Top 12 things more surprising than the results of the 1st round

There you go, the results of the first round have just come in… ATTENTION, DRUM ROLL… Brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr (it’s the sound of a drum roll, suddenly): MACRON / LE PEN. WAW, BUT WAW. BUT HOW ? BUT NOOOOOOO? Stopeeeeeeee, you’re kidding!!! We are so shocked! Really, who expected that? Nobody, we agree! Such amazement makes us think hard… And very quickly, we realize that life is actually full of little surprises! The proof.

1. The price of a sandwich at the station or on the highway

WE KNOW that these two fucking slices of sandwich bread, separated from a piece of salad, are going to cost us an arm and a half. WE KNOW IT. But still… We are always shocked at the checkout.

2. When you gave birth after 9 months of pregnancy

Oh? But… Does it really end up getting this thing out? Wow, what a surprise… I thought it was a ptdr joke.

3. Your hangover after your party last night

And your vomit after your shot meter. No, but seriously… what did you expect?

4. Your ex who left you after texting you “we need to talk”

He had however specified “I cannot tell you by SMS, we have to see each other”. It is rarely to decide the evening menu…

5. The latest IPCC report

How is the planet doing badly? What is too much? Too late ? AHAHAHAH stop your bullshit, run me a bath so that I can relax before putting on a big fat Mcdo in front of the TV, with the heating on. It’s cold, isn’t it, for the month of April? Too weird.

6. When your card is declined

I know you’re not good at math, but still… If the number on the cash register is bigger than the one on your bank account, there’s a good chance it’s stuck.

7. Your parents’ reaction to your report card

Bug, however, you had done everything well… A small “1” added in front of the marks below the average, a paper report card magically disappeared from the mailbox, big crocodile tears when you hadn’t no choice but to assume some dirty results. EVERYTHING. BUT HOW ARE THEY AVAILABLE ONLINE NOW?

8. When you talk politics over a family meal

Oh well… Why is everyone banging on it there? Did I miss something?

Top 12 things more surprising than the results of the 1st round

9. The bouncer who turns you down at a club when you’re 12

Too fucking unfair. You had given everything to look older! All. But don’t worry, one day you’ll be able to proudly pull out your ID, to silence all those bouncers. PLUS, if you’re of legal age, that means you’ll also be old enough to vote…

10. There is no hyphen in “goodbye”

Because in fact, it means “goodbye until goodbye” or “see you again”. So in two words. Don’t thank me, it’s a gift.

11. Water gets wet

That’s why we come out wet after a shower, a bath, a splash in a swimming pool and in the sea. It seems that this is also true with swimming in the oceans. But hey… You know… Me, I’m like St Thomas: I only believe what I see!

12. Fire burns

That’s why you shouldn’t touch it. Unlike water, fire does not wet. And logically, the water doesn’t burn… Huh? Can water wet and burn? Damn, I don’t understand anything anymore.

13. Bonus: the fact that an object falls to the ground when you drop it

Do you also feel weird every time? In addition, when it’s a glass thing, it breaks… Too weird.

So shocked? Among the real big twists of the presidential elections of our 5th Republic, we remember (bitterly) Le Pen, in the second round in 2002. It’s crazy, how the years go by and look alike, isn’t it?

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