When you’re standing, you walk on your feet and so that your feet don’t hurt, you put them in shoes, and to piss off those around you, you can choose shoes that are a little out of the ordinary so to better define our personality. We had already conducted an exhaustive survey of the different types of toes, so here we are embarked on a new analytical crusade of the different types of shoes to always know you better in your inner self and your strong inner.
1. Stiletto heels
Analysis of the fashion police: you are 1m12 and you need to gain a few centimeters to reach the plates at the top of your cupboard.
2. Cool sneakers
Analysis of the fashion police: if you wear Stan Smiths you are part of 95% of the CSP + present in the music festivals in the Ile-de-France. If you wear Veja it’s just that you wanted Stan Smith but if possible made in France to be able to justify your purchase at 200 balls on an ethical level. If you’re wearing New Balance, you’re really lousy, don’t talk to me.
3. Over-the-knee boots
Analysis of the fashion police: your thighs are very chilly.
4. Cowboy boots
Analysis of the fashion police: you miss those good old days when we could go face the Indians in a parade on the catwalk with such stylish shoes.
Analysis of the fashion police: this model of city shoe allows you to position yourself against the current of sneakers wearers and to impose a certain form of respect. In addition you like when it makes sounds of heels on the ground when you walk.
Analysis of the fashion police: you like to wear hiking shoes even though you’ve never walked more than 4 meters down the street without hailing an Uber on the verge of panting, eyes rolling back in panic.
7. Orthopedic sandals
Analysis of the fashion police: your feet are very hot but you are not psychologically ready to take on the wearing of flip-flops, which is why you have undertaken to dip into your savings accumulated over several decades to invest in Brikrenchtok (don’t ask me how it’s written for real, I never understood the name of this brand).
8. Flip flops
Analysis of the fashion police: you don’t have enough money to buy yourself orthopedic sandals and then anyway your poorly developed sense of good taste encourages you to adopt a surfer look (Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts, bleached hair and fake shark’s tooth around the neck) doubtful.
Analysis of the fashion police: for you, comfort trumps aesthetics. You have adopted the “ugly and practical” way of life. People judge you but are also envious of not having their feet warm with their shitty ballet flats when it’s -10°C.
10. Tassel loafers
Analysis of the fashion police: you voted Sarkozy in 2012 and Fillon in 2017 (in the second round).
11. Very very wedge soles
Analysis of the fashion police:you are stuck in a temporal black hole that has stuck you in the 2000s for eternity. Give Geri Halliwell a kiss.
12. Gladiator sandals
Analysis of the fashion police: you are stuck in a temporal black hole that has stuck you in the 2000s for eternity. Give Loana a kiss.
13. Running sneakers
Analysis of the fashion police: you’ve run 500 meters once in your life so you feel obligated to wear running sneakers for the rest of your life. Anyway your feet are too used to the sole, you will never be able to wear anything else like shoes again.
If you didn’t get off on reading this top, you can complain on the @NotrePaintQuotidien account.