“This evening is the big night” sang the troupe of Mozart Opera Rock and mashed potatoes, they were right, tonight is a night of madness that awaits us. Because tonight will take place the ultimate confrontation between the two winning candidates of the first round of the 2022 presidential election, I have named Emmanuel Macron, known as Le Poids-lourd and Marine Le Pen, aka La Croqueuse. I hope you are ready to see beautiful clashes, blood and above all not very interesting things. Finally, look anyway in case one of these plot-twist comes to pass.
1. Brigitte Macron is going to disembark and she and Marine Le Pen are going to fish
The two stooges will leave the set arm in arm and abandon politics. Emmanuel Macron, too stunned, will resign and let Léa Salamé choose who she wants as future president.
2. An Ipso analyst will come running on the set to say that after the recount of the votes, it is Mélenchon who goes to the second round with Macron
The rebellious candidate, preceded by Adrien Quattenens and his new implanted beard, will make a sensational entry into the studio and push Marine Le Pen from her chair to take her place and bend the debate into two punchlines.
3. Gilles Bouleau and Léa Salamé will announce that they are withdrawing from the debate to make way for Anne-Sophie Lapix who deserves it more
Macron and Le Pen will be on the brink of discomfort and will stutter asking for some water, while the journalist will chain nuclear missiles to finish off the candidates. Following this, neither of them will make a public appearance for a week, needing to rest.
4. All French TV servers will crash and stream Camping 2
Surprisingly, some people will realize, when talking with their colleagues, that they did not notice the difference.
5. The Marseillais will come out of the wings to intensify the clashes and Marine Le Pen will take out photos of Macron as a teenager to display him
To which Macron, hyper annoyed, will respond “But you’re a tournedos, I don’t even give you the time, you’re really a merguez”.
6. Macron and Le Pen will redo exactly the same debate as in 2017, then say after 1 hour “It was a praaaank”, very proud of their joke
McFly & Carlito were also in on it from the start.
7. Gilles Bouleau will swing his shirt, revealing a “Poutou president” t-shirt and clash them badly
He will have been briefed by Élise Lucet a few minutes before entering the set who, frustrated at not having been invited, will have spent her day harassing the communication teams of the candidates by telephone.
8. Drunk by the debate, Emmanuel Macron and Marine Le Pen will end it with arm wrestling and open bets
Many people will believe in the abilities of Marine Le Pen who has a long arm, but it is nevertheless Macron who will win thanks to his muscular arms by the pena baiona that he practiced a lot with his school friends from trade.
9. The two candidates are going to announce that they are stepping down because it’s all too much pressure and they also need to take time for themselves
Jean Castex will thus become interim president and will decide to appoint François Hollande in his place because in reality, he was funny and not so bad.
10. Emmanuel Macron and Le Pen will both remove their masks, revealing their true identities
Laurent Wauquiez and Rachida Dati were actually fooling us from the start.
11. A technician will crash and launch a film of balls on the green screens of the studio
The audience record for a presidential debate will be beaten in the first ten minutes.
12. Marine Le Pen will announce that she finally prefers to be on the left and that from now on, everyone can wear the veil when they want
Emmanuel Macron, surprised at this turnaround, will decide that in this case, he is now on the far left and will propose to triple the ISF while asking Nathalie Arthaud to be his prime minister.
13. Emmanuel Macron will arrive late because he had run out of battery on his electric scooter
Fortunately for him, Marine Le Pen will also have been retained by Valérie Pécresse who begged her to give him some money by following her in the street.
14. Booba will do a showcase on tolerance to lighten the atmosphere during intermission
Moved by such a beautiful message of love and benevolence, the two candidates will embrace and go out hand in hand to pursue a policy geared towards humanism.
15. A meteorite will crash into the board
Most plausible hypothesis knowing the causes of global warming that currently weigh on us.