On Tinder, you can sometimes come across demanding people who have very specific expectations such as “1m85 minimum please” or “if you’re a cop, swipe left”, and even if that may upset some people, it’s part of the game. But sometimes, in the worst Tinder bios, you come across WAY TOO DEMANDING people whose requests sound like a list to Santa Claus written by a spoiled brat. No kidding, these people will never find love.
1. Yes, and with that please?
Table of Contents
“I am looking for a woman with conservative right-wing values – who works in the liberal at a high level. Stp measures between 1m57 and 1m67, weighs between 48kg and 53kg, breasts between 85B and 85C, size 12-16, shoe size 38-39. Be funny but down to earth. Get manicured/pedicured with good hygiene. Your attire should be 80% formal/20% casual, but wear pajamas at night. You have to be reliable, honest, love movies, road trips and family. You must also have or like dogs and no children. 18-26 years old. »
2. At least she sets the tone
“Please don’t swipe right if you’re not attractive enough; I am very demanding. Criteria: black, straight, mid-length hair; lean/not too muscular; introverted/reserved; more serious than fun; good smell ; kindly ; cute ; Soft voice ; wear glasses from time to time. I’m looking for a guy to replace someone I can’t be with right now. If you match these requests, please swipe right; I’m a little desperate. Thanks. »
3. Sorry, we couldn’t find any results matching your query
” My ideal :
– You must not care about the physical and must accept me for what I am
– Don’t tell me “ok” or “good” when it’s useless
– Take me outside without being ashamed
– Respect everyone with kindness
– Buy me lots of gifts
– Melt my heart every day
– Feed me when I’m hungry
– Tell me that You Love Me
– Good personality
– Support me
– Taller than me
– comforts me
– who loves animals
– Affectionate
– Good humor
– Beautiful
– Loyalty
*Please call 06******** if you find any guy who matches my standards*”
4. How not to fall for such a charming profile???
“I am literally the greatest of princesses, if you give me Versace you have my heart, oh and of course you have to have money and drive a nice car and kindly pay me for my nails, my UV sessions, my eyelashes, bags, clothes, shoes and all the other things I need! I am very outgoing and I speak easily! My favorite color is pink 🙂 Don’t write to me unless you have money to spend on a pretty blonde like me”
5. I just fell in love with this person
“If you’re… you can’t be my guy:
– Not sexy
– Muscular or something like that
– Want to have children
– Can’t play an instrument / Doesn’t have at least a good voice so I can sleep
– Does not have good musical taste
– Too confident because you will be far too boring
– Sensitive
– Too romantic ; Dude, I want you to work, not get me a rose or whatever. No I’m kidding, I’ll appreciate the little touches, I’ll thank you for smiling.
– Too sweet
– If you are really too ugly
– You must be at least 80% Chinese or my family will not accept you.
– If you chew with your mouth open
– If you’re not smart (listen to me, I have to feed my cats) then get a job
– If you are not talented
– If you don’t like cats (asshole)”
6. Undeniably a beautiful person
The checklist for being my guy:
– Chinese, Korean or Vietnamese
– NOT bald, over 1m65, thin and manly
– Treat me like a princess, put me above your family and friends otherwise we are just “friends”
– Mature, take me seriously, don’t make too many jokes
– NOT stingy, pay the bills, buy me pretty stuff
– Skip family reunions during the holidays so that we can travel together
– Do NOT take me to see your parents more than twice a year
– When I tell you “I’m having a bad day” call me or take me somewhere to make me feel better
– Don’t tell me “it will pass” or “tell me when you are free”, we are NOT sexfriends
– Moves to Hong Kong, Singapore or Ho Chi Minh City
– Do all the work in bed, be nice, treat me like a princess
“Don’t bite, don’t put your tongue in my ear, don’t make lame jokes. »
7. Please put these people in their place
_ But I’m demanding so it’s not enough lol
_ Ah I am very demanding too. What are your criteria?
_ Hygiene, Respect, opens doors for me, good income, educated, good health, no drugs, not too much alcohol, does not smoke, honest, loyal, responsible, likes dogs, able to maintain a healthy body life and to maintain a very spendthrift woman.
