Yeah it’s the holidays, yeah it’s hot its great dead, yeah we can’t take the heat wave anymore. But if there’s one thing you shouldn’t do to cool off, it’s a splash in the open sea. never set foot in Perro-Guirec, it’s so nice!! “. Know that I’m Pisces, so I know what I’m talking about. The sea is the worst bathing place ever, and here’s why in 16 well-argued points.
1. There is more trash than in your trash can
Between the disgusting old bottles, cigarette butts, picnic leftovers and stinky seaweed, it almost makes you want to take a dip in the municipal recycling center. It’s all the same isn’t it?
2. Everyone pees in it
No, no, this hot current that you have just felt along your legs is not a surface heated by the sun, but rather by Étienne, 23, a business school student.
3. There are often plenty of rocks waiting to hide your little feet
And when you least expect it, SHLACK! They shamelessly split half your toes open and you piss his great aunt off because salt water stings like a strength 3 guacamole. Fucking rocks.
4. She’s never the right temperature anyway
Either it’s too cold because you have the nerve to swim in the Atlantic Ocean, or it’s too hot because it’s summer and the sun is beating down, as people complain about people who didn’t understand the heat wave. We’re better off in the bath, eh, I’m telling you.
5. Chances are you’ll get sick
In addition to the quality of the sand which also has its share of responsibility in infections, know that at sea, you can end up with, among other things, fungal infections, gastroenteritis, diarrhea and many others. illnesses that can be caught while bathing. If after that you still want to go, I can’t do anything for you.
6. People are having sex in the sea, but actually yucky
It’s as if you were sleeping in the bed of strangers where ten couples came to ken. Who is tempted, I reserve you a little night?
7. This story is still dangerous
Hydrocution, drowning, rollers and too strong currents, diving accidents… I don’t want to undermine your morale, but if you still have beautiful things to live for, forget swimming in the sea.
8. Your feet will get to know a lot of unknown materials
Already, you have a 9 out of 8 chance of accidentally encountering vipers, conger eels or jellyfish who just want to hurt you for their own pleasure. But your feet will also be able to touch the excrement of children passing by, sticky fish that like human company a little too much and crabs delighted to test their defense equipment. Thanks, but no thanks.
9. When you come out, you’re all full of salt, it pulls, it itches, it rips your hair
A fortune spent for a year on moisturizing products to have beautiful skin and silky hair so that all your efforts are fucked by water with too much sodium chloride. It is shameful.
10. Too much feeling in the heart because of the sandbanks
You’re there, you advance quietou walking at your own pace to adapt your body to the temperature and boom! You find yourself three meters under water because the sandbank ended up with a 95% slope. BUT IT’S NOT GOING TO MAKE US LIKE BLOWS FINALLY????!!!
11. “Sharks aren’t dangerous gngngngn” but actually shut up
Have you ever seen Jaws? Alright, shut up, thank you!
12. You don’t have the same closeness with other people as in the footbath of a municipal swimming pool
“EH HO FRIENDS ???? Where are you ???? Believe me, if Robinson Crusoe’s ship had capsized at Aquaparc, not much would have happened to it, except for a few plantar warts.
13. You have to wait for the tides to be able to swim and not have to walk forever to lose your footing
It’s a swim or a hike, damn it in the end! In addition, when you go back, the sea will have risen too much and will have soaked your towel in addition to having taken away your book and your wallet. Oh great, really, best time!
14. There’s a guy on a high chair watching you with binoculars from the beach
No but it’s ok, you want my eyes too????? Who does he think he is, that’s it as soon as you have a little power, you use it to humiliate others…
15. You have a 96% chance of drifting away and never finding your family.
Nor your bath towel, the one with the grazing pony that you love so much.
16. We get pissed off after ten minutes
“The first to reach the yellow buoy wins! Yeah great and now we’re freezing our ass off for half an hour just so we don’t feel like we got our hair wet for nothing.
17. If you don’t want to bump into the coral reefs, don’t swim after putting on sunscreen
But if you don’t put it on, you get sunburn that will burn you in the 8th degree, no, but where are we?