There is clearly no worse hell on earth than sharing your life with a snorer. This is definitely the best way to make you an embittered, irritable and tired person. For your health, both mental and physical, if you share your life with a snorer, dump him. Better a heartache that hurts than a lifetime of suffering for nothing. Come on, let’s go!
The snorer ALWAYS falls asleep first
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And it doesn’t take much more than 3 minutes of sleep to start imitating a dirty locomotive standby. Direct consequence: impossible for you to fall asleep peacefully.
Once the snorer is asleep, it is impossible to wake him up
And it’s not for lack of having tried everything! Unfortunately, the snorer is a heavy sleeper like 4 times the weight of the Eiffel Tower. So you’re exhausting yourself trying to get him out of his dreams, in vain. A bit silly to run out, when you know you won’t even be able to sleep, hihi.
… So you spend your night whistling like a blackbird
But a blackbird a little at the end of its life, which oscillates between hope in the whistle, and tears of hatred and fatigue since this technique never takes effect for very long. Ouch ouch ouch, will have to recover my darling. It’s not pretty to see there.
… Or trying to push it to the side
Unfortunately, the snorer is often as heavy as his sleep. The worst part is that once you manage to move it, it recovers on its own, a few seconds later.
You often end up with your head under the pillow to reduce the noise
While trying to create a tiny little window to let your nose out and not suffocate to death. Generally, this trick just makes you spin faster: between the snoring always way too loud, the heat under the pillow, and all the concentration required to breathe: it keeps you more awake than anything else.
Your ears are irritated because of your earplugs
In addition to not completely covering up the sound of the hoarse bear sleeping next door, the daily rubbing of the earplugs ended up knocking out the ear. Sometimes you even hesitate to shove those pesky plugs up his nostrils, for revenge! It’s violent, but as the saying goes: “irritated ears, irritable human”. We forgive you.
…And you finally land on the couch
The only way to hope to find sleep. Finally, that… It was without counting on the old springs of this rotten sofa which spend the rest of the night martyring your shoulder and hip.
Your neighbors hate you
They have also filed complaints for nocturnal noise a good ten times, suspecting that you are vacuuming or using a hair dryer all night. No matter how much you explain to them that it’s just snoring, they can’t bring themselves to believe that a human being can make such a racket with his mouth. We get it, and we’re sorry for you.
His snoring is never regular
He goes in a second from an asthmatic digger to Rambo choking on gravel. When the snoring is regular, it’s already boring, but when in addition they make you jump, it’s too much! STOP CALVARY!
When the snorer stops snoring, you panic
HEY ! SNOR! ARE YOU DEAD OR WHAT??? PATRICK, TELL ME SOMETHING! SNOR, PLEASE!! WHY ARE YOU SNORING NO MORE???
The next day he’s on fire while you look like a puddle
And this swelling dares to ask you “so, did you sleep well? “. NO ! NO, I DIDN’T SLEEP WELL DAMN JGDFOGKFJDGJDEDF WITH YOUR OIJFKDJGDP SNORING AND THIS LIFE OF… In short, not happy.
The snorer never assumes to be a snorer
And you get confused with him in the early morning, because he always pretends that “No, whatever, I don’t snore!” I’m just breathing heavily! “. I’ll make you breathe hard, me, you’ll see!
Would you rather: sleep with a snorer, and never sleep again for your whole life, or sleep with a sleepwalker, and take the risk of never waking up again? My heart balances.