Top 14 proofs that Angers is a city like no other, welcome to the Unknown Land

Ah Angers, its banks of Maine, its good wine, its cute inhabitants and its incredible castle… So many reasons to think that Angers is the best city in France! But on closer inspection, it is easy to realize that these reasons are also proof that Angers is a completely different city from the rest of the country. A place a little apart like Brittany or Mordor for example. So do not forget your travel guide if you ever venture into this region: there are habits and customs not to be forgotten.

1. Angers is often voted the number one city in France where life is good

Frankly, it’s borderline weird as this city wins all the votes. Perfect people always hide something, well Angers, it’s the same. Obliged there are free spas given to all new residents and cookie giveaways every morning which would explain why this city is the greatest thing on earth and its number one position as a city where it’s done good living.

2. Its inhabitants speak an unusual language

Have you ever communicated with an Angevin and understood everything he had said? One day, a guy said to me, “I’ll let you get out of your way with the little guy who’s pissed off because he’s hurt his little bitch, bitch”, I cried tears of blood.

3. Everyone knows by heart “Happy who like Ulysses” (they are the only ones)

If they haven’t studied Ridan’s song in music class in college, it’s certainly because they aren’t real Angevins. True Angevins will be very proud to remind all the evenings where they are invited that Joachim du Bellay said in his poem: “More than hard marble I like fine slate […] and more than the sea air, the Angevine sweetness”.

4. The Angevins have a more than special diet

As they exert themselves a lot at the ball of fort, the Angevins need a high calorie diet to compensate. Here is a complete description of the daily menu of its inhabitants. Morning: crémet d’anjou and apple tapée, to start the day off right. Lunch: somersaults and rillaud salad as a starter, veal bottom and pâté with plums for dessert. Small slate boots and quernons for a snack to keep you going at the end of the day. And finally dinner: small fouées to whet your appetite, gouline and finally caramandes with a small glass of Cointreau to wash it all down. Guaranteed 100% cholesterol from the age of 30.

5. The locals are always, always late, but there’s a reason for that.

If you are friends with an Angevin, give him an appointment a quarter of an hour before the real time you want him to be there. Yes, even for your wedding. Because the inhabitants of Angers live with the concept of the “Angevin quarter of an hour” which allows them to always show up fifteen minutes late in all circumstances, justifying themselves by the blood that runs in their veins. It’s a custom that you have to respect.

6. They hit bars with the expression “Okay” and only other Angevins can understand

Because when we say to them, “See you at the wharf? they answer “Okay! and piss each other laughing every time. Don’t make fun, they do what they can to fit in, okay??

7. It’s the only city in France with LGBTQ-friendly trams (and nobody cares)

Either the Angevins are way ahead of their time. Either there are very powerful lobbies. There is a subject of investigation there.

8. Even their amusement park says a lot about them.

Their national pride? Terra Botanica, an amusement park on the theme of flowers. Yes, yes, you read that right. The Angevins clearly smoke weed every day for having invented such shit (afterwards, the 3D attraction in the life of a drop of water is still stylish…). How about an amusement park about the future which clearly has nothing to do with the future as long as we’re at it, huh???

9. Every year, the Angevins gather around shows of acrobats for a whole weekend without returning home

Don’t try to talk to an Angevin during the Accroche-Coeurs, he won’t hear you, too engrossed in the flagmen and the orchestral parades to pay attention to anything else. We respect, it’s their national holiday if you want.

10. They call themselves wine-angels

No, but how are you, pretentious alcoholics? Where do you think you are?? It’s not Bordeaux here, ok??!!

Top 14 proofs that angers is a city like no other, welcome to the unknown land

11. The locals have a bit too strong a passion for Angevin soup

Every evening, they bring their cointreau and their sparkling wine to make this cocktail that no one but them knows. “But don’t worry, it’s drinkable like whey”, they say. And it’s fucking true. It beats and yet, we would even take it for breakfast, it’s so delicious.

12. They defend their castle more than their own mother.

Dare to say to an Angevin that “Yeah, well, they’re big towers, I preferred Chenonceau, it’s a little classier than your thing from the Middle Ages.” Besides, your castle is a little dark there, you should have a Kärsher shot on it, right? and you won’t be sure to see the light of day again.

13. The Angevins have a hell of a melon that rivals the Parisians

They all think they are clearly above the other cities of Pays de la Loire and shit on Le Mans and Laval permanently. The situation deteriorated when Angers entered Ligue 1 and a new ice rink was built to better accommodate the Ducs d’Angers, the best hockey team in France. Since then, the Angevins have struggled to pass the door frames.

14. They have a unique immune system in France

As the Angevins only have beaches an hour and a half from their home, they bathe in all the lakes and rivers in the area like beggars without fear of the bacteria which proliferate there, quite simply because they have an immune system 35% more efficient than that of other French people. Since they saw the inhabitants of Angers make bombs in the Lac de Maine, scientists have taken a close interest in this community.

Don’t be bad players my Angevinous, I have “Angers” tattooed around my left ring finger and 49070 as a lucky number (this is also my daughter’s future name, you become direct godfather/godmother if you find what this postal code corresponds to).

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