There are numbers about sex that you don’t want to hear. It’s always a little disturbing to learn that there are more than 11,800 coitions per second in the world. But if there’s anything you need to know about sex, it’s the rules that follow. The commandments for a safe and pleasant part of the legs in the air for everyone (because that’s kind of the goal of the exercise, isn’t it?). So save well what will follow to become a sex beast for sure, that is to say someone respectful and caring.
1. Peeing after a good sex session
This rule may seem a little ridiculous and I know that few of you follow it because it’s always better to stay in the bed and have a little hug rather than going to empty your bladder. But if you want to avoid all the little inconveniences such as infection, cystitis, etc., follow this rule to the letter. Better yet, pee before you sleep with someone, too. Your inner flora will thank you.
2. Changing condoms when moving from back to front
Boo, another question of hygiene! And yes because, important point especially for the girls, the small bacteria which are in the anus do not have any need to be found in the vagina and especially do not have their place there. Unless, as with the previous point, you feel like carrying around a cocktail of illnesses for the next 15 months. And if you don’t use a condom, well, either you go and quickly rinse your tools, or you just do anal. Not so complicated.
3. Cut her nails
From the moment your fingers are inside someone, you have to make sure they are impeccably hygienic. So we wash them well, in particular to eliminate any trace of spices that could have been consumed before (yes, yes, trust me, it’s nothing exciting to have a burning vulva). And then we think at the same time of cutting our nails. Because trust me, no one wants to feel like they’re being butchered from the inside.
4. Don’t forget that a penis can break
(I apologize in advance for the pain caused to guys reading this point, but it’s for your own good). Since the penis does not contain any bone, we can think that there is no chance that it will fracture. But this is a mistake because it is in fact the rigid envelope of the penis, the tunica albuginea, which can break, and cause very, very, very pain. It is also possible to break the frenulum, this small skin that connects the foreskin to the base of the glans. It’s not serious but it can be very impressive because it often pisses blood when it’s broken (oupsi). So when you have sex with someone with a penis, you try not to go too hard either.
5. Never be afraid to ask questions
Wouldn’t that be the secret of a good fuck after all? Asking the other what he/she likes and what his/her limits are, asking questions when in doubt, checking that he/she is still ok with what is happening… Could communication be the key to any relationship ???? No ??? By remembering that not everyone likes the same things and by adapting to the person with whom you are going to practice coitus, you maximize your chances of being in their top 10 of the best moves. So we put our ego aside and we ask for whatever we want/need to ask.
6. Not mentioning anything related to exes/kids/parents
I would have liked not to have to state this rule but it is necessary to pass by there to avoid with other people having to do it. Generally, we avoid any topic that relates to boring/angry or just not very exciting stuff. Like the tax forms to fill out or your thumb radio in 5th grade.
7. Practice good hygiene
You will all agree, it makes you want to have sex when a little aroma emerges from your partner’s private parts. Afterwards, if it’s your trip for both of you, you do what you want, but when in doubt, we don’t hesitate to go there on cleaning with appropriate soaps or small wipes. There will still be a normal natural smell. But not to mention the smells, it’s always better when it’s clean down there.
8. Have a small cleaning kit handy near your bed
If with this technique, you don’t bring a date back to your bed every night, I don’t understand anything anymore. To avoid the embarrassment of having to run around the barracks looking for a piece of fabric while the other is standing with their legs in the air trying not to spill any everywhere after a copulation, consider leaving near your reads a cleaning kit. Toilet paper, handkerchiefs, towels, a mop… In short, everything you need to avoid having to wash your sheets every half hour after a minor accident.
9. Get all the animals out of the room
Do you want to be intensely fixed by your cat during a game of legs in the air? To see your dog climb on the bed and lick your face during the act? To have your snake creeping under your feet or your mouse sneaking through your sheets? I sincerely hope the answer is no (otherwise I’m going to really worry), and if it is, I have the solution. Hold on tight, you just have to get them out of the room and close behind you (with a key if your animals are extremely intelligent beings for their age). The big party is yours.
10. Do not laugh at things that can complex the other
Whether it’s frouts, erection problems or hanging breasts, if it makes the other person complex, then we don’t make fun. Never. We can laugh about it in second degree mode if the person is calm on the subject. But never, ever, should you laugh at a situation that may make someone uncomfortable, especially if you have just had or put your organs inside that person. Even Giscard d’Estaing applied this principle, that is to say.
11. Not leaning on each other to bring condoms
Assume that the other may have forgotten to buy condoms, have finished their box last week or have changed their bag in the meantime and therefore have no condom available. If you use condoms, it’s because you don’t want to be a parent or catch diseases, so we always take ours straight away. And then it’s your sexuality too huh, you can’t delegate everything.
12. Put your cuddly toys in a small corner
THEY DON’T NEED TO SEE THIS!!! So even if it’s heartbreaking at the time, we put our stuffed animals well protected in a closet so that they don’t attend the scene. They don’t need this trauma.
13. Make sure you always have the other’s consent
If that’s not a big yes, then it’s a big no. So we do not hesitate to ask several times before and during sex if everything is ok and if the person is still okay with what is happening. And it’s okay to repeat it, because in fact it’s the law and that without consent, it’s sexual assault, at the very least. So it’s better to look a little cheesy than to hurt someone who didn’t ask.
14. Ask the person where we can end
In the same vein as consent, you don’t end up in someone without asking them if it’s ok. Quite simply, a matter of respect. Would you like to be vomited in your mouth without asking if you were okay with it? Well, it’s the same with your seeds, you keep them for yourself or your mattress if you haven’t received a voucher.