“Life is not much too fastoche” said Aristotle. And he was right, the little father. So yes, sometimes we are lucky, we can count on the boring but useful things in humans or the childish tips useful on a daily basis to help us. Yet sometimes, it seems that we want to complicate our task even more in “Nah, but it would be too easy if my whole life was cool” mode. That’s how we came to stop using these overly convenient items just because someone decided they were a shame.
1. Shoe velcro to stop breaking your ass tying pretty knots
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I would like to know at what time we said to ourselves that abandoning too practical scratches in favor of small threads that get tangled and that no one can put together to make pretty knots was a good idea. Well, I don’t know, explain to me why you like wasting time like that on the pretext that scratches are for children. It might be time to realize that the truth actually comes out of their shoes.
2. Bibs to stop having bolo stains on your white shirt for the rest of your life
If only for people who do not eat their breakfast in pajamas, it would be necessary to rehabilitate the bib for all, in restaurants and in family meals in particular. For everyone’s honor please.
3. Neck warmers that keep you from catching ten colds in a row
So yes, it’s ugly, yes you look like a boomer. But we’re going to have to reinstate that quickly if we want to stop believing that we have the Covid every other week every winter, all because we didn’t protect our little throats. Full ass to drink 8L of syrup from October to May.
4. Bike helmets that help you stop slamming dumb
From the age of 12, we abandoned bicycle helmets for an obvious question of style. Yet today, when we ride on the hard shoulder of the ring road with our unbridled electric bike at 80km/h, we say to ourselves that in fact, compared to death, it’s not so ugly a helmet.
5. Sock suspenders to stop losing them in your boots
I don’t think there’s anything more annoying on Earth than a sock that slips under your panard to prevent you from walking. Render the sock suspenders. Now.
6. Roller shoes to go everywhere much faster
I don’t care if these shoes are for kids, I’m going to set up my manufacturing company for these pumps, which will be called “Au bout de la roulette” and they will be available up to size 56. Towards infinity and beyond !
7. Undershirts to keep warm in winter
Your grandmother will certainly be able to give you hers and she would be right because you will be the only person who does not have flaky nipples in winter. And that’s worth all the worst styles in the world.
8. Night caps that make your hair look great when you wake up
Have you ever wondered why rich people have beautiful hair? Well I’ll tell you, it’s because they wear silk caps at night. Afterwards, we don’t say that they have the libido of the century when they go to bed. But you have to make choices in life and frankly, it’s not the soft hair option that should be skipped.
9. Onesies, the best pajamas
Remember when we fell asleep in onesies and our parents carried us to our bed and pretended to be asleep. Isn’t this the best time in life? Onesies are therefore naturally part of the baby stuff that is useful even for adults.
10. Clamshell phone cases that save your screen
We know, you most certainly don’t want to look like a 50 year old watching TPMP while drinking chicory, but believe us, your cracked screen every three months will thank you, it will even say thank you a lot if he is very polite.
11. Glasses cords so you don’t have to sit on them and break them
You already have the great luck of being short-sighted with 2/10 in each eye, but if you add more and give yourself the opportunity to lose your only means of seeing, nothing more can be done for you.
12. Fleeces that keep you warm
We’re a little lucky, vintage fleeces are starting to come back into fashion thanks to people who find that it gives them a stylish look. Unfortunately, I think we can give up on the Decathlon fleeces we wore in college and that’s a shame because they are the most charismatic of the range.
13. Balaclavas to keep your cheeks warm
Supposedly because we look like tobacconist robbers with it, we should refrain from wearing these little marvels that keep us warm in the face. No, actually, let me sweat my mustache even in winter if I feel like it.
14. Tights and other fleece leggings that keep your legs safe
It’s totally a friend who asked me to defend these textiles, ok?? Nothing to do with me if I advocate the comfort and warmth provided by these clothes even if they make our look questionable.
15. The cords for the gloves
Don’t worry, you look less stupid with your gloves coming out of your sleeves thanks to those little cords than with just one glove because you lost the other one under a bus wheel. Besides, you’re still alive because of them so you should be grateful.