You have just entered a zone where any notion of morality is absent. Here is the kingdom of little bastards, big selfish and beautiful scum. Have you decided to stay? Ok, so here are practical tips that will help you in your relationships with your friends but are totally abused. Afterwards, we can take it the other way around: here are some immoral BUT tips that will help you in life. It immediately goes better.
1. A tip to save a friendship
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If someone blames you for ghosting them for a long time, send a screenshot with a typed but not sent message telling them “damn he never actually sent himself I’m sorry”.
2. A tip for people for whom food is more important than friendship
When you have to make two slices to share a cake with a friend, make a slice that looks big on the top but is narrower at the bottom. He’ll choose it, and you’ll get a slice that looks smaller but is actually bigger.
3. A tip for those who make the (too) big commission
If you blocked the toilet of a friend who is having a party, go find him and ask him where his toilet is. You just have to go back and forth and tell him that the toilets were clogged when you arrived.
4. A tip for those who are too lazy to talk
If you have a friend you don’t want to talk to who’s calling, pick up and put your phone on airplane mode instead of just hanging up. He will see “call failed” instead of “call ended” and will not be offended.
5. A tip for friends who don’t use their gifts
If you’re giving a friend a gift card, write down the gift card number and code. If he still hasn’t used the card when the expiration date approaches, use it instead, he won’t even realize it.
6. A tip for semi-violent people
If you want to stick a pie to a friend, stick a wasp in your hand before giving him a big slap in the neck. You can tell him that you saved him by showing him the wasp corpse.
7. A tip for those who want to socialize
If you want to make friends, create a hyper BG Tinder profile of the opposite sex, then invite lots of guys / girls on the same fake date. On the day of the date, come at the same time as all the people who have been had, and pretend that you are also a victim of this fake profile. It will be a great opportunity to make good friends.
8. A tip to prevent it from lasting
If you don’t want your friends to stay too long at home, buy uncomfortable chairs and armchairs on which you will seat your guests.
9. A tip for the cheapskates
If it’s a friend’s birthday that you don’t really like (or just don’t want to spend money), you can send him an envelope by mail by tearing one side beforehand of the envelope. He’ll think the money was stolen by the postman.
10. A tip for little dunces
If you’re too lazy to do your homework, ask buddy A to do exercise 1 in exchange for exercise 2, and buddy B to do exercise 2 in exchange for exercise 1. Both will work for you.
11. A tip for the dirty cheapskates (again them)
If you don’t want to give a friend a birthday present, get in trouble with him a little before his birthday, and reconcile shortly after his birthday.
12. A tip for future parents
Make children after all your friends, so you will collect their children’s belongings/pushchairs/beds.
13. A trick for big morfales
If you want to eat your friend’s crisps, sneeze into his package. It will disgust him and he will let you eat everything.
14. A tip for cheaters
If your class has to return a DM, create a fake teacher email address and send it to your class group to collect the DMs of all your classmates and copy to them.
15. A tip for filthy buddies
If you’re roommate with a friend who doesn’t do housework, flirt with a fake account on a dating app. He will invite the fake account in date and clean up in case he brings it home.