If you’ve been to school, or you have friends, or you’ve ever surfed the internet, then you must have heard one of those well-known urban legends that run through every family (if not, it’s probably that you don’t exist, sorry). But frankly, we’re starting to get a bit fed up with these stories experienced by your mother’s cousin’s best friend’s friend. Thirty years that we hear the same, it would be a question of renewing ourselves.
1. The guy who wrote “L’audace c’est ça” on his philosophy paper
The legend (mixed with other legends, it’s always better) also says that his copy would have been corrected by several teachers who gave him either 0 or 20. Of course, he finally had 20. The guy is a legend (it is the case to say). Well sorry to disappoint you little friends, but this anecdote is taken from the film The pawn (1978). Your dream of having this subject in the bac is collapsing, I know, it’s hard.
2. Hitler was a vegetarian
Old anecdote that should show a parallel between his love of animals and his hatred of humans (I’m not going to tell you the story, but let’s not forget that some humans were still more targeted than others). Well know that no, not at all, this guy was a big fdp from start to finish who just had to eat vegetarian because of a medical prescription but who almost never did. Animal lover my ass!
3. The white lady hitchhiking at the bend of a country road
When your mom told you never to pick up people hitchhiking, she was probably thinking of this story: that of a woman dressed in white who hitchhiked in the middle of the countryside in the middle of the night (super dangerous, this girl didn’t clearly not passed her highway code already) and who, once in the car, starts screaming as she approaches a bend (the one where she died) before disappearing. Not very very polite as a carpooler, we do not recommend.
4. McDonald’s burgers contain anti-emetic products
But if, remember your friend Tristan, from college, who, when you tasted your first Big Mac as a grown-up, told you to look under your burger and told you that the white mark on the bun was the trace of the syringe used to insert a product against vomiting because the burger was far too fatty for the human body. Well, he was talking a lot of shit about little Tristan. Because if he had worked at McDo instead of wasting his time playing with Pokémon cards, he would have learned that this trace is in fact an imperfection due to the defrosting of the burgers. And Knock Tristan.
5. Red Santa is from a Coca-Cola ad
Yes, you too have heard this story of Santa Claus who had a green suit until Coca-Cola got involved and made an advertisement by making him wear red, which completely ruined the tradition and the spirit of Christmas, frankly, overused. Well it’s completely nonsense, there are plenty of images of Santa Claus dressed in red that date from before the advertisement in question. Keep spreading fake news like this and you’ll get zero Christmas gifts, I tell you!
6. The RedBull would be made with a product from the testicles of bulls
A common urban legend among college kids trying energy drinks for the first time who think the taurine in RedBull has something to do with bull sperm. Well know my little prepubescent children that taurine is in fact an amino acid present in the bile of humans, but also of animals such as bulls or oysters. Just a pity that we don’t say “mounted like an oyster”, that would have much more style.
7. There are baby alligators in the sewers of Paris, brought back by American tourists and flushed down the toilet because they are too big to live in an apartment.
If a friend refuses to hide with you in the sewers of Paris to escape the police because you stole sandwiches at Monoprix, tell him that he fears nothing. At least not with alligators anyway. These poor beasts, if there really were any in our sewers, could not survive in the filthy waters of Paris (who is surprised?). And above all, these cold-blooded animals need to see the sun, a bit like the dead plants on your balcony.
8. The guy who knocks down a door when his teacher tells him to take the door
Story necessarily told by your 12-year-old niece that she herself got from a friend who told her that all the time, really too golri. 12,500 doors are unhinged every day in colleagues in France. But it’s a lot for the carpenters, thank you for the economy.
9. The Orleans rumor that women were kidnapped through trapdoors in fitting rooms to feed prostitution rings
Certainly the most famous urban legend in France. Launched in 1969 in the Orléans region, this rumor quickly spread throughout France. Women would be kidnapped by Jewish store managers (hello anti-Semitism) who would trap them with wooden trapdoors in the fitting rooms, then drug them and evacuate them through tunnels to deliver them to the white slave trade. But problem, and not least, there were in fact no disturbing disappearances reported in the region at that time. We are therefore on a beautiful well-crafted legend. A textbook case in launching big mythos (but which nevertheless hurt many traders and people of the Jewish faith).
10. AIDS-contaminated syringes in movie theater seats
A beautiful legend which was born in Issy-les-Moulineaux in 2001 and which has spread almost everywhere thanks to chain mails (damn, what a time). However, it is highly unlikely to prick your ass with a forgotten syringe in a cinema room since the cleaning services come between each session to clean our leftover popcorn. And then a syringe that fits on a folding seat, it’s still not trivial…
11. We would eat spiders while we sleep
Very happy to learn that this story is totally false, first of all because all our oral organs are very sensitive and that if a foreign body came into contact with it, our body would react and wake us up automatically (afterwards I don’t know either if I want to wake up with a tarantula on my tongue, but ok). And then it must also be said that spiders are quite afraid of humans and therefore do not particularly want to get to know our canines. This story would have been invented by a German journalist to demonstrate the credulity of Internet users (yes, well, it’s ok, it’s just because these little beasts scare me…).
12. We would only use 10% of our brain
Know everyone that those who think that are actually only using 3% of their brains. It was my grandmother who told me. This “myth of incomplete use of the brain” is completely false and stems simply from the fact that some people have developed higher abilities than “normal” humans. So don’t feel amazing because you still have a lot of stuff to discover, you’re just the most basic really.
13. If a student dies during the senior year, all students in the class have their baccalaureate
There is no point in asking your little friends if they really feel good in their lives at the moment to push them to open their blood vessels: death in any way will not get you your baccalaureate without working, sorry. In addition, with the new reform of Jean-Michel Blanquer’s baccalaureate education and continuous monitoring, it becomes almost useless to push your classmates down the stairs.
14. A friend who slept with a Canadian who told him “Knocker, I’m not your mother”
This is false, Quebecers (because yes, this expression would come from Quebec) never say that. Never.
15. The woman who had worms in her vagina because her boyfriend slept with dead bodies and she didn’t know it.
EWWWWWWWWW. But it’s okay to say such disgusting stuff or what???? Do you really want me to throw up my 3.5€ white wine when you tell me this story in the evening that happened to the cousin of one of your friends? Honestly, do you find other friends because they don’t seem to understand the concept of sarcasm (or joking).
16. The guy who carried his dead dog in a suitcase on the subway and had it stolen
But yes, you know! That of a guy who loses his dog and who has to take it to a morgue far from home, so he stuffs the body in a suitcase and takes the metro. Then he meets a guy who asks him what’s inside this suitcase that looks super heavy (like when we come home from our darons with half the fridge) and the other answers him ” Something very precious”. So the stranger steals the suitcase when the alarm rings, thinking he’s getting rich, and finds himself with a dead dog on his arms. Well know that this story did not happen to your uncle’s neighbor, any more than it happened to the son of your eco teacher. OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!