Getting old sucks. No matter how much you want to remain a student and financially dependent on your parents until your death, you have to enter working life at one time or another. There are things you have to stop doing after 30, we all know that, but there are also things you can’t decently do when you’re no longer a student. You have to start cooking something other than pasta, do the dishes more than once a week and try to stay sober for more than 48 hours in a row. It’s a page that turns and you have to leave the past behind without looking back.
1. Decorate your apartment with items stolen from the street
Your apartment, like that of your friends, has long been decorated with objects recovered (or stolen) from the street. There were posters stolen from bus shelters, a traffic cone and stop sign, a Chinese catering maneki-neko (the cat that moves its paw there) and even a supermarket shopping cart. Now you’re an adult and you had to leave behind all those slightly regressive adornments. (Also works for empty vodka bottles and posters hung with tape)
2. Follow up on your day when you come home from the evening
Who has never gone to class directly after a party that ended at 7 a.m.? Or even slept for an hour and a half and then dozed off on the auditorium table? You weren’t going to refuse this evening on Thursday when you only have 3 hours of lessons on Friday… Since you started working, you don’t do that anymore. Already because you really have to work and not drool over your notes and especially because you don’t really want to. It’s probably better that way.
3. Eat fast food every day
Even when your fridge and your cupboards are full (and we know that’s not often the case when you’re a student), you’re still too lazy to cook yourself. So you eat burgers, greeks and bo buns until you run out of money to pay your rent. And then afterwards, you grow up. You have your first salary and you start buying seasonal vegetables to make 5L of soup and freeze some for later.
4. Have beers in the fridge crisper
“Why are there vegetables in the beer bin ptdrrrrr”. No, you can’t say that anymore because you’re no longer in business school or L1 modern literature. Now you are an adult. You compare mutuals, you go to flea markets and you go on weekends “in the countryside”. In your fridge, you have a pack of 6 beers and not 30 cans that take up the whole vegetable drawer like when you were young. Make up your mind.
5. Join the party
Going to parties when you’re a student just means you don’t have a place to party and you want to meet nice people. Getting stuck in the evening when you’re almost 30 years old and you’re working the next day, it’s just sad.
6. Trying to convince people you’re sober
“Hey, I’m not drunk! “. At 20, it’s touching. You’re young, you’re at a student party and you’re enjoying life. When you’re no longer a student, it’s sadder. You drink to forget your shitty job and your miserable salary and you don’t hold alcohol as well as you did when you started. In addition, the day after the evening is difficult and you regret bitterly.
7. Eat at the table so as not to do the dishes
Eating directly from the pizza box, drinking fruit juice from the bottle or eating only with Asian caterer’s chopsticks, these are typically student things. Once in working life, you definitely have to get rid of these bad habits. You also need to buy tubes of sauces instead of keeping those from McDo in the door of your fridge.
8. Squatting with friends at the end of the evening
Sleeping with people, like having friends sleep over with you, is normal when you’re a teenager or a student. You party late into the night, you don’t have money to get the cab home, you’ve had too much to drink to get in the car, and you don’t mind sleeping on a beer-damp couch. This habit is no longer acceptable when you are no longer a student. As an adult, you spend your money in bars or restaurants instead of drinking lukewarm cans in the parks and you have evenings without strong alcohol to go back to sleep quietly in your own cozy bed. In truth, it’s not so bad to go home.
9. Play caps
The caps is the zero game of students who have nothing else to do in the evening. It’s funny thirty seconds but it’s not worth a discussion between friends with a good glass of red. I’m not saying that students are the only ones drinking beer, far be it from me. But as an adult, you throw away the capsule after opening the bottle, that’s all.
10. Keep your festival bracelets all year round
“Wow so stylish, did you go to 5 festivals this summer? You’re so cool dude! This phrase has never been uttered by anyone on this planet. We don’t really know where this social obligation comes from, but an unspoken rule obliges high school and university students to keep their festival bracelets, integration weekends and even sometimes BDE evenings. Once in the world of work, it becomes ridiculous (in addition to being very unhygienic).
11. Drink Monbazillac
Monbazillac is the drink of the hard-pressed student who doesn’t like wine but buys it because it’s the cheapest alcohol in the supermarket. The Monbazillac we are talking about is a sweet wine at 3€ which attracts with its price and its pretty label. When you finally have a salary and a palate worthy of the name, the Monbazillac disappears from the table because you can finally afford to put 8 or 10€ in a bottle of wine.
12. Wait for the first metro/bus/carriage
When you’re a real adult and you work, you leave with the last subways: not with the first ones. Waiting for the first metro or bus means being condemned to wait on a couch until 6am. So sure you can have fun all night long but we all know that never happens. There’s always a moment when you’re fed up, when you dream of going home but no, you force yourself to stay in the mood for the evening. When you’re no longer a student, you just drop out.
13. Put his summer job on his CV
Being a student means eating pasta and drinking beer for breakfast, but above all it means having a blank CV. So to fill it out, you write the name of your high school with your high school diploma, your afternoons mowing your neighbors’ lawn and your summer job picking apples in the orchards. Once you have your first job, these lines should be removed from your CV, a matter of dignity.
14. Wearing his school sweatshirt
Your second-class trade school sweatshirt was one of your favorite outfits when you were a student. Once in the world of work, it becomes your pajamas and it is out of the question to go out in the street wearing it. Why ? Because it’s ridiculous.
15. Sleep with students
It’s getting really limited.