Top 15 truths to know about pregnancy, before taking action

Welcome to nine months of madness in a body trolled daily by your hormones! You already know overall that it’s not going to be easy every day but we found you a little too focused on your fear of stretch marks and childbirth, we would like you to realize that being pregnant is much more than that. After the truths to know about childbirth, it’s time to make you aware of the truths to know about pregnancy.

1. You won’t be at the top of your sex appeal (really)

We don’t talk about stretch marks and weight gain, nah that who cares, we expected that. We would just like to remind you that hormones rule the roost in your home, your hair will grow faster, you will sweat a lot, get pimples on your face and have serious gas problems. There.

2. Morning sickness isn’t just morning sickness at all

A big mess happened when naming the special pregnancy gerboulade. Really, it can happen anytime, as long as you have a little empty stomach or your colleague is eating a kebab. And we cross our fingers very strongly that this is not your case, but it can last until the end.

3. The embryo captures nothing before at least 24 weeks

His brain is completely switched off, the guy is in the space of total absence of consciousness. No need to lovingly caress your belly every two seconds telling him that you love him very much or to make him listen to Mozart. In your place we would take the opportunity to poke around as long as we are sure that it does not traumatize him.

4. Having an overdeveloped sense of smell is painful

Life will become a fucking obstacle course where you will try to escape at all costs (and without success) from the smells of cigarettes, food and perfume or risk giving up your lunch on your shoes.

5. You can eat nothing (or very very cooked and very very organic)

Everything that is theoretically not tip top for our health in normal times (but who cares) becomes strictly forbidden once pregnant, because “you never know and if your kid has asthma and hormonal disturbances, will you ever be able to forgive yourself? Eh ? ยป

6. Your tastes can change completely

We’re talking about a sweet and salty taste here, we’re not saying that you’re going to start wearing Desigual and repaint your house purple. But there’s a way for croissants or chocolate to become your kryptonite and for you to develop a weird passion for pickled pickles.

7. Your brain will quit a bit

The hormones have put him in a panic and he’s going to overheat on the right side, that of the emotions, to basically stay in focus baby baby until the end of the pregnancy. Suddenly the rest of your life goes to the thousandth level of its priorities, which will make you more dizzy, clumsy, and unable to concentrate for more than five seconds (but finish reading this top anyway, it’s important).

8. You’re going to have crazy dreams

You can choose either borderline premonitory dreams about the sex of the baby (it works for 70% of cases anyway) or crazy erotic delusions that generally don’t include your current partner.

9. You will become unbelievable

At the same time there is a prescription, the hormones have taken over your person and you are over-tired so we don’t judge you too much, really. But still try to take it easy with the super chonchon syndrome with crying or untimely aggression because otherwise you’re not sure you’ll hold on until the end.

10. Your nipples will change color.

Well, your boobs overall are going to change quite a bit, eh, we’re not hiding anything from you, but the ultimate evolution lies in the nipple, which will become wider and darker. Crazy, huh?

11. Your feet will grow

Yeah, to prepare you to give birth properly, everything you have in the bones, tendons and ligaments register will seriously relax, which will result in particular in a non-reversible size adjustment at the level of the feet.

12. Your kid is going to pee IN your uterus

Yeah we know, it sucks. But he drinks everything afterwards so that’s fine. And still in the vein of level zero respect, his little kicks will sometimes really hurt, the idiot.

13. Hello Milky Ways

Your boobs don’t wait until you have the kid in hand, and made the decision to breastfeed, to get to work and soak your t-shirts in a completely impromptu and embarrassing way. Try to avoid other people’s kids, it seems that their whining favors the rise of the brothel.

14. The approach of the birth will make you completely manic.

You will be in the process of nesting as they say, kind of really like the little birds but on the scale of the house with forceful reorganization of the fridge and mad ironing of his little pajamas which you will classify by color and material.

15. You’re not going to sleep anymore. At all.

Because a huge belly isn’t just bad for sleeping on your stomach. It also weighs on your own body when you’re on your back, especially on your poor bladder, keeps you too hot, and kicks you without warning. Very practical before giving life to a thing that will wake you up every night for six months, good timing.

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