When it comes to holidays, we poor souls are often lost on the slippery slope of island destination choices. Yes because the islands, who knows why, but it attracts us. It sounds good. It’s pretty. And it’s true that in general it’s not gross. But how to choose between the multitude of nearby islands that the French coasts offer us? Well, we are already proceeding by elimination. So between Oléron and Ré, a choice has to be made.
1. You don’t pay for that fucking bridge
Even if the toll project is again on the agenda, for the moment we don’t pay 17 € to enter a moldy island unlike others, follow my gaze. And I can tell you that my gaze is looking at a map of France, and specifically the Ile de Ré. In case you didn’t understand.
2. Because, overall, it’s cheaper
And as you like your money, you have a preference for what is cheaper insofar as it allows you to spend less your change and therefore to have more money, so mathematically it gives this: Île d’Oléron² x (-€) = Île de Ré is crap.
3. The island does not split in two
No, no, no, here we are on a close-knit island, which loves each other, which supports each other, which presents itself as a united whole and not as a dust of an island where towns such as Loix, Ars are dispersed without conviction -en-Ré or Saint-Martin.
4. There are fewer Parisians there
And as a Parisian, I like to travel far from my community while being myself the proud ambassador of these tourists who are typically well dressed, contemptuous, stingy, but so much more beautiful, smarter and above all richer.
5. There’s Fort Boyard!!!!!!!!!
OK, well I don’t even know why I keep arguing, the basis of my argument focuses on this point.
6. Oléron has overly colorful fishing huts
It’s so happy that I cry with emotion, but look the hell, look at these little households, is there anything more beautiful in the world? Can we really compare them to the disgusting salt marshes of Rétais? In addition, excuse me but never try to bathe in a salt marsh because it’s just but then much too salty, but that AH, nobody will tell you of course.
7. Because there is no risk of running into Fabrice Luchini, Lionel Jospin, Patrick Bruel or Chantal Goya
It’s very simple on the Ile de Ré, you’re never calm, it’s impossible to go out somewhere without being picked up by a number of stars and frankly it’s starting to be annoying.
8. The beaches are empty and without seaweed or pebbles
Admittedly, there are also a few tolerable beaches on the Ile de Ré, but frankly Oléron has nuggets to offer in terms of swimming, such as Gatseau beach, more beautiful than the most beautiful of all beaches and especially than your mother.
9. There are cute fishermen’s boats and not sailboats owned by owners of tasselled moccasins who vote Fillon
The panoply of the perfect Rétais: Armor Lux polo shirt on the shoulders, Burberry shorts, TBS boat shoes. In Oléron, we swap the brand for nudity, because we are closer to nature and the beauty of the world.
10. To stuff yourself with églade mussels instead of plain, stale mussels
On the Ile de Ré we find a shovelful of fancy restaurants that will ruin us and where the food is not necessarily ultra fresh. Certainly the few oyster bars with clams in parsley garlic butter will give us a gustatory orgasm, but that was counting without the aglade. No, églade is not just mussels. These are spiral molds. Spiral mussels under a layer of pine needles. And that’s the best thing in the world.
11. There are no hordes of bikes there
This is the great thing about the Ile de Ré: the bikes. They travel by the thousands on the small paths criss-crossing the salt marshes. But if you don’t know how to ride a bike, how do you do it? The Ile de Ré is simply racist with people who can’t fit on a two-wheeler, and that’s ugly. At least in Oléron, we have departmental brothels. Frankly you’re not going to make me believe that you prefer a landscape of bicycles to a nice line of cars?
12. Because Oléron does not have a musical note name
However, for any self-respecting musician who is a little connoisseur, the D is the lowest note.
13. Oysters are more polished here
Indeed the island of Oléron is known for its quality oyster farming by transcending the breeding of oysters in intellectual education, it is thus common to be able to exchange philosophy with an oyster n°2 before eating it with a squeeze of lemon . #6s are particularly good at chess.
Do you prefer the Ile de Ré? It’s up to you to vote:
Make your choice by clicking on one of the images
Otherwise, I spent my last holidays on the Ile de Ré, I really liked it so I will soon offer you a top on the reasons for preferring the Ile de Ré to Oléron, I promise.
This top is sponsored by Island Schizophrenia.