It is one of the favorite destinations of tourists (French or foreign), a postcard image in which we dream of immersing ourselves since our earliest childhood, Mont-Saint-Michel attracts everyone by the gravitational force of its prettiness. Except yes but no. Mont-Saint-Michel, I come back and it’s triple crap.
1. Because it’s more beautiful from afar than up close
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That’s the problem. We see it from afar, very far, kilometers in advance, it fascinates, it imposes itself by its majesty, its grandeur. And the closer you get, the more you can see signs in three languages, tourist traps, and tourists. Then when we finally set foot in it we say to ourselves that finally it was better from the outside, so you buy a postcard, nostalgic for those good old days when you didn’t yet know the entrails of the beast.
2. Because you have to walk 40 minutes from the parking lot
So some will see a significant progress. Indeed, a few years ago we parked at the foot of the Mount even if it meant finding ourselves imprisoned by the tide. Fortunately, no more danger now, but no more risk-taking either, in short going to Mont-Saint-Michel is now a bland and sanitized outing. Yes I regret the submerged cars. Now it’s either a 40-minute walk or a full-to-the-brim shuttle (which on top of that has the nerve to be driven back and forth, if I assure you, one steering wheel at the front and one at the back). Misfortune.
3. Because the €6 maringottes suck
Fortunately, when you hesitate between the mortuary march towards the bridge of death which will guide us in this infernal place and the armored shuttle, you can then be tempted by the maringotte. Small cart to share with 30 other guests. We progress at the pace of walking but we also have the unparalleled chance of sharing the smell of sweat from our neighbours.
4. Because Mother Poulard has become the new godfather
It’s very simple, you can’t go more than two meters without coming across a Mère Poulard restaurant, a terrace, a café, an ice cream, a shop. In short, it’s not Mont-Saint-Michel, it’s Mont Mère Poulard.
5. Because a few miles away is Aligator Bay and it’s A THOUSAND times better (even if it’s morally dubious)
Alligators, giant tortoises, reptiles that come from the other side of the world in captivity in a greenhouse farm, frankly, when it comes to thrills, we are at a higher level, in addition at 4:30 p.m. we can see a gentleman distributing dead chickens. Cheerful atmosphere at the rendezvous.
6. Because it’s full of tourists
There are more than 28 per cubic meter, and about 2300 per inhabitant of Montois. It’s worse than Disneyland this thing when in addition there’s not even a giant Mickey Mouse or Space Mountain, the total scam.
7. Because it’s armored with quicksand
Less serious than tourists, I agree, but just as dangerous morally. The shifting sands that surround the Mount make strolls on the beach slightly unseemly. The advantage is that quicksand can engulf a significant amount of tourists and thus preserve a certain balance. To find out more, I invite you to discover this video, which I hope will be instructive and enriching for you.
8. Because you never know if it’s Norman or Breton
While we know very well that it is Charentais, period.
9. Because we can’t swim
Unless you like bathing in soft mud without an ounce of beach, without an ounce of transparent water, and especially without an ounce of pleasure.
10. Because your wallet on site lives in another space time
The value of the euro indeed changes once the parking barrier is crossed. Only HSBC account holders will be able to survive in this terrible jungle of menus costing more than €25. If you’re broke like 95% of the inhabitants of this planet, I suggest you take a look at the cheapest destinations in the world to travel without worry.
11. Because bacon omelettes are fine for two minutes, but we also like to live
Ah that the omelettes of Mother Poulard, we hear about it. So foolishly, if you want to escape thawed frozen meat meals and want to risk the typical dish of the house, you have to arm yourself physically and psychologically. A smoothie of eggs in oil lost in a forest of bacon bits all wrapped up in a sort of donut, yes that’s what the local omelet looks like. And we can leave some feathers there.
12. Because when the tide comes in, you literally have eight seconds to flee.
It’s almost less than your survival time in the alleys of the Mount when the eight tourist coaches have just disembarked.
13. Because you’re pretty sure it’s actually a 2D scene that we can’t go around
They don’t do it to us. Are you really going to make me believe that it’s not a scaffolding that holds everything that is hidden behind? Even on the postcards you never find photos of ass of the mountain. Chance ? Coincidence?
On the other hand, dear Montois tourist office, if you are listening to me, I would like to receive a lot of free postcards because I didn’t have time to write to my grandmother and I’m still making a hell of a publicity for you. with this top. If, on the other hand, you have not been convinced by the beauty of this place, you can find all our unusual landscapes in France which give the impression of traveling (and SPOILER: Mont Saint-Michel is not one of them).