Have you ever blocked for 2 hours on a garment of your children wondering if it was a provocation? Like a dress size 9 months with “Party all night” written!?! It’s times like this where you wonder if the person behind the idea is just, at best, dumb, reckless, or at worst terribly mean and cruel? Because we are not going to lie to each other, the only person who plays Lionel Richie since she was born and screams All night long, it’s clearly your darling little baby. But do not panic, we give you some tips to reconcile life as a young parent and social life.
1. Redefining the word “evening”
We stop the nostalgia of your years before. Yes, the life of a young parent is a lot of compromises. But that does not mean that it is only made of renunciation. Ok to continue having parties but maybe not until dawn or in any case not without venerating morfler the next day… And then frankly, do we still want to see you dancing on “ I like to move it » by giving everything you have (that is to say, in truth, more since you are rinsed)?
2. Live near your parents
Advantages: no logistical hassle to drop off the children in the four corners of France or pressure for the time to return and release the babysitter. And a priori it’s free. The children are with your parents right next door and you will pick them up quietly the day after the evening.
Disadvantage: you live near your parents.
3. Pick up your children as late as possible
It’s all well and good to slump you back home at 5am like in the good old days. But if you know you’ll be woken up 2 hours later, that’s really paying too much.
4. Organize weekends in huts with several floors
The party is in full swing on the ground floor while upstairs, you have just read the same story for the 14th time to your children who are finally starting to pitch down. It does not solve the problem of fatigue and the hangover the next day but at least no hassle to keep them. And with a bit of luck, you’ll leave as a bonus with inflatable decorations that will keep them busy for the next 2 weeks.
Advice: have rich friends.
Tip 2: be rich.
5. Hang out with other parents and their children
They come with their children who play with yours, uttering high-pitched cries – which in no way alter the taste of your caipirinha – and you release the pressure a little by giving up the idea of putting them to bed early tonight. In reality, you secretly hope they get up later the next day – spoiler: that won’t happen.
6. Dating other parents WITHOUT their children
Everyone has kept their kids but your young parent friends are even more impressed than you. So when they forfeit at 10 p.m., you feel as wild as Christina Aguilera in her “Dirrty” period.
7. Manipulate your friends as soon as your children are born
Obviously calling everyone uncle or auntie around you is winded. But what do you guys think? The whole purpose of the maneuver is to create an emotional bond between our children and you so that the day you are asked for help, you find it normal, even thinking that it is your family duty.
8. Take turns
One parent is out while the other is under house arrest. There are two schools. First the passive aggressive mode: “Yes yes you can go out, of course my love! but the next day you punish said love by letting him handle the kids along with his hangover. Or the solidarity mode: whoever goes out also has the right to sleep in the next day because I’m nice and you’ll pay me back the next time.
9. Establish exit schedules
If the idea of a shared schedule via any app on your phone or worse, in a magnetic calendar on the fridge makes you feel uneasy, don’t panic. The idea is just that the first to say “prem’s!” » blocks the slot. And if the other wants to hit the incrust, it’s up to him to manage to have the children looked after. Several tips for optimal survival of the couple: 1 / Regularly block solo slots. 2/ Regularly block two-person outings. Honestly, if you manage to do that, you can already launch the leetchi kitty for your ruby (or even cinderblock) wedding.
10. Copulate with a homebody
The dancefloor is yours and the guard towers are yours! To you Aya Nakamura and to him the evening “Don’t forget the lyrics” on France 2. Distrust, however: if it turns into the habit, there is a chance that he will opt for the passive aggressive and pretend not to hear the children screaming outside your bedroom door the next day at 7:34 a.m. – “We are awake! “. Is it a hallucination or do you detect a subtle smirk on the face of the motherfucker who is supposedly sleeping next to you?
11. Go out a few meters from your home
For the more adventurous among you, nothing prevents you from going away while your baby sleeps (assuming he lasts more than 30 minutes without screeching). This involves having belatedly made friends with the neighbors next door (you know, that young couple you thought was a bit of a pain in the ass until you had a baby of your own…) or pushing at a pinch until at the cafe downstairs. If you don’t have a super baby monitor that picks up very well, you can also leave a phone on in the baby’s room and with the phone of the other parent, find yourself in direct communication with the baby’s room. If anything happens you will hear it immediately.
12. If you don’t go to the party, the party will come to you
So depending on the configuration of your apartment or your house, we are not necessarily talking about the evening Project X Where very bad trip which ends 48 hours after its start. We are clearly more about a quiet aperitif with friends that ends with the last metro. But remember point number 1: a party is a party!
13. Don’t be afraid to kick everyone out at midnight
Too bad if it’s not cool. Maybe one day they will understand. But when your friend hangs out at your place because he has to join other people after their dinner in a club not far from your neighborhood, that the people in question only come to the table when you are on your 17th very loud yawn and that your buddy doesn’t understand the message, enough is enough. Yes, I’m exhausted and it’s only 11:57 p.m. but I’ll have cuteness in the bar for breakfast (okay, just after a little retching while changing a very overflowing diaper – those who know know).
14. Remember to express your milk (sensitive souls abstain)
Sorry for the unglamorous note, but if you are the new mother of an infant you are breastfeeding, you went out and suddenly you skipped a feed (the co-parent gave a bottle in your absence), believe us and don’t ask any questions: express your milk before going to bed. As a famous sports brand would say: JUST. DO. IT. Otherwise, you may discover a new, previously unknown, enormous pain during the night. And your hangover on the side, it will be a spa treatment in Aix-les-bains.
15. Being rich and having a nanny at home
Or just a babysitter with no time restrictions. Yes then in fact if you are in this situation, we do not even know why you are reading us all this time. To make fun of our setbacks as young struggling parents? Uncool.
16. Being a robot and not needing much sleep
So in addition to going out and being on the job the next day, are you also that person who polished the house and made homemade muffins that were soft on the inside and slightly crunchy on the sides? We would like to judge you but we are too tired for that. A blueberry muffin and we forget for this time?
17. Know how to recover the next day
If, despite all our tips, you went out AND you came home late AND the children slept at home AND it’s you who get up at dawn to manage them… Well, big up (and follow our remedies for the hangover of wood)! Ok, it’s going to be a long day, we’re not going to pretend. But there’s a way to get out of it anyway: lie down on the sofa like an old lady under her plaid and arrange as many occupations as possible around it so that the child can take care of himself as independently as possible. possible. So of course you are not given two seconds for him to climb on you anyway, but you can continue to vegetate. And if you really can’t stand it anymore, we’re not proud, but the magic solution to scavenge sleep is still cartoons! Yes, yes, no screens before 3 years blablabla. We’ll catch up with a salt dough activity next weekend, I promise.