Top 15 sports that are clearly on the left

Are you huge lefties and your child wants to start a new sport at the start of the next school year? Or do you yourself finally want to take control of your life by starting a new activity? Beware if you want to continue to be respected as a true left-handed person, banish these right-handed sports like horse riding or tennis (retro vade) from your possibilities.

A short guide to sports that are objectively left-wing (proven by science).

1. The slackline

Already you surely don’t know what it is, because it’s not a known sport and it’s not a sport that will make you rich: clearly leftist markers.

Besides that, it’s a very simple sport (at least in appearance) you just need a rope and a very stupid person who is not afraid of death. Yes, because slacklining is a balancing sport that consists of putting a rope at the ends of something (tree, roof of a building, cliff, Grand Canyon, etc.) and going from one end to the other. In short, there’s only big babies to do that.

2. Basketball

Like football, basketball is a sport that has made its main development in the most popular neighborhoods of the United States. At the same time it doesn’t take much to play and land is accessible everywhere, not like skiing for example where you have to spend 3 SMIC just for 3 days of sliding or you always end up blowing up your face.

In short, go ahead, go for it, if you want to play basketball and you’re a lefty, we won’t blame you.

3. Yoga

Work on your breathing and reconnect with yourself to forget that you have to pay your rent at the end of the month, really a boho thing after all. Yoga has more than its place in this top, it even deserves to be in the top three (that’s why we put it in 3). Besides, you’re going to fill me up with yoga accessories.

4. The bike

So laaaaaa, we can’t limit doing more sore (so left) than cycling: it’s 4am and you come home from the evening drunk? All your friends logically offer you to take an Uber and you answer “no, I actually have my bike”. Another example: on Sunday morning, when all your friends on the right (because yes you have some) are going to have a Parisian brunch at 40€, well you are not available because you are taking a bike ride with your shepherd German. You have understood, there are plenty of examples, cycling is definitely more than a sport, it’s a way of life.

5. Boxing

Do you really think that a right-wing guy who wants to break into finance is going to risk his beautiful face full of UV and whitened teeth, in a boxing match? Well no. As in all sports, the people who gravitate around great boxers are often right-handed, but the boxers, those who take huge potatoes in the face, are very often people from the poorest neighborhoods. I promise you it is indeed a sport of the left, you really have to resent life to agree to become rich and famous by getting your ass kicked (and people on the left often resent life).

6. Bodybuilding, and more specifically street workout

You might think that bodybuilding is a sport for superficial people who just want to have a beautiful summer body, and it’s not totally wrong. But when you see that the subscription to the cheapest gyms costs 10 bucks a month and that there are even plenty of street workout facilities, you can’t help but think that bodybuilding still has a beautiful soul. of work.

In addition it will make you gain street cred’ and unless I’m mistaken, you don’t need it when you live in Versailles or in Vésinet.

7. Rugby

A slightly more divergent sport, so if you want to be considered a left-wing guy/girl choose the circus instead, it’s safer.

Rugby is a sport that breathes the southwest, sweat, snot and spit. The people who practice it and who watch it are often men/women who turn only to good binouze and do not know much other than the bar. But others will say that rugby is also a somewhat “backward” big macho sport, not very woke. It all depends on which category you fall into, but a priori you will be able to practice/watch this sport while respecting yourself as a leftist.

Photo credits (CC BY 2.0): https://www.flickr.com/photos/awv/Rob Gale

8. Football

Football is the sport of the poor and working-class neighborhoods par excellence and as we know that people on the left are by definition poor or at least have sympathy for the poor, we could stop the explanation here.

But we are going to develop a little more, football is a collective sport where you share the effort and the emotions with your teammates, and that sharing is also a lefty thing. Well I want to recognize that for a few years there has been so much money in football that we doubt more and more the left-handedness of this sport, especially when we see that Sarko is a fervent supporter of PSG. Pfft he ruined that one.

9. Petanque

Beautiful product from the south east, one might at first think that this sport is practiced by old right guys breastfed with pastis (and there is a bit of truth). But it is a sport that is more and more conquered by sores, especially Parisian sores who play pétanque at the Buttes Chaumont. Petanque is a sport of conviviality, sharing and inexpensive aperitif, so a bit of a pro thing too finally.

10. Climbing

Like slacklining, climbing is clearly a sport practiced by people who are not afraid of dying, probably because they don’t have life insurance. In addition to that, learning to climb walls is a very good technique to escape the police. We strongly recommend.

11. Athletics

A sport where you just have to run fast or jump high. No real need for equipment, limit no need for infrastructure: level simplicity we are still not bad. Besides if you break into athletics, unless you are Usain Bolt, you are almost certain to remain poor and unknown (quote me an athlete world champion in high jump? yes that’s what I thought ), not something that will interest people on the right.

12. Darts

Sport bar excellence of bar coopers, to play darts correctly you need to have a small belly, speak loudly, spill a little beer when you drink it, and have voted Roussel in the first round of the elections. There you go, you know everything.

13. The Circus

The circus is a “sport” but also a troubadour art. At the end of 15 years of practice you will become intermittent of the show or you will animate the birthdays of the small bourges of right. A bright future after all, but at least a sport that respects itself as a sport of babies.

Picture credits: jeangagnon

14. Capoeira

If you practice capoeira, it is because you practice, I quote: “an Afro-Brazilian martial art which would have its roots in the combat techniques of the African peoples of the time of slavery in Brazil”. I don’t really need to say more to understand that it’s a sport for lefties who seek to discover “distant cultures” and to “open their minds” to “get out of their daily life as Parisian executives in fact “.

15. Hiking

Long walks in the mountains to reconnect with nature and remember what a cow is. It is essential afterwards to at least pretend to defend the rights of small producers. Clearly start getting into it if you want to be a real leftist, otherwise it’s screwed.

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