Young parents are a species apart. Apart from the rest of humanity. These strange people who live both their worst life and their best life. Well, did you know that behind these too hot baby bottles and under these overfilled nappies, there is a tired heart that beats and that must be preserved. That, starting with stopping asking shitty questions.
1. So he sleeps?
Possible answer: “BUT NIK WELL YOUR FIAK OLD JACKAL TAS KRU THAT I SLEEP IN VIEW OF MY MOUTH OF CHIASSE AND MY CIRCLES OF 800 KM? »
Indeed, young parents can quickly be at the end of their tether insofar as they do not pioncent (or little, in the best of the cases). The best thing is to offer them instead to go take a nap while you take care of the snot on legs that serve as their offspring.
2. Was it planned??
Possible answer: “AND WAS YOUR MOUTH PLANNED?” »
You will be warned, it happens that a confused young parent responds incoherently when attacked on the ground of intimacy. Why intimate? Because when you ask if it was planned, it’s a way of saying “Since you are irresponsible, is it an accident your thing? Or did you sign up for the five-year child/home/marriage plan? And why weren’t we kept informed in factchhh? “. In short, all in all, ask yourself this existential and very useful question: “Does it concern you? before kindly returning to your ass.
3. And you, did you rather want a girl or a boy?
Possible answer: ” WE WANTED A VOUALA TÉ CONTAN CAT »
Observe how feverish the young parent is. Caress him in the direction of the hair and know that we don’t care if we want a boy or a girl. Basically, if you conceive a child, you want a child, period.
4. Were you given an episio then for the delivery?
Possible answer: “BUT JUST ASK ME HOW WAS YOUR FIS DEPILATION? »
Again, asking about the state of the genitals of the person who gave birth to a piece of a few kilos is not the most subtle. Please note, I’m not saying that these are taboo subjects, but again these are intimate subjects so if we don’t talk to you about it, it’s because we don’t want to talk to you about it and your questions you can ask insert them into the foundation (without episio).
5. Big party this weekend, would you like to come?
Possible answer: ” Why ? WHYIIIIIIIII? WHYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII???? » (followed by intense tears).
As explained above, the young parent is tired. His social life took a hit. Certainly he would like to be able to tell you “yeah no problem bro, GO la vida loca and the third world war in my glass all night long”. He really would. But understand that for him the hangover has been constant since birth. Revise your invitations a little, offer outings that are less physically costly but which will bring joy and comfort to this person who is close to brain death.
6. And you plan to do a second one?
Possible answer: “BUT DOU YOU SPEAK BASTARD I WILL MAKE YOU FLUT MY POWDERED MILK WITH YOUR INSINUATIONS”
The people you are talking to are at the end of the roll’s and you already want to add a layer to them? Be reasonable two minutes and leave them in peace.
7. I say he is very temperamental, do you sometimes regret?
Possible answer: “AND YOU, DO YOU REGRET YOUR UGLY TATTOO THAT IS AGING BADLY??? »
Babies each have their own character, it’s true. There are some who cry more than others, it’s true. But it is quite useless to point it out on the one hand, and even more to have the insolence to ask about a possible regret. What do you imagine, that they will bring it back to the after-sales service?
8. Oh you must be happy that dad helps you around the house?
Possible answer: “BURN IN HELL SUPPORT OF SATAN”.
A well-deserved insult for people who still rejoice in “helping dads” as if it were a beautiful gift they were giving to the mother. Well, can you imagine that a good father is not someone who “helps” but someone who participates fully in the educational and household expenses linked to the arrival of a baby, without we ask him as a service.
9. Which of you gets up the most at night?
Possible answer: “IT’S ME FUCK BECAUSE THE OTHER BOLOSS HE/SHE HAS NOT ONE JERK OFF EXCEPT SNORING LIKE A MOP”
It happens that a couple goes through a little crisis after the birth of a child, among other things because the tasks are not always equally distributed, that one of the two often takes up work before the other and all that creates a lot of tension. If we can hope that both parents invest themselves as much, it is better not to ask the question so as not to press where it hurts in case this is not the case.
10. Why this first name?
Possible answer: “BECAUSE IT IS THE NAME OF YOUR DARONNE THE female dog”
Most of the time, rest assured this first name was not chosen because it is your mother’s first name, do not take this remark at face value. However, if you ask the question it is certainly that you tick on this unusual first name in which case we also have the right to say that you do not need to know its origins.
11. Have you found a place in the crèche?
Possible answer: “YOU WANT ME TO IMMOLATE MYSELF IN FRONT OF YOU IN DESPAIR, IS THAT IT?” SAY IT ??? »
There are a few words that are forbidden to be spoken in front of young parents: “en”, “find”, “place”, “une”, “nursery”. Don’t ask questions and simply delete these words from your vocabulary to avoid unnecessary drama.
12. Have you seen the latest IPCC report that says the planet may no longer be habitable by 2100?
Possible answer: “gnagnana”
Well there clearly the arguments are glaring sincerity.