I’m not neurotic, okay? It’s just that there are things that annoy me, sentences that annoy me, people who annoy me, and besides, you annoy me too. But I’m going to make an effort, because it’s my job. If my life is hell, it’s because I suffer from many daily phobias that you may also be suffering from.
1. The phobia of people who take the same thing as you at the restaurant, the “memelignedumenuphobia”
AAAAAAHHHH! But order yourself a personality instead! It’s my dish!
2. The phobia of people who play with a nation against a city in fifa, the “messi against messiphobia”
Or even worse, a match between the same team twice. DO YOU HAVE THE IMPRESSION OF CREATING A RIFT IN SPACE-TIME WHICH WILL ENGAGE US ALL?
3. The phobia of people who mix ice cream and sorbet, “chocolate lemonphobia”
But of course, let’s do anything! What is the next step ? Pasta and rice at the same time?
4. The phobia of people putting their laces in their shoes, “scratchohobia”
So if I follow you guys correctly, you shit on the centuries-old work of the engineers who created and perfected the shoelace? That’s not a problem for you?
5. The phobia of milk before cereals, “chocapicsecphobia”
No, of course, it doesn’t matter to have cereals that float instead of being perfectly impregnated with milk. And I imagine that it doesn’t matter either for bakeries that don’t make round prices, and suddenly we have lots of small items, right?
6. The phobia of people who do not assume their baldness and who pull back 3 hairs to hide their skull, the “concrete fixation”
Shave everything, do implants, but don’t stay like that. I’m going to do something stupid, I warn you.
7. The phobia of people giving you a limp hand, “stephenhawkingphobia”
You’ll see if it’s going to be soft the one I’m going to put in your mouth.
8. The phobia of people who say hello when you should say good evening, “jetlagphobia”
Unbelievable. We are in 2017, everyone has a cell phone, a connected watch, a computer, and there are still some who manage not to realize what time it is. I fear for future generations.
9. The phobia of people changing music before the track is finished, “pleasedontstopthemusicphobia”
It’s not because you have suffered in life that you have to transfer this rage to the artists, ok? They don’t deserve it, all they want is to fill your ears with happiness.
10. The phobia of seeing a computer plugged in when it has all its battery, “fullbatteryphobia”
Do you do the same with your car at the gas pump?
11. The phobia of people coming in front of you, you want to go right they go right, so you go left and they also go left, “macronphobia”
I have already sent 16 letters to the deputy of my department asking him to submit bills to the National Assembly against this type of pest. No answer for the moment, but I don’t despair.
12. The phobia of people who don’t eat pizza crusts, “yolophobia”
For each abandoned crust, a pizza maker goes into depression. And who pays for his care? Taxes ! Wake up !
13. The phobia of people who eat cheese rinds, “kiriphobia”
I see you coming. But sorry for you, fromageïolo don’t exist. You won’t get me like that, I worked on the subject.
14. The phobia of people who read your newspaper in the metro, “fraudalacafphobia”
Laurent Wauquiez is right, the assistantship is the real problem that plagues France.
15. The phobia of people you pass by car and who pass you again behind, “michelvaillantphobia”
If these guys called you a shit eater, they would probably disrespect you less.
Come on, burn me all that.