“We are all someone’s tourist. And tourists dare everything, that’s even how we recognize them » – Lao Tzu
Apart from the darling vendors on the beach and the owners of souvenir shops, nobody really likes tourists. They ruin all the things we love, ransack unspoiled landscapes and form endless queues. However, one automatically becomes a tourist when one leaves one’s place of residence and that is difficult to accept.
1. Yellow oilskins and marinières
We were very quiet in Brittany with our raincoats, our Aigle boots and our pretty marinières when tourists from all over France arrived to steal the concept from us. Today, the yellow raincoat has become an essential accessory for the tourist who has been scammed at Armor-Lux.
2. The streets of Santorini
If you only know the blue roofs of Santorini thanks to the packaging of Greek yoghurts, you risk being a little surprised when you arrive there. Whether it’s April or September, there isn’t a square centimeter available to walk comfortably and that’s a shame because it was beautiful at the Santorini base.
3. Line 1 of the Paris metro
Line 1 of the metro is the most chic of all because it deserts all the posh places in the capital as well as La Défense. This line is there to show tourists that the metro is too pretty and not dirty at all, but unfortunately, it’s the tourists who ruin everything. They are lost, they hang out in the corridors and pile up in the cars with their suitcases and their cameras. You’re not mean, but you’re nasty nonetheless.
4. Trolltunga in Norway
There are plenty of places in the world where everyone takes the same photo. In the idea it’s not very serious, but it quickly becomes boring when it creates waiting lines in the middle of nowhere. Who stands in line for 20 minutes for a photo, honestly?
5. Local produce markets
Originally, going to the market made it possible to find fruits and vegetables cheaper than in the supermarket and to ensure that you had local products. And now, because of all the tourists who pay 30 balls of tapenade with a smile, the prices are rising to the point that a bunch of radishes from the market have become more expensive than a full of groceries at Auchan.
6. The “train alley” in Hanoi, Vietnam
In Hanoi, Vietnam, there is a very small street lined with cafes and small restaurants with a train passing in the middle, very close to the houses. The train had been passing through this location without problems for 117 years, but in 2016 the city decided to change the routes. Indeed, the place has become a nest for tourists looking for photos to post on Instagram and the train had to stop several times because of the large number of tourists on the railway track.
7. The beaches of Normandy
I’m talking to you about a time that Parisian sores can’t know, when the beaches of Cabourg and Deauville weren’t yet invaded by tourists…
8. Poppies at Lake Elsinore in California
Not far from the suburbs of Los Angeles, beautiful poppy fields stretch as far as the eye can see in the Riverside Hills. It’s beautiful and it’s a shame that there is nothing left a few days after flowering. Yes, lying in flowers, it breaks them. And hundreds of tourists do it every day.
9. Space travel
There was a time, the conquest of space seemed a very noble task: discovering unexplored horizons, it’s stylish all the same. Since it’s possible to do rocket tourism for very wealthy space fans, we think it’s just a new way to pollute to the ends of the universe.
10. Penis-shaped flowers in Cambodia
In Cambodia, the government has been forced to warn tourists: it is important not to pick the zizi flowers. Nepenthes bokorensis and Nepenthes holdenii are two species of phallic plants that some tourists tear off for not-so-fun pictures. Almost as good as dick-shaped waffles.
11. Narrow Sidewalks
A tourist is someone who marvels at every banality, so inevitably, he walks very slowly. Finding yourself behind a tourist on a narrow sidewalk is a bit like getting stuck in traffic: you huff, you walk making noise to show your displeasure and you say “sorry” in an unpleasant tone. Normal what.
12. Memorials in places with painful pasts
It’s terrible to come to this but apparently it’s necessary. Online accounts of memorabilia places like the Auschwitz Memorial are forced to issue reminders to warn visitors not to mess around on the tracks or take funny selfies in such a place. Creepy.