Ready to do anything to snatch a tiny eighth more market share, the brands have all entered the marketing war for a long time. Sometimes it’s cool and what originally looked like gerbos is actually just too good (like the Milka at Tuc, for example), and then sometimes it’s drama and what looked gerbos at the base is worse than gerbos as evidenced by these false packagings.
1. Ravioli with chocolate sauce
Have you dreamed of eating banana ravioli bathed in a dubious chocolate sauce? There is therefore a choice of two flavours: banana with chocolate sauce or strawberry with vanilla sauce. All presented in a tin that looks just like the Bolognese your grandmother served you on Sunday evenings.
2. Breast milk lollipops
Lollyphile is an American brand specializing in adult pacifiers. After having been a hit with their absinthe, tequila or mojito lollipops, they thought that a breast milk lollipop would complement their range nicely. They call it the “most satisfying flavor ever”. In our opinion, a big perv thing.
3. Carrot-orange ice cream
For the number of scorching evenings we spent alone with our family pot of Macadamia Nut Brittle, we would like to forgive Häagen-Dazs for everything. But when one of the kings of ice cream succumbs to the veggie trend by marketing light carrot-orange or cherry-tomato ice cream, we still blame him a little bit.
4. The sweet pizza
Available only in the United States, these sweet Kellogg’s pizzas are meant to be eaten for breakfast. Slightly clumsy, they consist of a base of cream cheese and a topping where there is a bulk of frozen fruit, oats, almonds and honey, all, of course, on a good fat very thick pizza dough as we like them. A delight that heats up in a minute in the microwave.
5. Laughing Cow minced ham
We are not going to lie to each other: the term “chopped ham” does not already inspire too much confidence, but the fact of adding Laughing Cow in said “chopped ham” should be punished by law.
6. Strawberry candy smoked salmon
A newcomer to the seafood deli department, the Ïod brand offers a whole range of flavored smoked salmon. Among which a very strange smoked salmon with strawberry candy which all the same suggests that the salmon must not have been of high quality for the guys to have had the idea of covering the taste with tagada strawberry.
7. Mojito-flavored chips
Marketed in Spain, these crisps whose concept seems to stuff your face at a lower cost did not at all (but then at all) seduce consumers who for the most part spoke of an aftertaste of expired lemon cream . Well, actually it does not sell the dream.
8. Chocolate Wine
American brand, Precept Wine launched in 2012 the concept of chocolate wine. It’s very simple: you take wine, you infuse raspberries and dark chocolate in it and presto you have chocolate wine. The bad news for lovers of “real” wine is that nothing is known about the origin of the wine in which this delicious blend is infused. There would be a small partnership with the Old Popes there that wouldn’t surprise me.
9. Yogurt for men
Danone’s Bulgarian subsidiary launched a range of yoghurts reserved for men in the summer of 2013. In this range called (in case we haven’t understood) Danone For Men, we find yoghurts that are thicker than normal and low in fat, all in packaging that is supposed to appeal to men, so black, sober and practical. Not sexist at all.
10. Mozzarella with Nutella (Semeraro cheese dairy, in Puglia)
In principle, after all, why not? Mozzarella isn’t really tasty so it literally can’t be ruined by the presence of Nutella. But still there is something that blocks psychologically.
11. Kiwi pizza (discovered in a Danish pizzeria)
The new “pizza with pineapple gate”. The cooks no longer know what to invent to provoke us.
12. Coffee Chardonnay (fun wine)
Served in a can, what’s more. It’s stylish. I would even say, it’s class. I would even say, it is distinguished.
13. Ham Cheerios
OK, it’s not really a Cheerios brand invention, but there are people twisted enough to do anything on their plate.
14. Bananas with ham (no brand, just crazy people)
Band of animals. Yes, yes, animals. You don’t even deserve good spelling.