Just because she’s your mom doesn’t mean she’s not funny. Just because it’s your reum doesn’t mean it’s not fun. It’s not because it’s your mother that she doesn’t have a well-honed sense of repartee that would knock out the best of the winnowers, yeah, even the best of the winnowers, even him, even Alexandra.
I was shopping at Home Depot with my boyfriend’s parents. Her mother said to her at one point, “You should let Jenny choose the ceiling fan since she’ll be watching it.” »
2. Go lock yourself in the bedroom
After arguing with my sister about some bullshit, my mom told my dad, “Now I understand why some animals eat their children. »
3. Passive Aggressive
My brother: This year, I’m having a vasectomy for Christmas.
Mother: It’s a gift you’re giving to the planet.
“If his shorts were shorter, you could see his ovaries. »
5. It deserves to be clear
Recently, I hesitated to make a decision. I asked my mom if she had ever done anything she wasn’t proud of. She replied, “Yeah,” staring at me in silence for two minutes.
My mother had grabbed a Bible to kill a bug in my bedroom. Before shooting him down on the thing, she said, “Lord, forgive me for killing one of your magnificent creatures” before proceeding with the assassination.
7. Best of All
Me: “If you had a problem and you could call a superhero, which one would you call? »
My mother: “Ryan Reynolds”
8. A budding techie
My mom thinks she’s dictating to me, but she’s just sending me audio recordings of her saying, “Text Taylor: We’re having dinner, question mark.” »
One day, my mother was drunk by a salesman in a toy store. She had heard that the team had ordered lunch and when she came out she called the restaurant, posed as them and canceled the order.
10. Alcoholism is passed from mother to daughter
I ordered a glass of water at a bar and my mom stared at me, saying, “If I hadn’t given birth to you, I’d swear you were adopted.” »