In superhero movies, we always see the heroes having amazing skills, like having 1m nails and managing not to break them, being friends with spiders or turning into green guys with lots of muscles. But what we don’t talk about enough, what we should be pointing our finger at, are our shadow heroes, those about whom we don’t make films but who have a very specific skill, and for which people prefer find them “shady” than stylish. Today, we are going to put the dots on the I’s and we are going to make them understand that they too are heroes.
1. Notice the cameras
You just remark “Oh, there are cameras here and there” and that’s it, everyone takes you for Arsène Lupin, a professional burglar who knows how to thwart all the traps. Yes but no, I’m the kid in the Lupin series, or the car at the limit, but I’m not Arsène Lupin. I just notice the things that populate my environment.
2. Invent stories very quickly
Either you pass for Father Beaver and it’s not phew, or you pass for a mythomaniac of first and people start to question your word even when you tell them simply that you are 24 years old and that you were born. e in Burgundy, what. Whatever happens is not to be revealed.
3. Walk slowly
Because suddenly people don’t expect to see you disembark, and panic, and say “Ahhh but you’re sick of disembarking so slowly, it’s scary”. Next time I show up with explosives, we’ll see if it’s less scary, you cowards.
4. Remembering small details about people’s lives
I had so many worries when I talked to guys at my college and said to them, “ah, but yes, you love natural yoghurts, don’t you? You told me 7 years ago!!! that now I kind of don’t remember anything about people so they stop calling me ‘the weirdo’. Okay, maybe it’s related to the fact that I hid under the bed of a guy in my class in 5th grade to see what color of boxer shorts he was also wearing, but still, that doesn’t explain.
5. Remembering someone else’s schedule
Once again, people don’t like it when I tell them “Yesterday at 1:57 a.m. precisely, you snored badly and you even said ‘Mom'”, instead of telling me “Too cute bb, you remember of my schedule!!! » they prefer to say « Who are you madam, I will contact the competent authorities! », it’s CHIANTTTT wesh, the guys don’t know what to laugh about.
6. Clean up spills
Oh, do you have blood on you? Don’t worry, I know PERFECTLY how to make the blood go away, just take some baking soda, I’ll take care of it, I do it very well.
7. Quickly count bills
Me give me 24.OOO€ in small denominations, I swear to you that I count them very quickly. But I ran away very quickly too.
8. Don’t be bothered by blood and guts
There sorry but I dissociate myself, I am not part of the team, it disgusts me a little all the same, but hey, let’s respect those who don’t mind seeing organs, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they play Dexter at them every night.
9. Get kids to trust you within seconds of meeting you
If it’s just because you’re nice, it’s okay. If it’s because you give them candy the second you meet them, it’s NO.
10. Being able to recognize drugs
Afterwards, there’s a difference between recognizing dolipranes and recognizing small MDMA capsules, huh. But we are still waiting for you.
11. Put private browsing on your phone
….No, sorry, I can’t defend you, I agree with the others: it’s very suspicious.
12. Being lonely
One of the scourges of society is this solitary-shaming (without wanting to get me in trouble because I use the word “shaming”) which makes people who go to restaurants, to the movies seem strange. or go shopping alone. But leave them alone, I swear you enjoy the moment much more when you don’t have Mireille complaining about her life next to you than when you’re alone.
13. Be very calm in any situation
Ok, but if my house catches fire and you stay calm, I won’t hide from you that I risk inviting you back too much anyway, it’s still a bit dodgy.
14. Recognize sounds
“AH, I recognize that noise well, it’s Madame Martin passing the vacuum just above my house”. This indicates two things:
1. You have very good hearing
2. You have very poor insulation.
15. Know how to pick locks
You call me because you locked yourself out of your house, give me a coat hanger and I’ll open your door for you in two seconds. (This is false, but those who know how to do it, you are real heroes).