When we were little, there were TV shows that we never missed, like the French cartoons of our childhood that we watched on the way home from school. Now that we are more or less adults, when we come home from work, we come across shows like Chasseur d’appart’. Almost as well, you tell me, if it weren’t for these few elements that put us a little on our nerves. We say it once and for all so that there will be room for action and then we won’t talk about it anymore.
1. People with an 18-figure budget
It’s okay, you don’t want to buy back France’s debt rather than piss us off with your 18-storey architect-designed house with a swimming pool embedded in the terrace??? Disrespect, I swear…
2. The cliffhangers just before the ad
Oh no eh, you can’t leave me like that, I NEED to know if these strangers are going to buy this barrack completely out of their budget! It’s outrageous what you’re doing, you hear me??
3. Couples who fall out during a visit
Some want new, the other old, one wants a cellar, the other the attic, one wants an open kitchen, the other closed… Just explain to us, you are really married or is it for TV?? Because there really, I don’t give this couple six months before they divorce and leave the house.
4. Stéphane Plaza’s awkward ass jokes
He can’t help it, every time he visits a room, he has to make a reference to fucking. Stéphane, we love you very much, but stop, let us admire the room quietly.
5. Real estate agents who shit on their competitors
“I present to you today this property of 130 m2 with five bedrooms, not like Bérénice’s house, this bolosse, which was 129 m2 with only four bedrooms and an office…” Well listen, thank you Catherine, that really gives me want to entrust you with the keys to my future.
6. When people play super badly in their car on the way to a visit
“Oulala, a 260 m2 house with a swimming pool? It can be nice, why not…”, “An atypical apartment in the city centre, I can’t wait to see what it will look like…”. BAH ROLL AND STOP TALKING IN THIS FUCK CASE!
7. The crappy screen overlay when agents look at the iPad from their van
No, but make an effort at the end, damn it!
8. Real estate agents who square their asses with the criteria of their clients
That alone presents you with a farm to renovate in the middle of the countryside when customers wanted a recent loft without work in the city center. “No, but if I brought you here, it’s because I really think that this life project can suit you! No one believes Jean-René, not even you.
9. People who have far too specific criteria
“With mamour, we are looking for a T6 in our street or the one in parallel, with a swimming pool on the roof and a slide instead of the stairs for a budget of 200,000€ at the most, 200,0050€ if we love it. No, but you had to say it right away if you didn’t really want to move.
10. People who don’t choose a house for absolutely zero criteria
“So yes, it’s true that the house had all our criteria, but here I am, I find that it lacks a soul, and then this white tapestry there really is not possible for me. Not to mention the creaky staircase. But I’m not worried, even if I have less than a month left before having to leave my accommodation, I’ll find out, I have confidence. “And good luck huh.
11. Realtors who give victory signs all the time
The guy just said he liked the chandelier, calm down with your Jean-René winks actually.
12. People who make purchase offers a thousand times too low
“Yeah the house is at 150,000€, but I think for the market price, it’s a bit too much, so I’m going to make an offer at 14€, I think it can pass and if not, well, it’s destiny. Fate is going to give you a big shovel in the face, that’s all you deserve.
13. Real estate agents who try to make something look good when NOT AT ALL
“You asked me for an apartment five minutes from transport, well listen, this house is 7 minutes from the tram terminus if you take an electric scooter and drive at 80 km/h across the national road. Stack what you wanted! And then for the southern exposure, it doesn’t look like that, but in winter, with the rotation of the Earth, you can see the sun from the living room if you lean out of the balcony between 2:31 p.m. and 2:37 p.m. Yeah, bravo my Catherine, that’s a real champion.
14. When Stéphane Plaza yells “DOUBLE VAAAASQUE” for the tenth time
I know one who will quickly end up with his head in the sink if he doesn’t stop right away.
15. When the agents say “So there, we’ll have to project ourselves”
No, but now that you mention it Bérénice, it’s true that I can see myself taking a little nap on the pile of pebbles in the background over there, on a beautiful summer afternoon. And then at the badly trimmed hedge on the left, I could install a pergola, what do you think?
16. When customers decide not to buy when they fell in love (and they’re in big trouble)
“This house is the most beautiful of all those we have seen in three years of research, it corresponds to everything we want, but here we are, we think it is surely not the right time to move yet, we may need to see a 526th house to be certain of what we really want”. No but just, fuck you actually, that’s all.