 end-of-year show. It’s weird, it’s scary and this guy is immediately cataloged as a dangerous character.
12. Talk to your dog in a normal voice
When you address a dog, you must speak with a small, high-pitched voice, it is an unspoken rule. If you’re walking down the street talking to your dog in your normal voice and saying, “Okay, Karim, move over there, we’re going to be late after,” that’s weird.
13. Walk very fast instead of running
In general, any atypical walk is prohibited in the public space. Walking very quickly instead of running, skipping while walking, taking very long steps… all of this should be avoided.
14. Proudly display the French flag in the street
In the United States, in Algeria and especially in Brittany, the flag is a source of pride and everyone can fly it without finding it strange. In France, you cannot have a French flag (unless we have just won the World Cup). Why ? Because it is immediately very fascist.
15. Asking someone if they regret having children
While no one is embarrassed to ask the opposite.
16. Dress in gala attire at the office
Gala outfits are reserved for certain occasions and especially in certain places. Imagine wearing a dress with a train on the subway or at the dentist. No, it’s too weird; only Léna Situations can afford such extravagance.
17. Sliding on the tiles as an adult
It’s super funny, no matter how old you are, but unfortunately it’s impossible when you’re over 14. However, the central aisle of Leclerc de Levallois makes you want to perform your best slides.
18. Go out with a towel on your head to avoid drying your hair
It had never occurred to me but it is indeed a diktat of society that is tacitly imposed on us. The towel wrapped around your hair is not welcome in the public space, you have to get used to it.
19. Crossing at red when children are waiting
Nobody on the right, nobody on the left, you could cross the pedestrian crossing even if the man is red. However, you can’t because children are watching you while quietly waiting for the green man. You don’t want to set a bad example and incur the wrath of the parent who glares at you.
20. Drink water through a straw
Drinking through a straw when you’re not at the fast food restaurant or at the bar is already weird. But drinking water through a straw really doesn’t make sense. Anyway, what’s the use of a straw apart from not swallowing the ice cubes?