_ Interesting ! I actually fit all of those criteria, but it’s a shame you didn’t put “good lifestyle and supporting a spendthrift wife” first so I could stop reading. »
8. Who wants to become his slave?
“I am looking for my beautiful forever. She must: be blonde or brunette. Be lean and toned, go to the gym at least 4 times a week. Do not make more than 1m80 and no less than 1m62. Be available all the time. Use your head well. Be able to cook and clean. Devote most of your time to me. Have a good income (over $70,000 per year). Have your own apartment where I can come and sleep from time to time. If you fit those criteria, swipe right, I won’t settle for less. I’m not interested in fat women and single moms. »
9. I got shivers of discomfort
“Direct. Feminist. From the left. I’d rather go to the forest than to a 5-star restaurant. Those on the right don’t bother. Spare me your human tears. Don’t be too nice, it’s embarrassing.
If you’re under 6 feet tall, can’t write, read LADbible, earn less than 30k, post shirtless selfies, talk about your beard or ugly tattoos all the time and you think you have a “sick repartee” so don’t waste your time ok? You can be less than 1m80 if you gain 10k more per lost centimeter and you can gain less than 30k if you are 1m95. »
10. It’s fascinating, it’s so cliché
“Checklist for my husband:
– 1m95 or more
– Tattoos
– Drives a car or motorbike
– Discreetly involved in illegal activities (if not, dead): street racing, street fighting, gang leader, etc…
– Hyper bad boy, preferably wears black clothes and leather jackets.
– Dark and mysterious, with a spellbinding dark past
– A big asshole with everyone but me
– Intimidating, which scares everyone but me
– Who would do EVERYTHING for me (his princess)
– Dominant/paternal
– Possessive and hyper-protective
– Loves dogs
– Pick me up at 2 a.m. when I’m hungry
– Foreign. »
11. Wait, is that legal?
“Christian. Conservative. Softball. Courageous. Friends.
Must like tall girls.
First date = you come to carry out work that must be carried out in my house. Like hanging something, painting or installing something. I need help around the house and I want to know how handy you are. »
12. This man deserves to find love (and then get dumped like shit)
“Hawk eyes. Motorbike. Skateboarding. Whiskey. If none of your photos show you fully then I zap. Let’s start there: my list of criteria: between 1m50 and 1m65, well built, eyes as deep as the ocean, well educated, likes to laugh and has a big libido. »
13. Uh and if not the girl has the right to exist?
“What I’m looking for:
DAILY SHOWER / DAILY TEETH BRUSHING / HAS NO SLEEVE WITH MORE THAN 3 GUYS / NO TATTOOS / NO NOSE PIERCING / NO CHOKERS AROUND NECK / NO SHORT HAIR / NO FLASHY COLORED HAIR / NO BIG / NO SMOKER / NO DRUGS / NO LESS TEETH / NO HOTTERS / NO COUGARS / NO DIVORCED / NO DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS / NO CAREGIVERS / NO PHYSIOTHERAPISTS 🙂 / NO SINGLE MOTHERS / NO VENALE WOMEN / NOT TOO MUCH MAKEUP / NO PLASTIC SURGERY / NO LGBT / NO DEGENERATE / NEVER SEND NUDE / NO STI / NO BDSM / NO POLYAMOUR / FREE RELATIONSHIPS / NO BLOW ONE EVENING / NO POLE DANCER / NO GIRLS LOOKING FOR A SUGGAR DADDY / NO CALLGIRLS/ESCORTS / NO GIRLS WHO STILL LIVE AT DADDY’S HOUSE / NO YOGA / NO MEDITATION / NO SOCIAL MEDIA ADDICTS / NO CANADIANS / NO TRAVEL ADDICTS / NO VEGANS / NO HARRY POTTER / NO COMMUNISTS / NO GUY FRIENDS / NO DISNEY (seriously, it would be about growing up) / NO RAP / NOT TOO RELIGIOUS / NO DANCING / NO GAME OF THRONES (go watch historical documentaries instead of this trash of fiction) “
14. If this guy was French, we know who he would vote for.
“Norwegian business development manager obsessed with travel, luxury restaurants Bojack Horseman and existential nihilism.
– No feminist activists
– BMI less than 24 (laziness is not attractive)
– No unnatural hair colors
– No girl trying to be a Kardashian
– No “I identify as…”
– No “because of the patriarchal society”
– No girls talking instead of doing
– No Kurt Cobain fangirls
– No “We must raise the minimum wage”
– No girls sleeping right to left
– No “I am offended and I have rights”
– No baggy jeans”