Nine months: three seasons and one world. Astrology keeps us busy with our birth months, but it’s the moment of conception that is crucial. What were popo and mom thinking? Why had they fondled their private parts that day? Why THIS DAY? Every question deserves an answer.
1. You were born in January, you were conceived in April
January natives are conceived in April. Spring, small budding flowers, reborn hope: love. Love in clean, freshly washed sheets, love in the afternoon, a ray of sunshine that illuminates the mother’s face as it reaches its climax. Youth, beauty, perfection.
Result : Your life will be marked by happiness and you will become someone deeply RELOU.
2. You were born in February, you were conceived in May
Imagining himself conceived on “J’aime Paris au mois de mai”, little Leo will think all his life that the period preceding his birth corresponded to the culmination of the happiness shared between his parents. He will always ignore that his parents had made love one last time to forget that dad had voted for Jean-François Copé for president before sinking into a common neurasthenia from which their couple would not recover.
Result : You will be deeply marked by your sad childhood.
3. You were born in March, you were conceived in June
Shaken at 8/6 one evening of the Fête de la musique against a background of depressing soundtracks summoning in turn the Pixies and Portishead on the ukulele, the parents of little Ghislaine were to regret for a long time their choice to have kept the child while they had only known each other for a week.
Result : You always preferred the Amsterdamer to breast milk.
4. You were born in April, you were conceived in July
It’s love at the beach. Ahum Chachacha. In the clip, the guys from Niagara aren’t in Palavas. But still, this night of torrid love at the Best Western was to mark the sexual apotheosis of Sylvie and JC, a time of happiness when bottled mojitos and frozen croissants were still abundant and where one could still enjoy paid vacations. in France.
Result : You will forever be nostalgic for a time you never knew.
5. You were born in May, you were conceived in August
In the sweet melancholy of a month of August that was too hot, against a background of tropical music, Aristide had touched Mélodie’s cheek before diffusing the coolness of a mist on her moist skin. The hot/cold sensation, like a Scottish shower, had awakened their ardor and, a few seconds later, Aristide’s shirt was slipping over his body, which was less tanned than his head, while Mélodie’s short dress was intertwined in the slats. of the fan fixed to the ceiling, beginning a round as intoxicating as was the stage below.
Result : You will be balanced, beautiful, well built and completely uninteresting.
6. You were born in June, you were conceived in September
” How are you ? “Like September.” Mechanical honest worker fuck. A little pleasure, little orgasm. Little death. After making love, Roland had chosen to get up to smoke a cigarette. Myriam, who had just become pregnant, was crying silently into the sweaty pillows. It was hot in September that year.
Result : You will very often take your mother’s side and your father will think that it is because you are PD.
7. You were born in July, you were conceived in October
The piling up leaves created a landscape conducive to melancholy. That day, Harry and Berenice had taken a walk in the park; at one point a chestnut had nearly knocked out Berenice and Harry had gently draped his coat over her shoulders as she shivered in fear and cold. Night was falling; drizzle too. Running on the sidewalks, they took refuge at Berenice’s to drink hot tea. Trembling, Berenice spilled the tea on herself and Harry helped her take off her blouse. Since she was naked, Harry took the opportunity to stroke her back. 9 months after the birth of little Sandra.
Result : Born prematurely from a far too retiring mother, you have a funny face and few friends at school.
8. You were born in August, you were conceived in November
Remember remember the 5th of November… It was precisely on this date that Gui and Marjolaine decided to unite before a priest and a witness. Refusing to give in to the fashion for summer weddings, they had chosen this date because Gui liked the melancholy atmospheres that preceded winter. At 6 p.m., as night fell on this northern village where Marjolaine had her roots, they said “yes” to each other in a formal atmosphere. Stiff drunk at midnight, Gui and Marjolaine had then lost their virginity together in a falsely luxurious room with wallpaper on the wall.
Result : You’re really lucky. Gui and Marjolaine only make love once a year; you have chosen the right niche. In general, in life, you have luck: tickets found on the ground, decisive professional meetings in public transport, return of too much change at the bakery checkout.
9. You were born in September, you were conceived in December
From these fatty loves, made squisch squisch belly against belly, turkey against turkey, drunken breath from meals that have lasted too long. Of those loves. Sebastian and Ondine had no idea that the eaten food would not be completely evacuated, replaced immediately by another food, alive this time, and that the temporary curves would be there for a long time. We were expecting snow. The snow is long in coming when you are drunk.
Result : Nicknamed the man who came from the cold, you will suffer all his life from extreme sweating in summer and an aversion to turkey with chestnuts.
10. You were born in October, you were conceived in January
Bertrand and Laurence had taken a good resolution for the new year: to make love again after 6 years of abstinence and the conception of little Loïc. They set to work. Bertrand had made his famous lasagna and Laurence had managed to fit back into her little beige suit. Dim lights, Châteauneuf-du-Pape please. They steeled themselves and had sad sex. With the alcohol, Laurence had forgotten that she no longer took the pill. They didn’t keep the right resolution for the year.
Result : You love your parents. You like them very much. But you want them to stop looking sad at you and asking you to eat your soup.
11. You were born in November, you were conceived in February
28 days in February, the start of a marathon: “We’ll make love every day until you get pregnant,” Raymond had told Sandrine. Thing said thing done. Sandrine fell pregnant… on the 29th. They hadn’t calculated that February was a leap year.
Result : It’s really difficult to calculate your age and you love being asked questions about how you celebrate your birthday. Rejoice, you don’t know yet that you are dyslexic and color blind and you will love it even more when people ask you questions about how you perceive the world and words.
12. You were born in December, you were conceived in March
In the resurgent light, Marie had tried to wake Joseph, who was sleeping soundly after a hard day’s work on a well-built frame. Wasted effort ; in her wildest dreams, Marie felt a divine entity entering her body, an inner light. She opened one eye and saw the donkey.
Result : So how do we intend to SAVE HUMANITY from sin?
