Top 18 reasons to never send your child to summer camp, EVER

1. He will learn community life

No but oh, are we in a 70s hippie club or what?? Learn community life, and why not teach him sharing and equality between men while we’re at it?? I tell you, in this world, you are never better served than by yourself, so you might as well raise selfish and disrespectful kids who will climb the ladder by crushing the others. That’s how we move society forward.

2. He will come back with lice

You won’t be able to escape it, he will share his bed, his cap and his bathing cap with half of the camp. And you know you’ll be there too when he comes back. At the start of the school year, your child will be the pariah of the school and no one will want to invite him to birthday parties. Frankly, all that for a week of camp, is it really worth it?

3. He will live his first love experiences

It starts with an embarrassing slow and it ends with ken bareback under a tent at 3am. We know them the jokers. If you want to keep your child to yourself all your life and especially not have grandchildren until you have finished repaying the loan on your house, you know what you have to do.

4. He goes to bed super late every night.

Everyone knows it, in summer camp the evenings last until one o’clock in the morning minimum, and then the children have pillow fights and tell horror stories until no time. Hello fatigue after, you talk about vacation! It will be better with grandpa and grandma to go to bed at 6:30 p.m. your kid.

5. He will get warts

As with head lice, there are stages your kid will have to go through if he goes to summer camp. That of liquid nitrogen to get rid of warts is one.

6. He’s going to lose half his clothes

There’s a Peruvian animator’s proverb from the 1930s that says “Suitcase nickel on arrival, return with less than half. We can’t be more explicit: your kid will show up with shorts that are too big for him, which will in fact be Mathéo’s, he will have lost seven out of eight underpants and his favorite white fleece will have turned pink because of badly done laundry. Believe me, you don’t want to spend two months on Vinted redoing your wardrobe.

7. He’s going to want to play lots of new games with you.

If he offers you a sardine, say yes and let him hide without ever looking for it. Otherwise, you have enough for the day.

8. He’ll waste his pocket money on such crappy memories.

Like, bring you cheap deodorant and instant coffee because he couldn’t find anything better with the €10 he had left (since he used the other €40 to buy a backpack for the effigy of Mickey in Halloween outfit). And yes, now you understand your mistake.

9. He’s never going to want to come home

Not that it bothers you that much, but hey, you still need him to be able to touch CAF.

10. He may realize he has shitty parents.

By dint of rubbing shoulders with animators who let him eat sweets in calm weather and who make him believe that life is kayaking all day, your child will inevitably realize the pain he experiences on a daily basis. . Expect to be held accountable when he returns. I hope your argument is solid…

11. He will send you rotten letters to tell you that he loves you.

Letters full of errors that you will have to post on your fridge to show him that you have received them and that they have not ended up burning in the fireplace. Great, now your kitchen will never be able to pass in Art & Decoration because of your ugly fridge.

12. He’s going to want to use your phone all the time to contact his new friends.

Excuse me, Timéo, but are you the one paying for the 50 gigabytes package, unlimited SMS and MMS calls every month? You’re going to send them an ugly postcard like everyone else before you forget they exist, that’s all.

13. He will harass you to go horseback riding/surfing/quad biking

And believe me, your salary doesn’t allow it, especially since this camp will have already cost you a ball and the mortgage for your T3. At the limit, send him to camp camp so that he has fun with pieces of wood. But frankly, you’re complicating your life a bit in our opinion.

14. He’s going to learn songs that are all better than the next.

And the worst part of all that is that he’ll make a show out of it for you, which he’ll rehearse every year with his cousins ​​in front of the whole family at Christmas. Only to kill the inventor of the “Happy Tyrolean”.

15. He’s going to want to come back every year.

And you still don’t have the money for it. Never send him there, otherwise you’ll just have to start looking for a new job with a good CCE. We warned you.

16. He will be disappointed to see that it has nothing to do with Our Happy Days

And yes, spoiler: there is often no funny Quebec host and it’s rare to go see a Charentaise museum. Imagine his little sad look when he knows that…

17. He will trust 17 year olds

Who are only there to get caught and put the whipped cream on their face while being a little drunk in the 5th. Believe us, you clearly don’t want these people to become an example for your offspring.

18. He’s going to want to be an animator when he grows up.

Understand that your child will thus have the ambition to be paid 1/10 of the hourly minimum wage, to experience unemployment with Pôle emploi and the lack of recognition. And that he will spend his life inventing treasure hunts and painting ugly coats of arms to reward failed children’s drawings. That’s what you want for his future, huh??? Say it right away if you don’t like it!

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