They are proud, these Bretons. Proud of their heritage, their region, their menhirs, their kouign-amann and their history. They are proud, but perhaps they shouldn’t boast too much, because all that is nice, huh, but it’s far from pleading in their favor at a time when the government is very seriously studying the possibility of a sale of Brittany to the Spaniards.
1. We eat stuff not phew
Breton culinary specialties are the biggest cost/selling price scam in history. 3 euros for a crepe with Nutella seriously? How about the Henaff pâté? Here, if I made a small can by putting sadness in it? Sadness that goes cronch-cronch? And a good dose of diabetes in addition with kouign-amman.
2. Guys wear silly hats
And the girls have test tubes on their heads. Not without messing around, Bigoudens and Bigoudènes make everyone uncomfortable with their outfit. It would be about growing up.
3. Breton, you won’t make me believe it’s a language
Demat, Kenavo and especially Plougastel. When we develop a language, the goal is not to put syllables at random one after the other, eh, it is a question of building a language which resembles something. However, calling a parish a Plou is still complicated to hope to gain credibility from it. Apart from the insults in Breton, there’s nothing valid.
4. The guys don’t have Mont-Saint-Michel or Nantes, they missed everything
Even the cider is Norman. So yes, it’s true that they have Brest and Rennes. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Brest. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Ha. Ha. BREST.
5. Brest = depression
Everything is grey, sad and under construction. Even the road is in depression. Even Miossec is in depression. Especially Miossec is in depression, moreover.
6. When I hear the word “salted butter” I pull out my revolver
Why put salt in the butter when you can put butter and add salt if you want without imposing on everyone our fucking crystals of salt from I don’t know which island lost in the middle of the sea? coldest in the world?
7. Manau, Nolwenn Leroy, Jean-Marie Le Pen and Matmatah
And Miossec. And Cali. And… No, that’s it, I already have a headache just thinking about all that. And if you’re wondering why I put Jean-Marie Le Pen in the middle of the others, well, it’s because he sings too.
8. Le bignou, brothel
It speaks for itself. The bignou. The fucking bignou.
9. They have a totally shitty rainy micro climate.
And it seems that it would only rain on idiots? And bah people must be very stupid in Brittany because it rains all the time damn it, ALL THE TIME 10.000 BALLS I SPENT ON THE FUCK HOLIDAYS FUCKED UP BY THE SPRAY AND THE FLEET.
10. The sea is cold, it is useless
Why have the sea when you can’t swim in it? I ask the real questions.
11. The castle of the Dukes of Brittany is not even in Brittany BRAVO LA GEOGRAPHIE!
Guys really don’t understand anything. In my opinion, they had to tangle their brushes because of their stupid language when installing the castle.
12. We called Great Britain a region conquered by the Normans
We can always try to appropriate the successes of others, huh, but from there to say that it’s a good player…
The existence of the chouchen is the best demonstration of the non-existence of God. Tsunamis, nuclear, war and famine, volcanoes, death, all that I understand the delirium; but the chouchen can only arise from the great chaos. There is no purpose.
14. Bretons feel compelled to put “At ease Breizh” stickers on their cars to feel like they exist
And it is infinitely sad.
No I’m kidding, huh, Brittany is a very beautiful region – too bad we can’t see it with all this drizzle.