If you are reading these lines, it is likely that two people have procreated (or tried) to give you life. But during that time, other people were having sex with no aim of conceiving, just to enjoy themselves. You still have to find the right person! Here is the (totally official) list of stars with whom you should have a good time, because you never know, if one day you are invited to the Cannes festival and you can try your luck, at least you will be ready . We promise, none of the stinky feet stars have made it to this list, no red-flags to worry about.
1. Adam Driver
I won’t make any jokes about Adam Driver and his lightsaber, I’ll just say that you just have to look at his face to see that his sexual abilities are clearly more developed than that of the rest of the population. To meditate.
2. Katy Perry
Katy could ask us for a two-minute missionary that we would say yes without hesitation so we are sure to spend the most wonderful two minutes of our lives. It’s when she wants.
3. Natalie Portman
As Topito’s colleagues would say, whom I won’t name because they prefer to be thought of as virgins, “nice in life, naughty in bed”. And that most certainly applies to Natalie. Hurt us Nat’.
4. Elise Lucet
Our favorite journalist and clasheuse certainly has a lot of hatred to express and what better than a good part of legs in the air for that. Watch out for your ass if Élise puts you in her bed.
5. Jason Momoa
Jason makes love to you like no other, then brings you breakfast in bed and massages your feet. Obligatory.
6. Simone Ashley
Frankly, given the sexual tension she puts in The Bridgerton Chronicle every time she appears with Jonathan Bailey, there’s no way she’ll suck at the stake. As there was no chance that Anne Hidalgo would make 5% in the first round. That’s how it is, there are rules that can’t be explained.
7. Edouard Philippe
If you tell me he’s not the politician you most want to do it with, frankly I’ll set the Elysée on fire. I would move to Le Havre to have a chance to share his duvet, that is to say.
8. Michael Fassbender
Why ? Because we ken him. That’s all, I have no other justifications.
9. Geraldine Nakache
Géraldine makes you laugh to forget if you finish too quickly or if you frout. Géraldine lights you little candles to relax. Geraldine always asks for your consent. Géraldine gives you a little kiss on the forehead at the end. Geraldine, marry us.
He can tell his buddies that he’s fucking you, but in real life, he provides you with washed linen sheets and a very soft towel for when you’re on your period. They don’t do it to us.
11. Virginie Efira
Compulsory passage through a series of shots before embarking on sex with Virgnie Efira because it takes a lot of self-confidence to hope to be up to this woman. We go there with a lot of stress, but we go anyway.
12. Matthew Chedid
You don’t even need to write us a song for us to want to copulate with him. In addition, there is a way that he invites Vanessa Paradis to participate, so frankly, it’s a yes for us.
13. Idris Elba
A man with such charisma who supports #MeToo and is committed to minorities is bound to have amazing tricks in bed. We want to see that.
14. Helena Bonham Carter
With Helena, expect to do all your firsts, because she’s sure to make you try things you’ve probably never heard of. Within reason, of course, it’s still a good shot. But let’s say you have to be prepared.
15. Marlene Schiappa
By dint of writing sex books several times a year, Marlene has certainly had time to acquire and practice skills that us Muggles do not have.
In any case, if someone is needed to fetch evidence, I am available, end I mean, I have nothing planned at the moment so I can devote myself to the cause.