I’m going to tell you a truth that will turn your life upside down: you’re badass or you’re not. It’s no use pretending to be, because all you have to gain is to look like a fool. That’s what happened to lovely people in this top who thought they were playing badass when in the end they were just way too jealous, way too macho, way too touchy or just way too tough. They probably hadn’t expected that instead of admiring them, we would shamelessly laugh at them.
1. The guy who thinks drinking black coffee makes him a badass
“I go to Starbucks only to see the embarrassment in the eyes of the grown man ordering a light iced latte when he looks up and sees me taking a sip of my pure black coffee with no cream or sugar”
2. This guy more possessive than Gollum with his ring (and stupid, and homophobic)
“_ Who are you and why are you posting on my girl’s wall?
_ It’s HIS guy talking to you and I won’t ask you my question again. Why are you posting on his wall?
_ I wrote “Happy birthday”, man. I wish a happy birthday to each person in my contacts. You should try. You never know who needs a little boost in their day, they could be stuck in a relationship with a miserable possessive asshole!
3. This guy who thinks he’s stronger than the Sun
“A guy just called me a little girl because I put on sunscreen. Imagine you’re tougher than the sun? The fucking sun »
4. This guy even more protective than a bodyguard
“_ Never text Samantha again
_ Who is it ?
_ Her boy friend. Don’t text him anymore. You don’t want trouble with me.
_ Dude, it’s my colleague, I just need her to take my work shift next week
_ I do not care. I’ll make your life hard, kid. I lift 140 kg in the bench press and 185 kg in the deadlift. I am 1.90m and I used to wrestle. I’m going to break your little arms. »
5. This proud father of being a big, violent and toxic moron
“I caught my daughter talking to a boy on the school computer she wasn’t supposed to bring home. It turns out Macs don’t handle 40 caliber bullets very well.”
6. This person who thinks threats are so cool
“I heard that we should start walking around with our Covid-19 vaccination certificate. I hope someone asks to see my COVID-1911”
7. This guy who wants to scare a child and also needs a gun for that
“My daughter likes a boy at school so I’m going to pick her up and take them somewhere to eat”
8. The guy willing to fight science to prove he’s an Alpha Male
“Alpha males do not exist. In fact, the term alpha wolf has been disavowed by the scientific community. »
“I would love to challenge this Beta to a fight to see the myriad of reasons he’d come up with to avoid getting a black eye that heals in days. Clumsy shitty man, living his life with the fear of living. »
9. This guy who, luckily for all of us, has a console at home
“I’m a gamer because hitting people in real life is frowned upon”
10. This guy straight out of a bad GTA
“Don’t mess with me”
11. This guy who watched a little too much Jason Bourne
“Me when I enter a building, I spot the exits, the cameras and the possible threats. Millennials, when they come home, they identify the outlets to plug in their devices. We are not the same. »
12. This guy who needs to empty his armory when he goes to buy a sandwich
You never know, the salesman might rob him with a slice of tomato.
13. This guy ready to fight with God (it’s strong)
“Let’s assume that God exists and that you can ask him a question, what would you ask him? »
“I wouldn’t ask a single question. I’d rather start by hitting him, and he deserves every hit. It’s a good thing for him that he probably doesn’t exist. »
14. And let’s not forget that the least badass badass was once President of the United States.
“Crazy Joe Biden tries to come across as a tough guy. In truth, he is weak, both mentally and physically, and now he is physically threatening me for the second time. He doesn’t recognize me, but he would come down fast and hard, crying the whole time. Don’t threaten people Joe! »