Hello dsylxelicos, if you clicked on this top it is because you are certainly suffering, like me, from a terrible laterality disorder which prevents you from distinguishing your right from your left. And if for many it’s a charming slight handicap at most, in fact it’s downright suckers when you want to do everyday things like get your driver’s license or do open heart surgery.
First of all, I reassure you, contrary to what you think, you have not completely remained. The cognitive process that allows us to recognize our right and our left is ultra complex and moreover we do not really know how our brain achieves it naturally. In principle, this happens gradually with our ability to spatially represent objects (including our body) around 7/8 years. We call this capability visuospatial processing and it’s this stuff that’s all messed up with us. Fortunately, there are tips to counter this concern for laterality.
1. Already basic: know if you are right-handed or left-handed
Normally, most people have a dominant hand, which they write, eat, or masturbate with. So once you know it’s your right hand or your left hand, that should help you find your way. You can formulate in your head for each gesture you make with which hand you do it, for example: “I comb my hair with my right hand”, “I put my fingers in the grip with my left hand”. OK you will look a little stupid, even a little dead but by dint of repeating it to you it should end up printing.
If in addition to not knowing your right from your left you are ambidextrous and you use your right hand as much as your left hand for anything and everything, this trick doesn’t really work anymore. And besides, you start to break them a little bit.
2. Draw corresponding letters with hands
You may be dyslexic but you still know the letters of the alphabet such as the letters “G” and “D” with which the words “left” and “right” begin, unbelievable right? Well know that nature is well done because with the thumbs and forefingers of our little mimines we can precisely form the letters “G” for the left hand (by bending your thumb, that’s good, don’t play the game ), and “D” for the right hand (yes, good, without the bar but hey you get the concept what).
ADDITIONAL TIP: if you speak excellent English and therefore know that “gauche” means “left”, you will notice that your “left hand” clearly forms an “L” with your thumb and forefinger. Be careful, this will not be of any use to you if you do not speak English and those around you persist in using the word “gauche” rather than “left”.
3. Identify with which hand you shake hands with others
A trick that can of course no longer work after the Covid-19 since we no longer serve anyone’s hand without soaking it for 24 hours in bleach afterwards. But OK. In case you like to live in danger, I indicate this possibility to you.
4. Associate your visualization with a clock indicating 3 o’clock (on the right)
Report to the fact that “three” and “right” look a bit alike. Well, if you can’t tell the time either, that shouldn’t help you much.
5. Visualize the meaning of writing in French
A priori, even without knowing your right to your left, you can read (otherwise this top must be really incomprehensible to you) and I don’t know if you noticed but in French (and in a lot of other languages too) we always write from left to right. So that should help you read the world left to right. Except when you don’t know your left from your right.
Yeah, well, we didn’t say that all of our tips were great either, eh. Make an effort too.
6. Use a clearly identifiable part of your body on the right or on the left
For example a mole on the hand, a tattoo on the arm. If you are totally missing one of your two arms, this distinction can be all the more facilitated. Be careful, however, not to cut your arm just to apply this trick.
7. Wear a bracelet, a watch, or a ring always on the same hand
No matter which hand you choose, this hand will now be THE hand representing the right or the left. If you like to wear bracelets on both wrists and rings on your toes, your case is definitely hopeless and there is nothing we can do for you except let yourself be abandoned.
8. Find a personality whose initials are the same as “Left / Right”
For example Gérard Depardieu (for fans of coronary bypass surgery), Gérarld Darmanin (for fans of the right and
rape rape charges), Georges Dandin (for fans of Molière), Gilles Deleuze (for fans of metaphysics of philosophy), or GreenDay (for fans of shitty music). This tip has the merit of giving an indication of the left / right reading direction. On the other hand, to apply it personally it still requires 3 or 4 seconds of mentalization so if on the highway we shout at you “watch out to the left” and you have to mumble three times “Gérard Depardieu”, you have time to die and take 17 people with you to your grave.
Be careful, if you are a customer of the Dolce Gabana brand, immediately change your favorite brand to avoid any possible disruption and opt for the Big Deal brand instead. OK it doesn’t exist but don’t dismiss it though, it will help you know your right from your left and I don’t know many fictitious companies capable of such a feat.
9. Locate which side your heart beats (spoiler: left)
To be honest, this technique: it does not work. And since we are there and we are starting to forge links that allow me to reveal a part of my intimacy to you, know that my mother imposed this technique on me when I was a child. The problem is that it is very disabling to touch your breasts to spot under which a heart beats weakly each time we are told to turn left or right. In addition, I lived many fears by having the impression of not having a heartbeat neither on the right nor on the left. Then we meet in the emergency room, heart transplant and all the hell. Frankly it’s not a life.
10. Tattoo yourself “Left” and “Right” on your hands
Or on the legs like Marion Cotillard in De rouille et d’os (a very beautiful film on dyslexia).
11. Like anyway, you screw up all the time, say the opposite of what you think
If you were going to say right, you say left, and vice versa. It’s a bit risky but at least you have a 50/50 chance of getting good.
12. Tell you that your left hand is simply the one where you have the thumb on the right
Personally, I had a stroke trying to figure it out.
13. If you know “Port” and “Starboard” better, you can refer to the second letters of these two words which are the same as “left” and “right”
It’s a little far fetched but combined with all the other tips previously mentioned, it shouldn’t take you more than three quarters of an hour to answer when someone asks you where your right is.
14. Write “left” and “right” on the squares of your eyeglasses
Of course you will see less well but after a while it should end up entering your little sparrow head.
15. Visualize the French political spectrum and its distribution since the beginning of the National Assembly to the right and to the left
Or if not, at worst, visualize good porn, without right or left and learn to live with this handicap.