It’s summer, you’re dying of heat (or not for that matter, we can’t say that we live the most breathable summer), and you tell yourself that a day at the beach will do the greatest good to the whole family. Yeah, well, that was before I had kids, and the shit that goes with it. Good luck maggle.
1. Eating sand
Because a child puts EVERYTHING in his mouth, and it’s not grains of sand that will stop his desire to taste everything he finds. Except that in addition to eating sand, he will also be able to appreciate the salty and delicate taste of cigarette butts, old bandages, seaweed and dead fish. A nice combo worthy of a four-star restaurant.
2. Bring you a jellyfish as a gift
It’s a change from flowers you will tell me, and then it’s the attention that counts, isn’t it? No.
3. Before being stung by said jellyfish
Because those filthy beasts don’t particularly like being touched. Even if she was stranded on the sand half punctured, she still has the energy to sting your kid who carries her in her arms and throws her on your face. Thank you, that’s nice, you shouldn’t have.
4. Make sand castles
At least it keeps him occupied, that’s already it. During this time, you have time to read the latest Here, without having to chase after it for 300 meters (thanks to the low tide).
5. Smash other people’s sandcastles
Because he is the King of Les Sables d’Olonne, and no one else. Suddenly, prohibition to make other sandcastles than his own, and he will personally take care to smash all the blocks of the kids who would have dared to defy his prohibition. Hello tyrant.
6. Skin leftover crab
And if possible, he’ll do it on your beach towel, first ripping off the claws, then the legs, then the eyes, finally smashing the remaining body with a pebble or your sunscreen.
7. Asking you for the name of every seashell he finds
When you know absolutely nothing about it, and you don’t give a damn. You will end up inventing names like “pirendulle” or “colibile”, because you will have dried after “oyster” and “mould”.
8. Fall in the water
He just wanted to fill his watering can, and he ended up swallowed by a wave, without his armbands. You jump into the water to retrieve it, cell phone in hand, pants rolled up, panic in your stomach.
9. Put sand in your eyes
Coming to wallow on your towel after running out of the water.
10. Crying for a donut full of oil
The one with Nutella, which spent 4 hours in the wicker basket of the seller who wanders around in the middle of a dodger and who dares to charge you 4 euros for that.
11. Getting Lost
He’s gone to look for seashells, and he’s not going to find you because the beach is wide, the tide goes out, and all the towels and umbrellas look alike. Fortunately, you see him, but you let him struggle a bit to find you, it will bother him.
12. Having the wrong parents
He’s a little lost, all the towels are identical, and he therefore confuses his own parents with those next door, only tilting after a few long minutes that he clearly got the wrong parents.
13. Dig a hole
That’s how it may be all the same ultra weird, when you’re a child at the beach you like to dig holes and if possible fit fully into them. I don’t know what weird pleasure it gives us, but we get a satisfaction rarely equaled.