Celebrating a birthday is always a pretty cool festive event because you’re surrounded by the people you love (unless you don’t love your family and friends). However, there are unlucky people who don’t know the joy this day is supposed to bring because their parents miscalculated their move (in both senses of the word) and made it a rotten day. Let’s spare a thought for them.
1. Back to school day
Good after it’s true that it changes every year but still at the beginning of September it’s the lose. You don’t know anyone so everyone wishes you your birthday shyly. We’re in an early evening atmosphere when people arrive at 7 p.m., aren’t drunk and don’t know each other.
2. On the same day as one of your parents
Because even if you get a gift you have to give it as a gift so it cancels out.
3. October 31
Good luck convincing your friends to dress up for your birthday party when girls can dress up as cat-woman to pretend they’re good and guys can dress up as Dracula to pretend they’re dark.
4. December 24 or 25
Whether it’s Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, or New Year’s Eve, even if your family and friends love you, you will take a back seat, traditions are stronger than your little person. And generally speaking, being born in December sucks because it’s cold and you’re only going to get ugly sweaters and scarves for Christmas AND for your birthday. After nothing, nada. No gifts of the year unless you have a first name from the Christian calendar and you receive a gift for your birthday each year. But that’s a lot of conditions.
5. December 31 (generally being born in December sucks)
The new year merges with your birthday and let’s be honest your friends would rather celebrate the new year than the day you were born.
6. September 11, January 7, November 13
Your birthday is all sadness and despair, it’s memorial day and even you don’t feel like celebrating. You think of the dead, you’re sad.
7. January 1
Impossible to celebrate your birthday with your head in your ass. Everyone is completely out of order and thinks about sleeping, drinking water, watching the end of the year bloopers, but not about you.
8. Same day as your twin sister
Too boring what she could have left you at least that already that she stole everything from you physically.
9. On Valentine’s Day
It sucks for a lot of reasons. If you’re in a relationship, you get your birthday present spoiled by your Valentine’s Day present, if you’re not in a relationship, you can’t party because your couple friends won’t come. You will be depressed to be celib and depressed to be alone for your birthday.
10. The day of a presidential election
The French LOVE politics and debate, it is our little side, heir to the French revolution that we feel obliged to maintain by pretending to be hyper interested in the future of our country. In truth, we really are because it’s important and above all too cool to criticize all the candidates, to downgrade their program when we haven’t read them. But there you are, the only downside is that on this day when the future of the French nation is going to be decided, you’re as insignificant as Nathalie Arthaud’s ballot papers. This is the significance of the general interest.
11. July 14
The military parade is much more interesting to watch than you blowing out your candles.
12. February 29
Because if you were born on February 29, 2000 you’re only 4 years old, you’re a baby.
13. June 21
The streets fill with a noisy, drunken crowd. It’s the only day of the year when civility disappears completely (the effect of the music, no doubt), you’ll be more busy dodging the jazz-gypsy groups and the karaoke singers who cover Celine Dion than to unwrap your gifts. No one wanted to go to your party anyway.
14. Saint Glinglin’s Day
Because you’re not of this world, it’s sad.