Top 16 answers to questions we ask ourselves about babies, these big chouinards

Babies are nice. It just laughs when you talk, it gives you cute hugs, it smokes drugs and it says “I love you” when you pick it up at the police station… It’s a lot of emotional moments as shown the honest and funny infographics about the first months with a baby. But, because there’s always a but, it’s also a lot of worries and fears when you only know shit in nappies and baby bottles. So that you have the basics before even thinking about procreating, here are some answers to the questions we ask ourselves about babies. They aren’t that boring after all.

1. Is the fontanel dangerous if you touch it?

The fontanel are those two soft little spots on a baby’s head, where the bones of his head are not yet joined together. Above all, do not press on it because a little below is the baby’s brain and too strong a shock could cause irreversible damage. However, you can still touch these areas by being delicate to wash or just caress your baby. Just don’t go there frankly.

2. Is it really useful to talk to them with real words and real sentences when they don’t get anything from life?

Even if they look like big incompetents, babies are still intelligent beings who are formed daily. Talking to them will therefore allow them to recognize words and encourage them to produce sounds. If you don’t want them to only know the names of the pinots in your cellar later, don’t hesitate to make sentences with verb and complement subject because the more they hear you speak, the better they will learn the language, the intonations , pronunciation, etc.

3. Why do we think our baby is beautiful when in real life, they all look like old people?

Overall it’s quite simple, it’s because you are his mother / his father and therefore, if your baby has an ounce of cuteness on your face, you will probably find him wonderful (and then you have the right to comfort you as you can after wearing it/waiting for nine months).

But if you find him ugly, don’t panic either, it’s certainly because he is, like all babies who look like old people. He’s all swollen because of the excess amniotic fluid his body contains and he’s a little deformed because he’s spent a lot of time between the pelvis and the vaginal canal, normal that we can’t register him yet. Miss World.

4. Why do they smell so good?

Scientists don’t entirely agree on the origin of this incredible smell: some believe that it comes from amniotic fluid and vernix caseosa, the substance that protects babies’ skin; others think it comes from their sweat glands, a gland under the skin that secretes sweat.

But what is certain is that it is a biological tactic to attract our attention. Indeed, this sweet scent solicits the same neural circuits as the smell of our favorite dishes, which encourages us to stay close to them (which allows them to be able to survive, since they need us) . And frankly, it works seriously, I always want to sniff them like good bread.

5. Can a baby really have “daddy’s nose” and “mommy’s eyes”?

It should not be forgotten that because of the constraints mentioned above which make them ugly, babies all look a little alike at birth. But after a few days or a few weeks, we will indeed be able to note some resemblances with members of the family (when they were babies, huh because if you say that your 2-week-old baby has the same 10 cm nose as his father now, we have to worry). Their features will also continue to evolve over the years.

Studies have shown that during their first year, babies mostly look like their mothers and then little boys start to look like their fathers while girls continue to look like their mothers. So don’t be pissed off if they don’t tell you it’s your look-alike, a little patience.

6. What is infant colic?

Colic in infants is spasms of the intestine that occur after bottle feeding or breastfeeding (nothing to do with TT, babies do not telecommute at this age). They result in crying attacks that appear and disappear suddenly. The origin of these colic is difficult to determine but to relieve them, you can opt for a bidou massage and the use of a hot water bottle, and try various carrying positions that will calm your baby. Come on, don’t worry, it’ll be fine.

7. Why do we want to bite into them, like literally?

You’re far from being psychopaths if you want to bite into a baby’s arm. Wanting to “eat” a baby is referred to by scientists as “cute aggression” and is actually the body’s defense mechanism to keep us from being overwhelmed by emotions. Yes, because when you see a baby that is too cute, you are filled with a surplus of positive emotions, which will be counterbalanced by this desire for violence. Afterwards, don’t go roasting your baby in the oven, it would have nothing to do with it.

8. What is their delirium with lily of the valley when you’ve never been very flowery?

No, we are not talking about a beautiful little bouquet for May 1st, but about candidiasis (or thrush therefore), this infection of the mouth that babies often have. This infection is spotted by white patches in the mouth or on the tongue of babies, and is caused by a fungus. In general, babies are contaminated by putting objects carrying the fungus in their mouths. So you have to go all out on cleaning the teats and anything that he can potentially get stuck in his mouth.

9. Why do they sleep so much when they don’t jerk off?

Babies are lazy, but not only. If they sleep so much, it is because sleep allows their brain to develop thanks to hormones necessary for their growth. During their first month of life, babies can sleep for up to 18 hours. Then, their sleep time will decrease to 2 p.m. until they are one year old. However, babies do not hit long nights all of a sudden: they have a fragmented sleep of 3/4 hours which is all the more difficult to manage since they are based at birth on a 25-hour rhythm and not 24. These babies are still stupid.

10. Can we eat Blédina purees as an adult?

So yes, if you are a fan of small pots, why not have a shot from time to time but it should not be your only meal. Because if the small pots have advantages (low in calories, rich in vitamins, low in salt, sugar and spices, without pesticides and with controlled ingredients), they also have many disadvantages: the mixed texture gives less the impression to be satiated and facilitates nibbling, there is little or no fibre, they are low in protein and they can in the long run create deficiencies for adults. Which seems quite logical after all, since babies do not have the same nutritional needs as adults.

11. Why do human babies not know how to do anything while animal babies are super fast on their own?

We would all like to have a baby who can walk 10 kilometers from birth. Unfortunately nature is badly made, and for the baby’s brain to be as developed, pregnancies would have to be much longer, like 20 months (the nightmare, I won’t tell you). The problem is that after 20 months, the baby’s skull would be much too big to leave the mother’s body and the delivery would be extremely dangerous (we don’t even dare to imagine).

Evolution has therefore caused human mothers to deliver their babies “prematurely” after nine months of pregnancy, when the baby has reached optimal development. They thus finish their growth in an “ex utero” pregnancy, which explains why they are so little autonomous at birth.

12. Wouldn’t we give a damn about their height and weight?

Except if your baby was born premature or if he is really very very big at birth (like 5kg, no, but the package), yes, everyone cares. Nobody knows what the average is, so you can even cross it off on the birth announcement. You can even stop sending birth announcements from elsewhere.

13. At what age do we stop calling them babies?

From one year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. From the 366th (367th in a leap year), we can yell at him saying “you’re not a baby anymore”, it’s authorized and strongly recommended.

14. Why are they chubby?

If your baby looks like the miniature Michelin man, that’s normal. That’s because he’s got fat in his little rolls that he uses to grow his brain (smart guys, I wish my body worked the same way). Fatty acids are indeed necessary for the proper growth of the baby, so we do not put him on a diet after three weeks because he has a knee roll.

15. Do babies understand each other?

They can understand their emotions (and therefore follow each other when one of them is crying, and yes, you see misery coming). But they have no communicative intention. So they can communicate with each other through looks, gestures, smiles, but it won’t be intentional. However, babies prefer to interact with other babies because they produce sounds that they can reproduce themselves, unlike the words of adults. So if two children babble among themselves, it’s not because they’re in the middle of a discussion about their financial capital but because they’re too lazy to listen to you.

16. Why can eye color change?

The color of babies’ eyes can change up to a year or even later after birth because of melanocytes, the cells that give color to pigments. Although some melanocytes take several years to give their final result, you can usually see the final color of your baby’s eyes around 6 months. And be disappointed if they are brown at the same time.

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