The Americans are fixated on France. In their fictions, there are always French people or characters who go to live in France. The problem is that American films are full of clichés about the French. One of these four, we would like to see something else, a little more realism, a little more REAL France. We give them some ideas so that they better represent our country in their films.
1. A character stuck in line 13 of the Paris metro
It would be squeezed between two workers who were late for work and who started drumming on the windows of the train because they were tired of wasting 2 hours a day on public transport and were on the verge of losing their job because their boss can’t stand their taking their job on the spur of the moment.
2. A pigeon dying in a gutter
A filthy pigeon, one-eyed, missing a leg, and passersby who don’t even glance at it because they’re in too much of a hurry to be interested in a dying bird. The scene would be sad, but extremely poetic.
3. French people who drink something other than red wine
Because yes, even if we like red wine a lot, we also sometimes drink water during meals. The role of the Frenchman who drinks water could be interpreted by François Cluzet, Pierre Niney, or even Gérard Depardieu (he’s a good actor, he can pretend to drink something other than wine, believe me.)
4. French people who have an old wine crust on their lips after drinking red wine
Because yes, even if it means showing us all the time downing bottles of pinard, we might as well show the reality: when you drink too much of it, you have disgusting purple lips and breath enough to wake a dead cat. It’s gross but that’s how it is.
5. A guy who gets sick but doesn’t struggle too much because we have a good healthcare system
The guy, we could call him Nicolas, and he would have prostate cancer. When Nicolas would start worrying about the costs he would have to pay for treatment, his doctor would tell him not to worry, because we are in France, and everything will be covered by the ‘Health Insurance.
6. A baker who delivers to his village thanks to his C15
At the wheel of his Citroën utility vehicle, the craftsman would make his rounds, exchanging a few words with the elderly people who were happy to have their baguettes brought to them. That way, the Americans would have a good opportunity to bring out the cliché of the baguette, but by showing rural France, for once.
7. Parisian apartments that don’t have a view of the Eiffel Tower
To change from the huge Haussmann 6-room apartments placed just opposite the Iron Lady, we could see a student in a small 15 square meter studio at Porte de Saint-Ouen. The apartment would be located under the roof, and the girl would have to walk 6 flights of stairs every day before peeling her ass because it’s 3 degrees outside and barely 10 more in her apartment.
8. A girl who walks in the street and is called out, whistled, assaulted every 5 minutes
The male extras would shout obscenities at her telling her that her skirt is too short, and maybe even when she arrived at school crying, the principal would tell her to go home to change. So the whole world would see how much France is not just the Champs Elysée and hyper romantic people.
9. A worker who puts down his afternoon to wait for a colissimo that never arrives
The film would be shot behind closed doors and it would emphasize the tension of this man who constantly watches at his window for the arrival of a delivery man he will never see. The final twist will be this moment when, returning from the bathroom, he will realize that the guy from La Poste has left him a calling card without ringing the doorbell.
10. A guy struggling to find a parking space for 1 hour
Instead of the usual scenes where the guy parks right at the bottom of the building he’s looking for, we could illustrate the real life of city dwellers who no longer know where to put their car and end up opting for a disgusting niche 300 meters from their address. The real French life, what.
11. Crowded streets in Paris
When the Americans film the French capital, strangely, there is never anyone, when in reality, there are always people. For once, we could show a Parisian Boulevard de l’Est where too many people are jostling, without any monument in the background.
12. Electronic cigarettes
Usually, Hollywood films show us French people smoking cigarette after cigarette, but in 2020, we still don’t see electronic cigarettes when that’s all we have. Electronic cigarettes could be performed by new hopefuls from the Comédie Française.
13. “Floral village” signs
Well yeah, why do we never see it in the big blockbusters that are happening in France? Please make an effort to show the reality of our country.
14. Children called Marcel, Augustine, Achille, Léonie Philémon or Lucien
It’s fashionable, especially among the rich, but nobody talks about it in American super-productions, huh…