There is one thing that puts us all on an equal footing: in life, we age. It’s not dramatic, because as we grow up we mature a lot, we no longer need our mom to wipe us and we finally know how to make our bed on our own, but we still lose a bit. We already lose our innocence, and then we can no longer manage to do certain things that were super easy when we were a kid. And that’s sad. Tell me how many things from this list you still manage to do:
1. Do the splits
At 8 years old, we were as flexible as the schedules of a young worker in a start-up. We could do whatever we wanted with our joints, including slamming splits on command without wincing. Today we hardly need 12 physio sessions after bending down to tie our shoes.
2. Jump rope
Wait, how did we go from a fun and easy activity to a torture that pumps our cardio to 200% of its capacity, all with just one jump rope? There was a time when we got ripped off as we got older.
3. Learn a language super fast
Remember your first English lessons (or German, even if those who do German LV1 are strange beings): it was still HYPER simple, right? Your brain stored all the information at once and retained irregular verbs without problem. It was fire. Now you’re struggling after your 3rd lesson on Duolingo and wondering how these bastards who can speak 15 different languages do it.
4. Skiing for 8 hours without getting sore
Anyway today we have understood that the most interesting in the holidays in the snow is to eat fat for 1 week. Afterwards, that may also be why we no longer know how to ski for 8 hours in a row. Raclette doesn’t help.
5. Write in attachment
It’s simple: from the moment we understand that it is useless to write attached when we are an adult, we immediately erase this faculty from our brain. Try to rewrite a sentence attached, you’ll see the hassle it is.
6. Read till late without falling asleep
There was a time when you could smash through 400-page books in two nights under your duvet without even blinking an eye. Today, after two pages, sleep takes us with it without asking our consent. We should file a complaint.
7. Invent crazy stories with two Lego men
Anyway when we were children a simple stick of wood could remake our day, so some Lego was simply heaven. One could imagine scenarios that would have caused Game Of Thrones for a TF1 TV movie.
8. Eat 12 packets of cake without gaining a kilo
That’s crazy, we could spend the day with our ass on our bed playing the Ps2 while eating like morfales without ever taking the slightest waistline, whereas today a simple chips can fuck us for 3 months of diet. It’s abused, even.
9. Say crap out loud without any embarrassment
So yes, we always talk shit about it, but we have to admit that we care a little more about people’s eyes than before. It’s stupid, because shouting “BORDEL DE ASS PUTTY CHIOTTE DE COULILLE” is always a pleasure.
10. Head Count
There was a time when we knew all our multiplication tables by heart and when the “64×120” operation of the head did not scare us. But since we constantly have a calculator on us, we must admit that we have become big balls in mental arithmetic.
11. Sleeping peacefully on a sofa with the music playing and our parents’ friends singing
Whereas today we curse our neighbors over 50 generations if they have the misfortune to move a chair after 11 p.m. Yeah, we’ve aged badly.
13. Falling asleep at night without thinking about the emptiness of our existence…
Oops sorry we fucked the atmosphere there.